You Know You're a Chaote When...


by Everfool
Jester Image

You Know You're a Chaote When...

  1. You don't think it's a proper symbol unless you only just made it up a few seconds ago while doodling.
  2. Someone asks you if you believe life has a purpose, or whether it is meaningless, and you say "yes."
  3. You always carry around lots of post-it notes and a pen in case you need to cast a sigil.
  4. People ask you how magic works, and you either
    A) don't know and don't care
    B) explain in torturous detail, later causing them to seek therapy.
  5. Someone asks you if you believe in the Christian God, and you say:
    A) "Only if there's something in it for me"
    B) "What day of the week is it?"
    C) "Sorry, I rolled a 6 on the dice earlier, I'm a Wiccan today"
    D) "Okay, haven't got any other plans for today"
  6. Missionaries find it easy to convert you to their religion, the only trouble is making sure you don't convert to another religion as soon as you're bored.
  7. Other magick workers compare rituals with you. You think they're too serious and stuffy, and they refuse to live in the same neighbourhood as you. You don't see anything wrong with making up your own god, until it starts telling you what to do.
  8. While in trance, a being glowing with pure white light tells you the secrets to true happiness. You smile and ignore it/laugh at it.
  9. People point out your beliefs are contradictory. You blush.
  10. Your bookcase contains various holy texts that claim all the other texts are wrong.
  11. You don't learn Latin in order to understand tomes of magic, you learn Quantum Physics.
  12. You still don't understand the tomes after learning Quantum Physics, but at least you know lots of big words now.
  13. Your rituals involve the first objects you can spot lying around.
  14. You aspire to schizophrenia. Your friends think you've already reached that state.
  15. Your banishment rituals are usually more fun than the rituals themselves. You keep a copy of a "certain revisionist" book for whenever you need to banish with laughter.
  16. Even eclectic witches think you need to be more discerning.
  17. You buy one of those glittery spell books to see if you can make the spells work. You read it and decide you would much rather write insulting letters to the author that will also give her the nasty cold you've been trying to get rid of for weeks.
  18. When Wiccans tell you the rede, you ask them to define "harm."
  19. If someone you agree with turns out to be obnoxious, you immediately change your beliefs to the opposite of what they were.

    And finally...

  20. Shopping for presents becomes so much easier, as you decide to buy random things, mix them up randomly, and leave them lying around for the first person who finds them.

Copyright © 2002 by Everfool.
Used by permission of the author.

Important: If this page annoys and upsets you, please carefully read this page before complaining to the webmaster.


Please donate now to pay our monthly server fees:
Donate to The Cauldron
[More Info]

Special Offer

Fortune Telling Secrets
Learn To Tell Fortunes, Read Palms, Read Tea Leaves, Number Interpretation, Make Charms, Interpret Signs and Omens, Read Playing Cards, Tell Fortunes with Dominos, Read and Use Tarot Cards. And Much, Much More!

Pagan Custom Web Search

Enter Search Term:


The sites included in this Google custom search have been selected by members of The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum to help you find higher quality Pagan and religious information on the web.

Pagan-Friendly Webhosting

Dreamhost offers high-quality, low cost web hosting with a dedication to free speech.

Dreamhost Features · unlimited web space
· 50 gigs personal file space
· unlimited bandwidth
· unlimited email boxes (POP3/IMAP)
· unlimited ftp/shell accounts
· unlimited domains/subdomains
· php5, cgi, python, fastcgi, ssi
· zend optimizer, ruby on rails
· unlimited MySQL 5 databases
· announcement lists
· discussion (aka mailing) lists
· Jabber server, Custom DNS
· Crontab and Shell access
· Web-based Control Panel
· One-Click installs of the Wordpress blog & others
· 1 free domain name
· helpful tech support
· 100% Uptime Guarantee
· and much more!

All for $10.95 a month with a $49.95 setup fee (pay for a year in advance for $9.95 a month and there is no setup fee). Pay two years in advance and the price drops to $8.95 a month. (And there is a 97 day money back guarantee!)

Click here to read why we've hosted with Dreamhost.
Message Board
Recent Threads
Click on a thread name to read it.

· The death game
· In Memoriam, 24 April 1967
· Banishing spells and catharsis
· greetings from a newbie
· Risking Reputation: What's your "Coming Out as Pagan" story?
· General Feedback: Why us bigotry toward LGBT people tolerated on this board?
· My Etsy Occult Shop!
· Olwen?
· In Which I Nearly Burn My House Down
· Constructing a house protection spell
· Rhyming Thesaurus?
· I'm a-goin' to London Town
· Finding Direction
· Greetings!
· Hello!

Book Reviews
Click on the book cover to read our review of this book. We welcome your comments on this book in our message board.
The Craft
The Craft


Sister Forums