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Author Topic: My latest writing exercise - Comments are welcome  (Read 5317 times)
SunflowerP
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Religion: Eclectic Wicca-compatible religious Witch (Libertarian Witchcraft)
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« Reply #3: February 01, 2010, 06:22:30 pm »

What Shad said.  I did read all of it, so I know you eventually get more conflict than the frog-collecting, but... well, that took a while, and I was kind of bored.  Too much description, of things the reader doesn't need to see in detail; far too much backstory - if the story you're telling really requires all that backstory to support it, you can still spread it out over later chapters; if it's really all needed immediately, that's what prologues are for.

As an editor friend tells me editors often say:  Doesn't grab.

It was a lovely spring morning....  The moon was almost set, a dim silver crescent near the south-western horizon
A detail, but the sort of thing that can put readers off badly:  I'm sure it would be very pretty to see a setting crescent moon at sunrise, but it's physically impossible.

Sunflower
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