Keeping Summoned Beings as Pets is a Bad Idea


by Faerie K.
with thanks to viii on chat for ideas and comments
Jester Image

Why keeping summoned beings as pets is a bad idea...

They may be cute and cuddly when they're little, but they tend to grow. Fast. To something large.

You can't flush your overgrown summoned pet down the toilet and no pound will take one. (Trust me on this one. )

Unless you spay or neuter them, they will breed, quickly.

Good luck trying to find a vet that will spay or neuter one...

The feeding costs are astronomical. New Age shops are very expensive. Oh, sorry, I meant "astrological".

An exotic summoned pet is very difficult to feed. Museums start suspecting your interests in ancient cultures rather quickly.

Getting them used to gourmet food is a bad idea: there aren't that many virgins around, you see!

Cats sitting on the chest of a sleeping child sucking their life-force out may be a myth. With summoned pets, it isn't.

No insurance will cover it if your summoned pet bites your guests.

They may even eat your guests while you pop into the kitchen for tea.

When they nibble your toes on Sunday morning, it does NOT feel nice. Besides, you need those toes for proper balance.

Clipping their toenails to save your sofa from being torn into shreds is pretty damn hard.

You think a pet stealing your stuff is bad? Summoned pets steal your stuff and hide it to the astral plane!

Summoned pet dung is difficult to get rid of. They won't accept it at the toxic waste plant anymore ...

Cat's hairballs are easy to clean away. Try dealing with astral slime puke.

They don't stay in their cage unless you remember to seal it magickally properly. Every single time.

It also gets a bit tedious to keep that triangle of salt intact in the corner of the living room.

A summoned pet possessing your grandmother is NO fun, I can tell you!

A summoned pet possessing your stereo system may be painful.

Having them play with your altar tools is not cute.

Having them play with your Book of Shadows is even less cute.

Smell of sulfur wafting in the apartment tends to deter Jehovah's Witnesses and other pests, though... But it does make breathing labored in the long run.

Landlords tend to dislike the "things that go bump in the night" routine you have going on in your flat.

Landlords will detest finding out that paying residents in your block are disappearing as if by magick.

On the other hand, the police may become a tad too interested in the very same phenomena.

It's not fun to have your pet deciding to "hump" your neighbor's dog in the middle of your daily walk.

It's practically impossible to find new, caring homes for the resulting Cerberoses, too.

While it may be cute to have a pet that actually does talk back to you, it's not nice when they start throwing curses.

It may be nice to have a pet that can retrieve your e-mail along with regular post, but it's NOT fun having them actually posting replies...

Advanced summoned pets may summon pets of their own. That means BIG trouble.

Last but not least: If you're not quite careful, you may one day wake up realizing that it is in fact YOU who are the pet in this deal.

Copyright © 2002 by Faerie K.
Used by permission of the author.

Important: If this page annoys and upsets you, please carefully read this page before complaining to the webmaster.


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