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Author Topic: FlameKeeping - Stories from the future  (Read 16312 times)
HeartShadow - Cutethulhu
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« Topic Start: November 04, 2009, 03:47:44 pm »

I'm working on the mythology of FlameKeeping, and this is the first one I've written.  So - does it make sense?  For those of you that have read some of my stuff, does it *fit*?  Does it teach you anything, or do you just want to gag?  Etc.  All critique welcome.

***

It began when we first realized that we were of the Divine.  And we touched that core of divinity inside ourselves and found the entire universe, waiting there, hiding in our hearts.
When we found that, it changed us.  Not all at once, of course.  But slowly, like water wears away a rock, we changed.

After all, when we are all part of a greater whole, fighting each other begins to look a little silly.  We can help each other up as easily as ripping each other down, and we all benefit that way.

That's not to say we created a utopia.  People still disagree.  There's still only so much of certain items to go around, and we have to find ways to share or allot them.  But our eyes are open, now.  We see what happens when we fight, when we war.  When we think our beliefs are so important they take precedence over other people.

It's not perfect.  But we're trying.  And it all begins when we realize that we're all part of the Divine.  All part of the same whole.  And while our individuality is important, so is our community.  Because other people are part of the whole, just as we are.  And when we neglect them, we're betraying our own divinity.

Join us.  Open your eyes.

Be of the Divine, and be the future.
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« Reply #1: November 05, 2009, 02:32:34 am »

I'm working on the mythology of FlameKeeping, and this is the first one I've written.  So - does it make sense?  For those of you that have read some of my stuff, does it *fit*?  Does it teach you anything, or do you just want to gag?  Etc.  All critique welcome.

Congratulations on making a start Smiley

To answer your questions; yes, it makes sense to me. The ideas are clear and consice and there is a narrative flow. I don't know how well it fits with your other stuff (not having read any yet - about to change that Smiley ), but I can certainly see lessons of value that it communicates. For me it communicates them well, but sparely.

If anything, I'd say that in its current form it strikes me as being pretty much pared back to just the lessons. Perhaps fleshing it out with more narrative/characters/connecting events/scene settings that communicate, demonstrate and embody those lessons? I think it's easier to remember a story with a little more connective tissue, which can make them a more effective teaching tool. They also strike me as the sort of elements that allow you to communicate more of your founding perspective. You have to assume that your religion will grow beyond you and will outlast you. I think that those who come after you will thank you for clear, archetypal situations with a degree of interpretation expressed through characters they can recognise and identify with to some degree. It gives them points on which to build and helps to capture more of your thought and belief that they (one hopes) will wish to found such building on.

Or maybe I'm just rambling again Smiley
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« Reply #2: November 05, 2009, 06:18:43 am »

I'm working on the mythology of FlameKeeping, and this is the first one I've written.  So - does it make sense?  For those of you that have read some of my stuff, does it *fit*?  Does it teach you anything, or do you just want to gag?  Etc.  All critique welcome.

I liked it and it does fit with what I have read of your things although I admit I only had a quick squizz while trying to figure out what a "flamekeeper" was and why I had never heard of one. Smiley I do agree with what BGMarc said about characters though. But I like stories.
Definately no gagging
Cheers
Monica.
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Star
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« Reply #3: November 05, 2009, 07:42:11 am »

I'm working on the mythology of FlameKeeping, and this is the first one I've written.  So - does it make sense?  For those of you that have read some of my stuff, does it *fit*?  Does it teach you anything, or do you just want to gag?  Etc.  All critique welcome.

It fits with what I remember (though it's been a while).  We are all a part of the divine; that's what you always say, and that's what this says.

Mostly, I'm with Marc:  Good start, but I think it's a little sparse.  It could stand to be fleshed out more.  The lesson is there, but there's not a lot of myth-story to hang it on and I think you do need that if you're talking "mythology" as opposed to simply lessons.  The one minor nit I've got is that the way it starts ("It began when...") puts my brain on a creation-story track, but then immediately you're talking about people realizing stuff, so the implication there is that they've already been existing without realizing this truth about their being part of the Divine (so, not creation as such).  It's a minor confusion, but something I think could stand to be ironed out.  How to go about that maybe depends on whether you intended to invoke the whole creation thing or not; if not, just being more specific about what "it" is that's beginning would probably do it.  Cheesy  If you did intend creation overtones...  All I've got is that it might need a little more attention to the logistics of who's realizing things and how they got to a point where they were there to have realizations?

My two cents, take it or leave it, as usual.  Smiley
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« Reply #4: November 05, 2009, 08:24:16 am »

Or maybe I'm just rambling again Smiley

Actually, I found this very helpful.  Thank you.

It's *weird* trying to write from the future back.  And this is, after all, just the first story.  I wanted to make sure THIS one worked before I did a whole slew of them! Cheesy
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« Reply #5: November 05, 2009, 09:36:47 am »

I'm working on the mythology of FlameKeeping, and this is the first one I've written.  So - does it make sense?  For those of you that have read some of my stuff, does it *fit*?  Does it teach you anything, or do you just want to gag?  Etc.  All critique welcome.

A Purpose-filled Life:

We always wanted to know our purpose.  And for a long time, we looked to the past to find it.

Look to the future.

It is not what we are that defines us, but what we can become.  We can be greatness.  We can be loved.  We can change the future.

Purpose.  For a long time, we thought purpose was something we were given.  It is not.  It is something we create.

We are the Eyes and Hands of the Divine.  Our purpose, then, is to grow in that divinity.  To act in ways that enrich the universe.  To become.

Each person must find their own purpose for themselves.  We cannot speak to what that purpose must be.  But we can speak of how to find it.

Touch the world.  Find what can be changed, what can be improved, and do so.  Make things better for all that you touch.  Find where the Divine can grow, and nurture it.

Don't look to the past for your purpose.  Look to the future.  Not what you are, but what you can be.  Not what you've done, but what you might do.

Be the world you wish to see, and that is purpose enough for any lifetime.
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« Reply #6: November 05, 2009, 10:06:35 am »


Nice work Shad! I like it.... Cheesy
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« Reply #7: November 05, 2009, 10:30:01 am »

I'm working on the mythology of FlameKeeping, and this is the first one I've written.  So - does it make sense?  For those of you that have read some of my stuff, does it *fit*?  Does it teach you anything, or do you just want to gag?  Etc.  All critique welcome.


First, this is a monumental task and and I have every bit of confidence that you can pull this off.

I think what you have there looks like a good framework for the beginning. I agree though with Star and Marc though that it could use a little more story to hang on to. I'm not sure if it's just because I've read all of the essays over the years, but it had more of that weekly essay feel to it rather than a book beginning. Of course, I have the privilege of reading all your fiction too, so my opinion may be a bit colored Tongue I could be looking for something in between the essays and your fiction style

I'm drawing a blank on how to describe what I mean, but for lack of a better word, I could envision some sort of parables?
Also, just a thought. I wonder if your collection of essays themselves have some place with the book.
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Dancing in harmony, balance assured, dark absorbs so light may endure.~<>~

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« Reply #8: November 05, 2009, 10:37:04 am »

Oce!  ((((Hugs))))

I think what you have there looks like a good framework for the beginning. I agree though with Star and Marc though that it could use a little more story to hang on to. I'm not sure if it's just because I've read all of the essays over the years, but it had more of that weekly essay feel to it rather than a book beginning. Of course, I have the privilege of reading all your fiction too, so my opinion may be a bit colored Tongue I could be looking for something in between the essays and your fiction style

I think that's pretty much what I'm trying to say, too.  These myths feel less like myths and more like the essays I've seen Shad post about Flamekeeping.  And there's nothing particularly wrong with that--they work as weekly-essay-type things.  I just don't know that they're necessarily mythology as such.  But my opinion may also be colored by experience with her essays and fiction (albeit not as extensive as your experience).

Quote
I'm drawing a blank on how to describe what I mean, but for lack of a better word, I could envision some sort of parables?

I think parables is a good word.
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I can also now be found on Goodreads.
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« Reply #9: November 05, 2009, 12:28:30 pm »

First, this is a monumental task and and I have every bit of confidence that you can pull this off.

I think what you have there looks like a good framework for the beginning. I agree though with Star and Marc though that it could use a little more story to hang on to. I'm not sure if it's just because I've read all of the essays over the years, but it had more of that weekly essay feel to it rather than a book beginning. Of course, I have the privilege of reading all your fiction too, so my opinion may be a bit colored Tongue I could be looking for something in between the essays and your fiction style

I'm drawing a blank on how to describe what I mean, but for lack of a better word, I could envision some sort of parables?
Also, just a thought. I wonder if your collection of essays themselves have some place with the book.

Well, as mentioned in the other thread, I'm ALSO going to have essay section where I tease out what's going on.  It's going to be overview, myths, essays.  (though I'm rewriting them completely and pulling them into chapter form instead of just leaving them as-is).

I'm going to have to REALLY think about the more-story part, since that seems to be a common theme.

Thanks!
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« Reply #10: November 06, 2009, 08:37:07 pm »

I'm working on the mythology of FlameKeeping, and this is the first one I've written.  So - does it make sense?  For those of you that have read some of my stuff, does it *fit*?  Does it teach you anything, or do you just want to gag?  Etc.  All critique welcome.

And another - a different tack.  Is this what you're talking about?

When you read it, what does it seem to be saying to you?

***


You are standing there, in a crowd of people, waiting.  There is theoretically a line at the other end, and a way in, but you're not sure you believe it anymore.  You're not even sure what you're waiting for anymore.  It's just that you know, supposedly, good things await those people that get to the front of the line.

There's a lot of pushing and shoving going on in the crowd.  You really don't like the fact that it's crowded and you have to compete with all these other people.  It doesn't even matter what the prize is.  It's enough that you have to compete for it and you don't want to.  So you shove back.

Of course, a shoving match can only escalate.  The next thing you realize, it's a full out brawl.  Everyone's fighting.

But do you know what you're fighting for?  You're told you have to, that there's only so much to go around and that fighting is necessary to get your fair share, but you don't even know what it is you're after.

Stop.  Step back.

Look at the people around you.  You're not fighting other people.  You're fighting yourself.  There isn't even any competition, or any gate.  You're just so convinced there has to be something on the other side you're fighting anything you can find to get through it.

But when you stop fighting, you realize there is no line and no gate.  There's no destination.  There's just where you are.  And what you make of it is your own decision.

There you are.

Now what are you going to do with that?
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« Reply #11: November 09, 2009, 08:39:46 am »

And another - a different tack.  Is this what you're talking about?

It's more parable-y, yes.  Much more story, but still contains the lesson.  I'm not sure I'd call it mythology, but I may be too stuck on mythology as a third-person framed-as-historical story and I'm not sure if that's actually critical to the definition or not.  It definitely feels different from a weekly-lesson-type thing to me, now, though.

Quote
When you read it, what does it seem to be saying to you?

It seems to be saying, stop worrying about what comes after and deal with the life you've got.  What happens later should not determine your actions here and now.  That sticks with me, I think, because of the way it ends ("with the there's no destination" and the "there you are"), so that's what's freshest in my mind.  On a little further reflection, I'd also add a theme that getting ahead just to get ahead, or fighting just to get what you consider to be your fair share, isn't good motivation--that one should stop and think about what's going on first.  I wouldn't say it's a message about pacifism, though, just mindfulness and...  You must have the brain today, because I can't come up with the word I'm looking for here.  Not making it all about you.  Un-selfishness... but not necessarily selflessness.

My one critique of this is it might be nice to see more of what appropriate interaction with the crowd is.  You say, "You're not fighting other people.  You're fighting yourself," but those other people are still there, right?  So...  how do they fit into the not-fighting aspect of this?  What happens if, while they're fighting themselves, their flailing arms accidentally hit you in the gut?  I say the message isn't pacifism and it's not selflessness, but that's really only because there's no active indication of those things; there's no indication against them either, so I guess it could probably be read either way.
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I can also now be found on Goodreads.
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« Reply #12: November 10, 2009, 09:30:50 pm »

I'm working on the mythology of FlameKeeping, and this is the first one I've written.  So - does it make sense?  For those of you that have read some of my stuff, does it *fit*?  Does it teach you anything, or do you just want to gag?  Etc.  All critique welcome.

It doesn't end!  Someone stop me!  (or give me feedback.  whatever. Cheesy)

***

Stories from the future:
The change began when we first realized that we were of the Divine.  We touched that core of divinity inside ourselves and found the entire universe, waiting there, hiding in our hearts.

When we found that, it changed us.  Not all at once, of course.  But slowly, like water wears away a rock, we changed.

After all, when we are all part of a greater whole, fighting each other begins to look a little silly.  We can help each other up as easily as ripping each other down, and we all benefit that way.

That's not to say we created a utopia.  People still disagree.  There's still only so much of certain items to go around, and we have to find ways to share or allot them.  But our eyes are open, now.  We see what happens when we fight, when we war.  When we think our beliefs are so important they take precedence over other people.

It's not perfect.  But we're trying.  And it all begins when we realize that we're all part of the Divine.  All part of the same whole.  And while our individuality is important, so is our community.  Because other people are part of the whole, just as we are.  And when we neglect them, we're betraying our own divinity.

Join us.  Open your eyes.

Be of the Divine, and be the future.

Story:
You are.

A tiny speck, floating in nothingness, you exist.

Then you realize.  You are aware.  You are that matter, that thing.  There is not room for both yourself and your awareness of yourself, and you explode into matter.

You are the universe.  You go from being one thing to all things, and are forever sundered from your original oneness.

Now you are one and many.  You are the individual looking up at the sky, and you are the sky looking back.

You are the Universe.  You are the Divine.

And you are the one looking at the sky, as the sky looks back.
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« Reply #13: November 10, 2009, 09:57:16 pm »

You are the universe.  You go from being one thing to all things, and are forever sundered from your original oneness.

Now you are one and many.  You are the individual looking up at the sky, and you are the sky looking back.

You are the Universe.  You are the Divine.

And you are the one looking at the sky, as the sky looks back.

Now that I like.  Gave me the goosebumpies.  Smiley
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« Reply #14: November 10, 2009, 10:01:13 pm »

Now that I like.  Gave me the goosebumpies.  Smiley

GOOD!  That's the response I want! Cheesy

Thank you!
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