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Neo-pagan religions can be fun, but some pagans unfortunately go through a period of religious fanaticism. And fanaticism often limits an important part of your spirit: your sense of humor. It takes time to recover from fanaticism. Now there is a Tarot deck for recovering pagan religious fanatics.
0. The Neophyte
A priest and priestess stand facing one another, performing the Great Rite symbolically by plunging a dagger into a chalice. In the circle surrounding them, a neophyte covers her smiling mouth, trying to suppress a giggle.
I. The Magician
The magician stands outside his double-parked car in a jammed parking lot. He wears full ceremonial regalia and has an altar set up. In his hand is an open book entitled, "Incantations to Asphaltia to find parking spaces."
II. The High Priestess
A Wiccan priestess stands, arms outstretched, wearing several pounds worth of pentacles, Celtic jewelry, astrological bracelets, and medallions. She looks ready to tip over.
III. The Nature-Lover?
In the middle of the woods stands a pagan with her face caked in rouge and eye shadow and lipstick. She holds up a symbol of nature -- a miniature plastic tree.
IV. The Emporium
A pagan bookstore owner stands behind a counter in a bookstore jam-packed with books, pentacles, candles, Celtic jewelry, Tarot decks, etc. Behind him a sign reads, "Pagan Emporium Bookstore: Offering Ancient Wisdom Since 1995."
V. Grand High Muckety-Muck
A solemn Wiccan priest stands before an altar holding an athame. Hanging on the wall behind him is a certificate which reads, "Certified Wiccan Initiate. Certificate granted by Walt's Wild Warehouse of Wicca."
VI. The Lovers
A young couple are having a handfasting performed in a grove of oak trees on a sunny summer afternoon.
VII. The Broom
A teenage Goth witch runs down the sidewalk attempting to ride a battered broomstick. A cleaning lady with a dustpan in one hand chases after her, hoping to retrieve her stolen broom.
VIII. The Hungry Vegetarian
There's a long buffet table at a wedding banquet. Whole roast pig, roast duck, baked chicken, glazed turkey, and caved ham fill the buffet table. One teeny tiny carrot resides on the plate of the hungry vegetarian. She eyes the roast pig, perhaps wondering if it might be made out of tofu rather than meat.
IX. The Hermit
The Hermit wears a dark gray robe and has a dark gray beard. He holds a gnarled staff in one hand and a blazing lantern in the other hand. He is doing this however in a crowded movie theater, and the theater patrons scowl at him.
X. The Wheel Of Fortune
A pagan dressed in purple and yellow robes holds a stick of incense in one hand and a compass in the other hand. He glares at the compass. The needle point is spinning wildly, so that he can't tell which direction is east for quarter-calling.
XI. The Skeptic
A blindfolded man stands facing a full-length mirror.
XII. The Contortionist
You see a contortionist, his body twisted in what appears to be an impossible position. In fact, his head appear to be stuck up his own rectum.
An occultist's apartment is in flames. His shelves are jammed with ceremonial daggers, magical talismans, occult journals/books, and esoteric tools. Out of all of this wealth of stuff, what will he try to rescue from the flames? Actually, he is reaching for his cat.
In a candle lit room, a Hermeticist holds a rosy cross in his left hand and a pentacle in the right hand. To his left side is a host of symbols of crosses and grails. To his right side is a host of daggers and pentacles. Behind him, a window with the shades drawn is open a crack to reveal a hint of sunlight and the wide open outdoors.
XV. The Adversary
The scene is two booths set up at a psychic fair -- each booth manned by a practitioner. The first booth has a big sign over it, "Pagan Shamanistic Journeying Counseling." The practitioner of this booth glares at the practitioner of the second booth. The sign over the second booth reads, "New Age Shamanistic Journeying Counseling."
XVI. The Tower of Books
An armchair magician has a den jammed full of occult books. In one armchair is a huge stack of books almost up to the ceiling. He stands on a stool trying to add yet another book to the top of the stack, ignorant of the fact that the tower is about ready to topple over on him.
XVII. The Celebrity
In an occult bookstore, a pagan celebrity sits at a book signing table, signing copies of her book, Witchcrap for Morons. A few feet away from the table, a group of neo-pagans are scowling and turning their nose up at the author.
XVIII. The Moon
A pagan painter stands by a moonlit window as he paints a picture of the crescent moon. The depiction of the moon is very well-crafted, but then the painter is going back in and adding some crudely designed pentacles on the moon, lest you forget that this is supposed to be pagan art. Behind him, his two dogs bark fiercely.
XIX. The Golden Apple
Three pagan women stand wrestling over who gets the Golden Apple. Behind them, unnoticed, stands a giggling Eris, who holds an entire basket of Golden Apples.
XX. Judgment by Conspiracy Theorists
A fundamentalist minister rallies against a pagan group. The minister conjures up images of animal sacrifice and human sacrifice. Meanwhile, the pagan group in question is sitting around in a committee meeting eating vegan chili and tofu.
XXI. The World in a Pack of Cards
A grungy prisoner in solitary confinement sits in a barren cell. No bed, no food, no sunlight, just a pack of Tarot cards in front of him. A 19th century occultist once said that a prisoner alone in a prison cell with nothing but a pack of Tarot cards would acquire all world knowledge. But, well, this prisoner could probably better use some food and some sunlight and a shower.
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