Native American friend that personal spiritual totems don't really exist in most modern communities
At the risk of sounding argumentative I disagree.
As a Anishnabe/Irish woman I have experienced and continue to experience the benefits of being in relationship with my personal spiritual totems. Perhaps your friend was inferring/stating that family and clan totems are at risk of disappearing? That would be a reasonable assumption with the loss of culture and tradition that Aboriginal communities endure.
Just a thought.