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Author Topic: Sharing Authority... long  (Read 3769 times)
Mandi
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Last Login:June 03, 2011, 01:52:13 am
United States United States

Religion: ergghhhmmmmnnnnn....
Posts: 1997


Did the big meanies break yer speshulness

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« Topic Start: May 16, 2010, 02:47:34 pm »

For the last 6mo, me and the kiddos have been on our own.  Before that we had another 6mo stretch with hubbs working away from home.  He's in telecom and long story short, has to go where the work is. 

Now, daddy-o is back to stay (well for now anyways) and we are trying to integrate him back into our family order.  This is becoming increasingly irritating.  I won't even bother to be PC and say dificult.  I'm going to say flat out annoying.  Three kiddos, each with their unique issues and having high standards, being a rather OCD type and I was a tech before having kids (all contributes to my belief that there is a process for everything and these processes must be followed in order to achieve an outcome) leaves both hubbs and I at points with each other.

My diet, vegie/ pesci extends to the kiddos in many ways.  This has helped keep my oldest sons weight under control.  He unfortunately is one of those people who every bite counts.  This has been a lifelong struggle for him, and will most likely continue to be.  By cutting things like juice and milk (yup.  Drink water.) and not buying things like cookies, chips, ice cream, cheeses, etc we were able to get 20lb off of him.  Previously a gallon of milk would last almost 3 weeks.  We have gone through TWO gallons this week.

Dad's been back for a week and he's up 5 pounds.  Dad believes in hearty 8oz glasses of milk at dinners, bottles of juice in the fridge because 'he likes them' and shouldn't have to give it up just because the kids shouldn't have it and that's great, since I have my diet pepsi but the kids know better than to touch it or even ask.  (no aspartame for kiddos)  Dad believes in meat at every dinner, cheese on every taco and that every protein wants a carb.  We've been around and around to the point of yelling and slamming doors and it's only been a week.

Rules and boundaries oh my.  9pm is bedtime.  I don't care what day of the week it is, I don't care whether there is only an hour left in the movie.  Finishing it tomorow will not kill you.  I have been called cruel and unusual and have been told that I should have never gotten the movie and that the kids will grow up to hate me because I didn't let them stay up. (of course I don't believe this.)

My oldest is starting to realize that dad thinks he's a lot more mature than he really is.  This means he's getting the benefit of the doubt in cases where he needs the book thrown at him.  I do recall it being a bit like this before, although not as bad because he was young enough that the things it was regarding weren't such a big deal.  Eg.  the kids (9/7) were playing football a couple days ago and Bubba tackled his younger brother.  Even at his lower weight, he still is 20lb bigger than his brother.  He tackled him into the ground and stomped on his knee.  My 7yo has a footprint from my oldests sneaker on the inside of his knee. 

Hubbs was playing as well, and when D cried he was told not to be such a baby because "he was tackling too" even though his idea of a tackle is to hang around his brothers waist and drag his pants down.  This is not going to fly.  My oldest when I spoke to him later knew he was in the wrong and apologised, although it was a day late a buck short.  D looks like he was beaten from the knees down.  They both scrape themselves up pretty good on bikes and wrestling, but D is definitely taking the worst of it.  He didn't bother to show his dad his knee and later showed me.  Hubbs said he must be okay since he didn't say anything earlier.

My oldest is learning that he's getting a longer leash and he has started using some of dad's favorite words... "lame" and rolling his eyes/ huffing and puffing when he doesn't get his way.  He's emulating dad.

Usual house rules would involve Bubba, my oldest loosing privileges, but dad feels that D had it coming to him and gives me grief when I discipline.  He says that I am 'bullying' the kids and that they are afraid of me and that's the only reason they act like they like me.

I don't feel this is the case, my boys come to me with everything - even things I would prefer not to hear, and since they've been with just me alone for 10mo out of the last year, I'd have to say we have a system where everyone knows that they have to pull their own weight, follow the rules and that they will get what they need to get by.

I'm getting tired of arguing with hubbs.  I say it a million times a day, "Live Tight" it's the only way to keep a household of 3 kids on track, clean, fed, civilized and to avoid as many crisis as we can.  He wants the results of live tight, but lacks the discipline to do the things that you have to do to get those results.  He gets upset when things don't fall into place, but doesn't seem to understand how to parent in a way to be respected by the kids and to get the results he wants.

A parenting class isn't gonna be an option.  I'm bringing him up to speed on parenting the way you get a kid who hates vegetables to eat them.  Sneak them in, dress them up and push them through.  The boys need consistency.  We're in a new house, in a new state, new everything.  If we get a precedent set that dad has no boundaries it will be hard to overturn.

Any other bad cops trying to get the fun parent off the couch and enforcing the things that keep the kiddos on track?  What have you done?  What would you do?  Especially when you are accused of being too strict.
Logged

I'm gonna tell my son to join a circus so that death is cheap
And games are just another way of life
And I'm gonna tell my son to be a prophet of mistakes
Because for every truth there are half a million lies
And I'm gonna lock my son up in a tower
Till he learns to let his hair down far enough to climb outside.
-LIz Pahir

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