A close call, that could have been far worse.

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[Ocelot]

I HAVE to go, otherwise it's chickening out.  If you hide, people assume you have something to hide, or that you are backing down.  I'm contemplating just not having the kids swim.  Make an appearance, and then head on for greener pastures.

Sounds like a tough situation. My feeling has always been, who cares what other people think. especially when it comes to kids. If someone thinks I'm a chicken, so be it. I just have to do what's right for my family and me.

[Mandi]

Good luck.  What has been the reaction of the mother of the kid that pushed yours in the first place? (my personal reactions, had it been Stanley, the most likely one of mine to do such pushing, and assuming that I was ok with the no lifeguard thing, is that he doesn't swim for a good portion of the rest of the season. He gets to sit next to me and watch the others swim, because he isn't safe with other kids.  Period)

I'm mean to my kids, I would have them not swim, make the appearance and go somewhere else fun. Rock and a hard place this one.  It'll probably take outside intervention or a drowning to get it removed, and that's the sad part.  But it won't be your kid that drowns.

No swimsuits.  I've had trouble even putting my suit back on.  I occasionally wear it under some tops because it has good cleavage.  yay halter.  The last time I put it on I almost tossed it, and said eh.  I'll just get a new one, but it's a brand new suit, and it just smacks of mental wishy washy ness for me to completely and totally have to disassociate/ dispose of everything that brings the incident to mind.

I've been really good about not "outing" the other mom.  She has appologized profusely; and her son says it was an "accident" although Boom has been able to tell me what the kid said right before shoving him in with two hands in the middle of his back. ("blue-boooomy" which leads me to think he thought he was vanquishing some super villain)

She says she explained to him about not pushing younger kids, or anyone for that matter into a pool.  The kid is 6 going on 7 though, and in the kindergarten next door to my oldest sons class.  I have "accepted" her apologies, and I know she would be horrified were anyone to know it was her kid.

I also haven't outed the gal who passed on the gossip to me about the other moms who are pushing back saying it was negligence on my part rather than a case of distraction.  Although I would like to, since she has very clearly marked herself as a shit stirrer.  I can only imagine whats coming out of the other side of her mouth when I'm not around.  Same gal who's having the get together. 

It's put me in a position where the people I trusted somewhat have made themselves people I can clearly not trust. 

To go and actively engage is going to be hell.  To just show up and be a wallflower would hurt more than help I think.  To have to put it together, look calm and reasonable and answer whatever horrible detailed questions that others can think of, absorb the stares, and the waves of 'perfect' moms clucking their tongues, the baby moms who's kids haven't yet moved out of arms reach, and still count as carry on luggage swearing up and down it would never be their kid... knowing I said the exact same words every time someone elses kid so much as skinned a knee. :sigh:

yeah, I'm just getting myself in a bunch over it.

I don't have swimming in me, and in all reality I pray to the gawds above and below it gets rained out.  Which is actually a possibility.  I hope.

[mandrina]

I've been really good about not "outing" the other mom.  She has appologized profusely; and her son says it was an "accident" although Boom has been able to tell me what the kid said right before shoving him in with two hands in the middle of his back. ("blue-boooomy" which leads me to think he thought he was vanquishing some super villain)

She says she explained to him about not pushing younger kids, or anyone for that matter into a pool.  The kid is 6 going on 7 though, and in the kindergarten next door to my oldest sons class.  I have "accepted" her apologies, and I know she would be horrified were anyone to know it was her kid.

So long as she's behaving as if it was her kids fault, I wouldn't out her either. Her kid is more age like my youngest, and there is some more leeway.  But she would still be restricted to the 'this side of the fountain where I can see you at all times" once we got over the "OMG you pushed a child into the deep end you get to stay out of the pool for however long' period

I also haven't outed the gal who passed on the gossip to me about the other moms who are pushing back saying it was negligence on my part rather than a case of distraction.  Although I would like to, since she has very clearly marked herself as a shit stirrer.  I can only imagine whats coming out of the other side of her mouth when I'm not around.  Same gal who's having the get together. 

It's put me in a position where the people I trusted somewhat have made themselves people I can clearly not trust. 

Her I might not be so forgiving of.

I don't have swimming in me, and in all reality I pray to the gawds above and below it gets rained out.  Which is actually a possibility.  I hope.

Raindance time.

[Marilyn (ABSENTMINDED)]

I don't have swimming in me, and in all reality I pray to the gawds above and below it gets rained out.  Which is actually a possibility.  I hope.

Start piling up stones.

Absent

[Mandi]

Start piling up stones.

Absent

lol...

where does that confidence go when it's a need thing? 

[Oaksworn]

I HAVE to go, otherwise it's chickening out.  If you hide, people assume you have something to hide, or that you are backing down.  I'm contemplating just not having the kids swim.  Make an appearance, and then head on for greener pastures.

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough go of it.  Sad to say it appears that this is one of those situations in which there really is no right answer.  Out of curiosity, how do your kids feel about going?  Do they really want to go and have fun or do they want to avoid the pool as much as you do?  If they would rather avoid the place for now then it's a simple, "Sorry, the kids aren't up to it right now."

I've been really good about not "outing" the other mom.  She has appologized profusely; and her son says it was an "accident" although Boom has been able to tell me what the kid said right before shoving him in with two hands in the middle of his back. ("blue-boooomy" which leads me to think he thought he was vanquishing some super villain)

She says she explained to him about not pushing younger kids, or anyone for that matter into a pool.  The kid is 6 going on 7 though, and in the kindergarten next door to my oldest sons class.  I have "accepted" her apologies, and I know she would be horrified were anyone to know it was her kid.

Glad to hear that they're taking responsibility for being the catalyst for this whole mess.  Kudo's to you for not dumping them in the spotlight.  I'd have had a much harder time of it.

I don't have swimming in me, and in all reality I pray to the gawds above and below it gets rained out.  Which is actually a possibility.  I hope.

Raindance time.

Just say the word.  There's enough folk here friendly with storms that it's a definite option.  I have to wonder, how well would the mushroom spurt water after being struck by lightning?

[Mandi]

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough go of it.  Sad to say it appears that this is one of those situations in which there really is no right answer.  Out of curiosity, how do your kids feel about going?  Do they really want to go and have fun or do they want to avoid the pool as much as you do?  If they would rather avoid the place for now then it's a simple, "Sorry, the kids aren't up to it right now."

Glad to hear that they're taking responsibility for being the catalyst for this whole mess.  Kudo's to you for not dumping them in the spotlight.  I'd have had a much harder time of it.

Just say the word.  There's enough folk here friendly with storms that it's a definite option.  I have to wonder, how well would the mushroom spurt water after being struck by lightning?

Oh gawds... woot, lol.  I love you all.  I could do with the mushroom having a little pyrotechnic action.

The boys are way too happy to be going to the little *whatever* it turns out to be on friday.  Which is part of why I'm even bothering - in addition to facing down the cats and the barks.

My oldest was telling daddy-o about it earlier today at his own direction, which made me all the more hopeful for rain. 

There's a 50% chance for friday, so hopefully we can work with what we've got.

[V]

Why does it take something so serious for change to happen?

Imagine the lawsuits if nothing is done, and they have complaints from multiple moms on file.

I've gotten the customary "the situation is being reviewed" response, but it's far from satisfactory. 

Sorry I'm coming in late.  I just read this thread and must pick my jaw up off the floor.  Gods, what a horrible story.  And, NOW the way other moms are responding is horrible...

...horrible, but somehow not that surprising.  What happened to you and your whole family is probably too scary for them to process logically.  They have to rationalize that it could never happen to them.  If they can, in their minds, pretend that you weren't watching, then maybe they can sleep at night.

From what I'm reading here, you're understanding of how to proceed are spot on.  You've got to do whatever you can to raise their awareness to the danger.  Many of them will go through a period of being too scared by the possibilities to admit the danger to themselves.  In time, I'll bet lots of those moms will get over their "deer in headlights" response.  (I'll bet they're watching their little ones a lot closer than they ever did before--especially around the mushroom.)

I also think you're right in your assessment of how they'll "bunch up" if you conveniently (for them) take yourself out of their gatherings and meetings.  If you're not present, they'll reinforce each others' rationalizing that there's no real danger.  If you ARE present, each individual mom has to think for herself.  (Not to say they won't act as a pack, but your being there will introduce another dimension to their individual thoughts.)

Having to tell your story over and over, and having to fend off barbs is totally unfair to you.  However, in this case, YOU are the messenger.  You are a brave woman!

[Mandi]

That's something that hadn't occurred to me.  It's not defense of the mushroom, but defense of why something like this just couldn't happen in our sheltered little neighborhood unless there was a 'bad person' to blame.

They either have to blame, or accept that it isn't such a worry free world as the brochures promised.

It is a very pretty sword, and I am quite fond of it.  Actually I think you just pulled it out of my back.  It's more useful where you can see it.

:admires shiny edge:

It also kind of pinpoints why I haven't been able to shake off the gloomies.  The entire incident compromises your feeling of control and safety.  You can be doing your best, and sometimes it isn't enough.  The checks and balances we create to try to feel like we have control over SOMETHING really only work a percentage of the time, and maybe only because we believe they work.  The randomness of it all leaves you feeling helpless and incapable.  Shatters your illusions of control.

Things are better today, and if someone has the poor taste to point blank accuse me of negligence, then I'm ready with ace in pocket.

Thanks 

[V]

They either have to blame, or accept that it isn't such a worry free world as the brochures promised.

There is one more minor facet (possibility) that I'm gonna mention.  Find out how the mushroom came to be.  I mean did the developer put it in?  If so, the moms might not be overly attached to it although there are bound to be a couple of people who loved the look of the mushroom and put it on their "pro" list when they decided to buy their property.

Or did the mushroom come to be through the action of some committee?  Or a group fundraising project?  If so, you need to know who came up with the idea and all of the debate over the thing.  People who were involved with the original decision are bound to be very protective of the mushroom.  i.e. "Don't you go callin' my baby ugly!"

You need all the history in order to properly attack the damn mushroom because it may be a meaningful symbol to some of the moms. 

[hassMysteria]

We went to the pool today.

You already know what I'm going to say.

I almost lost my 4yo to drowning.

!! thank goodness everything was alright and you reacted in the way that you did!!

my thoughts go out to you today

Blessings!

[Mandi]

There is one more minor facet (possibility) that I'm gonna mention.  Find out how the mushroom came to be.  I mean did the developer put it in?  If so, the moms might not be overly attached to it although there are bound to be a couple of people who loved the look of the mushroom and put it on their "pro" list when they decided to buy their property.

Or did the mushroom come to be through the action of some committee?  Or a group fundraising project?  If so, you need to know who came up with the idea and all of the debate over the thing.  People who were involved with the original decision are bound to be very protective of the mushroom.  i.e. "Don't you go callin' my baby ugly!"

You need all the history in order to properly attack the damn mushroom because it may be a meaningful symbol to some of the moms. 

It's a prosperity symbol for sure.  Giant red capped phallic mushroom... (ammonita even... lol) prosperity...  go figger.     Came with the neighborhood, but we are a honeycombed neighborhood.  There are over 400 homes, in a bit over 20 complexes in the community, and this is "pool 2" which is the smaller of the two pools, favored by the moms of elementary and under kids for better ease of keeping a hold of their monsters, and avoiding the meat market that is the "main pool"   There is less concrete area for kids to run off in.

The main pool is an entire complex composed of three pools, a clubhouse and a snack bar.  Including a fenced off 3ft depth kids pool, and a 1ft paddling pool for the little little ones.

When I mailed the moms group, the e-mail went out to over 150 moms.

I think the mushroom has the representation of the *special* pool and dictates it a children's pool.  Drives away undesirables like teens, sunbathers, singles and the like.  (pay local teens to vandalize said mushroom.... hmmmmm) It also provides a bit of cover.  While it blocks your view of anything going on at the pool, it also blocks you from the prying eyes of others who might be walking by the pool.

it gives the illusion of being in a protected area.

A couple of the negative mails have reflected the "we love the mushroom/ don't call my baby ugly" mentality, but I think the attachment is that it gives something to distract gals who would otherwise have a hard time dealing with being in public in a swimsuit.

[V]

it gives the illusion of being in a protected area.

A couple of the negative mails have reflected the "we love the mushroom/ don't call my baby ugly" mentality, but I think the attachment is that it gives something to distract gals who would otherwise have a hard time dealing with being in public in a swimsuit.

Ahhhh....methinks that you are really working on nailing down the pro-mushroom perspective.  I hate it when good people have to stoop to gathering info in order to plan their manipulative attack, but...damn.  You gotta do what you gotta do.  And when you do it with the full knowledge of what you're doing and why (and it really is motivated by a true sense of social responsibility--which you seem to have), I think that you have a good chance of doing it without putting your "light" in jeopardy.  (When we manipulate without completely knowing what you're doing, I think that is what we call "politics" isn't it?)

[mandrina]

Oh gawds... woot, lol.  I love you all.  I could do with the mushroom having a little pyrotechnic action.

The boys are way too happy to be going to the little *whatever* it turns out to be on friday.  Which is part of why I'm even bothering - in addition to facing down the cats and the barks.

My oldest was telling daddy-o about it earlier today at his own direction, which made me all the more hopeful for rain. 

There's a 50% chance for friday, so hopefully we can work with what we've got.

SO, did it rain?  Hopefully you got what we were supposed to get.

[Mandi]

SO, did it rain?  Hopefully you got what we were supposed to get.

It rained!  Thank goodness.  I think I cackled gleefully through out the entire afternoon.

It started raining 5th inning of a baseball game we went to on Thursday, and it's still good and gray out.

Rain looks BEAUTIFUL from inside a stadium.  The lights make the raindrops look like the falling embers of fireworks.  They look like they're suspended or flying up rather than down.  I was looking and all of a sudden I felt the wind start to change and I was like ummm... babe... that was the two minute warning.  If we're going to make it to the car before everyone starts running we have to go NOW!!!

The two rows behind us cleared when I said that too.

So while everyone else was complaining about the rain delay - awwww it's just a couple sprinkles, awww it'll blow over - the lightning on the horizon kind of contradicted that thought- (the home team, was stalling at the plate to get the game called incomplete on rain rather than having a 5th inning loss) we were racing up the steps.  We got as far as the parking lot when the sky opened up and dumped in sheets.

You could hear a collective moan from the ball park, but we were running as fast as we could in rain so heavy you could barely see your hand in front of your face.

Yaaaaay! and school is done for the year, so I can recover quietly in peace without being poked at by other PTA'ers who have been so sick of seeing each other all the time that the natives have been getting a bit restless.

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