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Author Topic: Pagan Parents: How Do You Discipline Your Children  (Read 4081 times)
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« Topic Start: November 09, 2009, 10:15:09 am »

How do you discipline your children?
« Last Edit: November 09, 2009, 05:28:59 pm by RandallS, Reason: Subject Changed » Logged

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« Reply #1: November 09, 2009, 10:29:10 am »

How do you discipline your children?

Mine's only two, so options are limited.  She doesn't yet seem to make connections between events that are too far apart, so saying "if you don't eat all your dinner now, you can't have any TV later" doesn't really have any effect.  Mostly, right now our issues are not so much with her doing things she shouldn't as with her just not listening and not doing as we ask her to, so we've adopted the "if you don't do it, I will do it for you" approach.  This works even with things like putting toys away that are technically "chores", because she's in that independent phase where she wants to do everything herself.  The difficult bit is determining exactly when to start doing whatever-it-is for her and when to back off after starting to do it because she's decided to do it herself after all.  We want to encourage her to do things for herself, but at the same time those things do have to get done.  The main thing seems to be that we have to stick with it, whatever we choose to do, and not give in just because she's throwing a tantrum.

The one specific thing we've started doing recently is taking away toys that are being used in ways that might damage things (i.e. the toys, cabinets, furniture, people, cats--mostly banging and scraping surfaces).  We'll tell her a couple of times to stop, and then the toy gets taken away for five minutes.  We set a timer and explain to her that when it beeps, she can have the toy back, and that seems to head off any screamfests over taking the toy itself away. 

We do also send her to her room if she throws a fit over not getting her way, but that's not so much discipline as it is just giving her a chance to calm down.  There's no set time she has to stay in there, and we don't shut her in or anything--it's just to give her a change of scenery in hopes that will help, and to spare our ears.

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« Reply #2: November 09, 2009, 08:29:10 pm »

We do also send her to her room if she throws a fit over not getting her way, but that's not so much discipline as it is just giving her a chance to calm down.  There's no set time she has to stay in there, and we don't shut her in or anything--it's just to give her a change of scenery in hopes that will help, and to spare our ears.

It's funny. I remember being told to "go to your room and find a better mood" as a child. You're right, it's not really a punishment: you can do what you like there and the time up there is only limited by how long it takes you to pull yourself together and get in a good enough mood to come back down and apologize civilly. Still, it's probably the best tool I know of for working with kids.

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« Reply #3: November 10, 2009, 03:14:47 am »

How do you discipline your children?

I have three..... so it's kind of a trick all across the board.  And honestly....this is a very wide question....... discipline can come from many differing levels.  I will admit.....yes....i spank my children.... the younger ones, when of course it is necessary. (not too often but more than i would like)  i have found that talking with the child, no matter the age, can really do a big thing on the mind of a young one.  My 3 year old can not stand it when he's let me or the bf down...... in his case, it's usually enough to tell him what he did wrong and have him explain himself.( yes i believe a 3 yr old can understand, he's shown me that he can)  My 5 yr old we have to take a bit different....... she is extremely sensitive... something that is coming out a bit more at this point...i am in a whilrwind about how to deal with her.... but ftm..... just like her brother.....
the oldest is 12...... very tough to discipline something that i know is a phase...something we all go through.... but i also can not let her walk over us and get away with murder...... for the most part.....she gets to listen to them 1-2 hr lectures i used to hate.... and has even gone as far as having her books taken away.....

Like i said.....very broad question...... suppose your looking for a broad spectrum of answers???  or something in particular???
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« Reply #4: November 10, 2009, 04:11:49 am »

How do you discipline your children?

Generally we just talk to Elizabeth. She is 8 now and she doesn't like it if she thinks that we are disappointed in her. She is an incredibly sensitive child, so just talking to her does the trick. Smacking your child is illegal over here now, so things can get a little difficult. Before that though, I have only had to smack her backside once as she was having a tantrum and kind of stopped breathing with hysterics, so I gave her a noisy smack (you know, the one where you cup your hand so it is mainly a loud noise rather than hurting), but that was the only time in 8 years that she has had a tantrum. She doesn't do that now, but she can sulk for the country! My Gods, she is good at sulking-I've never seen another child that can sulk like she can! Wink

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« Reply #5: November 10, 2009, 07:40:38 am »

How do you discipline your children?

With mine, first we try talking.  Unfortunately, once he gets locked into a pattern, he CANNOT seem to hear us.  Then we put him in his room for a while until he calms down enough that he can listen.

The other thing that works is *skipping* him if it should be his turn for something and he's not paying attention, but that only works if there's someone else to TAKE a turn!

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« Reply #6: April 28, 2010, 02:27:16 pm »

How do you discipline your children?

With bricks.  Five times daily.
Mine are older though, so I can blame the bruises on sports and bike riding...  ;-)

I stay on them, make sure consequences are immediate and unexpected.  I caught them in the garage yesterday locking the frosting off cupcakes I had thrown away while they were supposed to be putting away their bikes. (um ew.) so I sent them to their rooms.  I brought all the cupcakes in, coated them in dish soap, put them on plates and called the boys down.  Told them I had seen the error of my ways and that they are absolutely right, the garbage is a perfectly alright place to eat from.  Especially if I was so unreasonable as to throw away cupcakes.  Sit, sit...  have a cupcake.  Start off with a big lick of frosting.

Needless to say, neither one will be eating from the trash again any time soon.  Afterward they got the riot act on not eating out of the garbage while rinsing their mouths out, and not getting into the garbage in the first place.

I also keep a few particularly unpleasant jobs in waiting for them.  Bagging up rose canes, cleaning behind the table in the garage (spiders!) and the ever popular push ups method.  I put them both in a fitness boot camp earlier this spring because they were getting a bit mouthy, but unfortunately the gal teaching it was really sweet and really didn't push them very hard.  I've got my oldest taking spin with me because the teacher in that class is a butt kicker and gives you the motivational speeches and stays on you the whole time.  This way they can see that moms not the only big meany in the world.  Oddly he likes it though, and says this guy should teach PE at his school.

I keep the more 'dramatic' punishments at hand to keep them on their toes and to remind them that while they are well on their way to bigger than me, I've got a few years on them and have no problem devising ways to get my point across.

If they're at a friends house, I'll show up unexpectedly to make sure they're where they said they would be.  If they're late, they don't go anywhere for the rest of the week.

When they were younger we did the time out thing, and in retrospect; I wish I had said no sooner and more often, did less clearing of tables and more setting boundaries.  It would make life now much easier. 

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« Reply #7: April 28, 2010, 03:05:30 pm »

I think it is important to remember: you are not their friend, you are their parent.  This doesn't mean you can't have fun, it does mean that it is your job to socialize your children and teach them to function in our society.  If you don't you are doing them a disservice.  Big time.

I think a most excellent example is when I friend of my little sister's was in the driver's license department at the same time as my sister and mother.  She failed her drive test (they were 16) and at 16, in public, threw herself on the floor and had a full on tantrum.  Not exactly a life skill, hmmm?  Her parents should have nipped that in the bud.  My daughter threw 2 tantrums right after her brother was born - and never again because my response was to walk away and ignore her. 

I made it clear from day one exactly where the line was and refused to budge - unless a calm logical argument that I agreed with was used.  I even said to my son once "I don't want to punish you, but I have told you if you do that one more time I will.  So I will if you do it again, because I don't lie to you."  But my rules were always clear, and if I said yes it stayed yes, and if it was no then it was no.  Oh, and my ears ALWAYS malfunctioned when someone was whining - very strange thing.  Wink
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« Reply #8: April 28, 2010, 03:32:26 pm »

How do you discipline your children?

Brutal beatings thrice daily.  Or so goes the joke at our house.

I don't think being a pagan impacted the way I disciplined my kid.  I would probably have employed the same collection of time-outs, rational conversation, humor, and rewards/respect regardless of religion.  I think he turned out okay.  Ya know...mostly.  Wink

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« Reply #9: May 07, 2010, 09:53:05 pm »

Don't have any myself, but I think my parents did a good job on me.  So here's what they did.

1)  If you say you'll do something, do it.  Good and bad.  So if you threaten to take away a toy or not allow them to go to someone's house if they misbehave, then do it.  But also, if you promise them icecream, then make sure they get icecream.

2)  Negotiations are never really negotiations if you decide they aren't.  I remember trying to haggle for my mother for time before bed - I'd say an hour, she'd say half an hour.  Sometimes I could get her to agree on forty-five minutes, but if I ever stayed adamant at an hour, she'd reduce it to twenty minutes, then fifteen, until I came back to less than an hour.  I'm so glad she's decided I'm old enough to deal with the consequences of whatever time I go to bed...

3)  I was always very...dignified.  I hated being embarrassed.  Being told off in public was embarrassing.  So she and I came to an understanding.  She would clear her throat, and if I kept doing what I was doing, she would then tell me off, and I really hated that.  So if she cleared her throat, I stopped.  All the family friends thought she was magic!   Grin

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« Reply #10: May 11, 2010, 08:18:43 am »

I don't think being a pagan impacted the way I disciplined my kid. 

I think Brina is more to the point. Being a Pagan doesn't change how I "discipline" (terribly word) my 2 daughters.

There are certain things that are pre-defined in our household (come back from school -> do homework; max 1 hour of games, PC, TV during week; etc.).

The worst punishment we do in extreme cases is like 1 week without mobile, or Messenger (that seems to be a vital item ... Wink.

Neither my wife nor I believe in beatings or whatever physical punishments there might be; we never beat our children.

According to school and other sources, we seem to have done a good job up until now (my daughters are 8 and 12).

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