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Author Topic: Losing a connection?  (Read 5617 times)
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« Topic Start: July 31, 2010, 02:03:17 am »

The short question: Has anyone ever lost contact with their god/goddess for an extended period of time? What happened? Did you ever get that connection back?


The background, for my specific case: I was first drawn to my goddess about 3.5 years ago. We've had what I can only describe as an incredibly close relationship this whole time. She's always been fantastic about communicating with me, several times a week on average. There are times when we can't talk because she's busy, and it's never really bothered me, since she's really good about following up with me, usually speaking with me a few days after a missed connection. Prior to this year, we've never been incommunicado for more than a month at a time, and we've usually picked up right where we left off.   

Things changed this year, though.  I was really sick for a while. I wrote my senior thesis. I searched for a job. I struggled through classes. I graduated. I moved. I got my life in order. Through it all, I would send the occasional mental note (tinged with guilt and regret), "Sorry, I've been busy, I haven't forgotten you, and I miss communicating with you. Just give me a little more time." I never seemed to have energy or time for any more than that, and I just hoped she'd bear with me.   

Finally, a couple of months ago, I finally was back in a stable place in my life, so I wanted to get back in regular contact with her. So I sit down, reach out, and get nothing. Complete radio silence. I figure she's busy. So, I wait and try again later. Still nothing. Lather, rinse, repeat for the next 8 weeks.

At some point a few weeks ago, I started to get a sinking feeling that maybe something had changed, and whatever connection we had is gone. It's not a thought that pleases me, because I'm not really ready or willing to give this up yet. Usually I'd just ask her, but obviously that's out of the question for this instance. My other methods of divination and answer-seeking have come up with absolutely nothing. I'm really, truly stumped, not to mention a little concerned and confused.

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions? I'd love to hear anything that comes to mind.

Thanks in advance!
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« Reply #1: July 31, 2010, 09:37:33 am »

The short question: Has anyone ever lost contact with their god/goddess for an extended period of time? What happened? Did you ever get that connection back?

What comes to mind to me, reading this, is that you need to do some kind of atonement.  Like when you haven't seen a friend in a long time - you can't just pop by and expect them to drop everything for you.  It's up to you right now to PROVE that the relationship matters to you.

Also, what I'm seeing is that you have gone from *child* to *adult*.  You're not in classes anymore, you're now having a job and other adult responsibilities.  Perhaps this change of status has changed the relationship, and you need to approach as *an adult* - something more formal, something more showing your respect and appreciation.
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« Reply #2: July 31, 2010, 11:01:55 am »

The short question: Has anyone ever lost contact with their god/goddess for an extended period of time? What happened? Did you ever get that connection back?


The background, for my specific case: I was first drawn to my goddess about 3.5 years ago. We've had what I can only describe as an incredibly close relationship this whole time. She's always been fantastic about communicating with me, several times a week on average. There are times when we can't talk because she's busy, and it's never really bothered me, since she's really good about following up with me, usually speaking with me a few days after a missed connection. Prior to this year, we've never been incommunicado for more than a month at a time, and we've usually picked up right where we left off.   

Things changed this year, though.  I was really sick for a while. I wrote my senior thesis. I searched for a job. I struggled through classes. I graduated. I moved. I got my life in order. Through it all, I would send the occasional mental note (tinged with guilt and regret), "Sorry, I've been busy, I haven't forgotten you, and I miss communicating with you. Just give me a little more time." I never seemed to have energy or time for any more than that, and I just hoped she'd bear with me.   

Finally, a couple of months ago, I finally was back in a stable place in my life, so I wanted to get back in regular contact with her. So I sit down, reach out, and get nothing. Complete radio silence. I figure she's busy. So, I wait and try again later. Still nothing. Lather, rinse, repeat for the next 8 weeks.

At some point a few weeks ago, I started to get a sinking feeling that maybe something had changed, and whatever connection we had is gone. It's not a thought that pleases me, because I'm not really ready or willing to give this up yet. Usually I'd just ask her, but obviously that's out of the question for this instance. My other methods of divination and answer-seeking have come up with absolutely nothing. I'm really, truly stumped, not to mention a little concerned and confused.

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions? I'd love to hear anything that comes to mind.

Thanks in advance!

When people talk about their relationship(s) with a Deity or Deities, I don't necessarily take everything they say at face value.  I look to see what I can ascertain of the authenticity or sincerity or depth of that relationship, and if the person talks about a relationship with a Deity in the same way that one would speak about gossiping with an acquaintance at work "Oh, we chatted for a few minutes, and she snickered when I said such and so, and then she got busy and had to answer the phone..." , then I may end up with some skepticism and a suspicion that the relationship is facile or self-deceptive.  In what I read you saying, I don't get a sense of much depth, which isn't to say it isn't or wasn't actually there in you and in your relationship, but I don't feel it from what you write.  In my experience, deities are never "busy" or "out to lunch" or too involved at working at their computers to reply to us. 

My experience is that a relationship with a Deity is as profound and deep or facile and trivial a thing as the practitioner makes it.   If you would have a significant relationship with a Deity, make yourself a person worthy or needy of that.  In my experience, nothing opens up the doorways and cuts through obstacles to relationship with a Deity, as does need and longing, ardent and sincere desire. 

In my view, anyone on a spiritual path of any type, needs to know themselves, and their own psyche, needs to know their own inner and outer obstacles to the Divine.  When we experience a disconnect in our relationship with the Divine, or a Deity, that is an excellent oppportunity in my view for us to start exploring what obstacles we have put up in that relationship, or perhaps, what growth needs to occur in our ability to relate to the Divine.  Perhaps we need a different way of knowing the Goddess, which may mean in some cases understanding her as a different Goddess.  All answers to these questions can be found by looking within. 

I have had times when I felt out of touch with the Divine, with my Deity, but I knew why that was.  I know myself well enough to know that I struggle with inner barriers and psychological obstacles, and I continue to work on those.  I see the Goddess behind those, smiling, loving, patiently waiting for me. 
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« Reply #3: July 31, 2010, 11:24:37 am »

In my experience, deities are never "busy" or "out to lunch" or too involved at working at their computers to reply to us. 

Going to disagree with you here.  There is a certain time of the year that my patron rarely communicates, when he does he's just plain grumpy.  Say what you want, but I've heard this from several others, so I know I'm not 'imagining' this.  Deities are like people, in the sense they have moods and yes, they can/are busy and can't always come running when we want them too.   IME

I agree with HS, sounds like the OP needs to reconnect with their Goddess.  Here's another possibility.  Could this Goddess have been there for you just during that period in your life?  I have heard people talk about working with certain deities, then as their life changed or they've started going in a different direction their connection with certain deities fade or are not the center anymore and others step into their place.  Maybe that is what is happening with you?  Just a thought.


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« Reply #4: July 31, 2010, 11:58:53 am »

The short question: Has anyone ever lost contact with their god/goddess for an extended period of time? What happened? Did you ever get that connection back?

I had this very problem in recent months. I had always had a very close relationship with Sekhmet. She was always very understanding about why I couldn't strip down to my skivvies and run around skyclad for her in various rituals. She always understood that we would have time together later. Later never really showed up until recent months and when I *finally* realized what the heck she was after, she was pissed beyond all measure at me. I had been putting off the transformation from Kemetic-leaning pagan to Kemetic Reconstructionist for far too long and she was not happy with me. So, as it was suggested here, I did some atonement.

I threw myself in my studies of everything recon. I have been blogging for my spiritual life. I started a Deep Thoughts Journal, so that I can write to *her* as well as work out my inner problems. I have been making very tiny steps in the direction that she always wanted me to go. It's taken NINE YEARS (yes, nine) to get here, but I am finally here. And all I know is her happiness and contentment for me, with me, and with the way things are finally going.
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« Reply #5: July 31, 2010, 12:01:56 pm »

Going to disagree with you here.  There is a certain time of the year that my patron rarely communicates, when he does he's just plain grumpy.  Say what you want, but I've heard this from several others, so I know I'm not 'imagining' this.  Deities are like people, in the sense they have moods and yes, they can/are busy and can't always come running when we want them too.   IME

I'm going to have to agree with this here.

I agree with HS, sounds like the OP needs to reconnect with their Goddess.  Here's another possibility.  Could this Goddess have been there for you just during that period in your life?  I have heard people talk about working with certain deities, then as their life changed or they've started going in a different direction their connection with certain deities fade or are not the center anymore and others step into their place.  Maybe that is what is happening with you?  Just a thought.

This was actually going to be right on par with whatvI was going to say. It's possible even that perhaps she is telling it is time for you to move on. While it is doybtful that she will just leave completely, it may be that she knows it will be better for you if she moves a little bit back and allows another deity whose influence you may nee more to step forward. Just a thought.


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« Reply #6: July 31, 2010, 08:18:21 pm »

Here's another possibility.  Could this Goddess have been there for you just during that period in your life?  I have heard people talk about working with certain deities, then as their life changed or they've started going in a different direction their connection with certain deities fade or are not the center anymore and others step into their place.  Maybe that is what is happening with you?  Just a thought.

This was going to be my answer as well. Sometimes deities are there to help us when something specific to their area arises and gone once their need has passed.

This happened when I was trying to sort out my college plans. Athena made herself known as a resource and I began talking with her quite a lot about the various pros and cons of each path I could take. In the end her advice ultimately led to the decision I ended up making. I thought she may stick around, but she didn't stay interested once I had committed to the university and program I had. Which is fine, I expected it and I'm sure if I ever had any problems regarding my education again that she would lend an ear.

I think this happens with different stages of life too. Sometimes you need a tough love, no nonsense deity and sometimes you need that loving, motherly type. Deities know what you need and I've never had someone show up that didn't teach me something I needed to learn. To OP: It's possible that your goddess was there when you needed her and now you need something different. You could still honor her (which may be a great way to say thanks for what she did) but she may not be as responsive as before.
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« Reply #7: July 31, 2010, 08:38:42 pm »

When people talk about their relationship(s) with a Deity or Deities, I don't necessarily take everything they say at face value.  I look to see what I can ascertain of the authenticity or sincerity or depth of that relationship, and if the person talks about a relationship with a Deity in the same way that one would speak about gossiping with an acquaintance at work "Oh, we chatted for a few minutes, and she snickered when I said such and so, and then she got busy and had to answer the phone..." , then I may end up with some skepticism and a suspicion that the relationship is facile or self-deceptive.  In what I read you saying, I don't get a sense of much depth, which isn't to say it isn't or wasn't actually there in you and in your relationship, but I don't feel it from what you write.  In my experience, deities are never "busy" or "out to lunch" or too involved at working at their computers to reply to us. 

My experience is that a relationship with a Deity is as profound and deep or facile and trivial a thing as the practitioner makes it. 
I understand where you're coming from, but I'd like to respond to some of the criticisms you cited.

I apologize if I came across as overly glib. It was not my intention. It's a defense mechanism, I suspect. I'm a solitary practitioner, with very few faith friends in my life. I rarely talk about this side of my life with anyone, and I find it sometimes difficult to gather up my courage and speak about such things. What's more, this is a very stressful and emotional time for me. It was very hard for me to write this post, asking for help, because I find it both extremely personal and somewhat painful to talk about it. I apparently overcompensated while writing it up, as I was trying to not express how deeply has affected me, because who wants to listen to a forum novice whine about going through hard times? I could go into detail about the feelings of loss and hurt I've been staving off, but I rather assumed it would be superfluous detail. I figured others might feel the same, if they were in my shoes.

The frequency of our communication has had a lot to do with me trying to determine my own path in life, trying to figure out my personal and spiritual directions in life. I've been undergoing a lot of change lately, and I find it helps to put things in perspective. It's not something that I would consider trivial or superficial. You might disagree, that's your right.

Also, your deity may very well always be there for you. All I can state is my own experience, which is different from yours.

If I offended you by appearing superficial or stupid, I apologize, as it wasn't my intention. 
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« Reply #8: August 01, 2010, 12:23:49 am »


Just popping in to say you didn't sound glib or ignorant to me. My gods aren't there all the time, either - the same way my human friends aren't with me 24/7. Then again, my gods aren't omnipotent and have plenty of things to do besides be at my beck and call. I would suggest being honest, and open, but also respecting boundaries. Once you've made the effort to get back in touch, the ball's not in your court anymore. If your deity wants to get back in touch, they will. If not, well... cherish the time that you had together, and realize that friendships take time to renew, sometimes.
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« Reply #9: August 01, 2010, 12:45:49 am »

The short question: Has anyone ever lost contact with their god/goddess for an extended period of time? What happened? Did you ever get that connection back?


The background, for my specific case: I was first drawn to my goddess about 3.5 years ago. We've had what I can only describe as an incredibly close relationship this whole time. She's always been fantastic about communicating with me, several times a week on average. There are times when we can't talk because she's busy, and it's never really bothered me, since she's really good about following up with me, usually speaking with me a few days after a missed connection. Prior to this year, we've never been incommunicado for more than a month at a time, and we've usually picked up right where we left off.   

Things changed this year, though.  I was really sick for a while. I wrote my senior thesis. I searched for a job. I struggled through classes. I graduated. I moved. I got my life in order. Through it all, I would send the occasional mental note (tinged with guilt and regret), "Sorry, I've been busy, I haven't forgotten you, and I miss communicating with you. Just give me a little more time." I never seemed to have energy or time for any more than that, and I just hoped she'd bear with me.   

Finally, a couple of months ago, I finally was back in a stable place in my life, so I wanted to get back in regular contact with her. So I sit down, reach out, and get nothing. Complete radio silence. I figure she's busy. So, I wait and try again later. Still nothing. Lather, rinse, repeat for the next 8 weeks.

At some point a few weeks ago, I started to get a sinking feeling that maybe something had changed, and whatever connection we had is gone. It's not a thought that pleases me, because I'm not really ready or willing to give this up yet. Usually I'd just ask her, but obviously that's out of the question for this instance. My other methods of divination and answer-seeking have come up with absolutely nothing. I'm really, truly stumped, not to mention a little concerned and confused.

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions? I'd love to hear anything that comes to mind.

Thanks in advance!

In addition to what the others have said, it is worth noting that people and their needs change.  She may be trying to tell you that it is time for another deity to take her place.  But I do suggest doing an atonement ritual too, since with how you described it, she may very well be offended.  Do you mind my asking which goddess you are trying to contact?  We may be able to offer suggestions for an atonement and such.
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« Reply #10: August 02, 2010, 01:53:54 am »

I understand where you're coming from, but I'd like to respond to some of the criticisms you cited.

I apologize if I came across as overly glib. It was not my intention. It's a defense mechanism, I suspect. I'm a solitary practitioner, with very few faith friends in my life. I rarely talk about this side of my life with anyone, and I find it sometimes difficult to gather up my courage and speak about such things. What's more, this is a very stressful and emotional time for me. It was very hard for me to write this post, asking for help, because I find it both extremely personal and somewhat painful to talk about it. I apparently overcompensated while writing it up, as I was trying to not express how deeply has affected me, because who wants to listen to a forum novice whine about going through hard times? I could go into detail about the feelings of loss and hurt I've been staving off, but I rather assumed it would be superfluous detail. I figured others might feel the same, if they were in my shoes.

The frequency of our communication has had a lot to do with me trying to determine my own path in life, trying to figure out my personal and spiritual directions in life. I've been undergoing a lot of change lately, and I find it helps to put things in perspective. It's not something that I would consider trivial or superficial. You might disagree, that's your right.

Also, your deity may very well always be there for you. All I can state is my own experience, which is different from yours.

If I offended you by appearing superficial or stupid, I apologize, as it wasn't my intention. 

Thanks for the clarification.  YOur original post was hard to fathom because, in you having as you say this defense mechanism in the way you wrote your question (and we all have varieties of that, you're certainly not alone) I couldn't sense much of the "why" or the meaning or point of your relationship. My sense is that if you feel pain about the loss, and sense the issue as extremely personal, then there is clearly depth and substance in the relationship.  I would suggest trying to work with the pain you feel, see if that opens up a way to approach the Goddess through that.  That is what I do when I experience pain, in terms of attempting to get back in communication with the Goddess.  I look to see where in the pain is the doorway back to relationship. 
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« Reply #11: August 02, 2010, 08:28:47 am »

The short question: Has anyone ever lost contact with their god/goddess for an extended period of time? What happened? Did you ever get that connection back?

Other people have given some pretty good suggestions, and I'd just like to throw in a big "yup, that sounds good" for most of them.  Smiley

But also, on a personal note:  I've gone through periods where Apollo seems really distant.  It's possible that my life's gotten in the way, it's possible that he's busy elsewhere, there are lots of possibilities.  The point is, it does happen.  He's thwapped me, but that doesn't mean that we're necessarily all close and cozy all the time.  The important thing is that, one way or another, the relationship always strengthens again eventually.

I don't want that to sound like  "awww, she's just gone for a little, she'll be back".  As others have pointed out, it's possible that it could just be time to move on.  All I'm saying is that just because things are a bit distant now doesn't necessarily mean that you should despair.  It's possible it's over; it's also possible that this is just a sort of a low-tide point, if that analogy makes sense.
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« Reply #12: August 02, 2010, 12:06:01 pm »

Things changed this year, though.  I was really sick for a while. I wrote my senior thesis. I searched for a job. I struggled through classes. I graduated. I moved. I got my life in order. Through it all, I would send the occasional mental note (tinged with guilt and regret), "Sorry, I've been busy, I haven't forgotten you, and I miss communicating with you. Just give me a little more time." I never seemed to have energy or time for any more than that, and I just hoped she'd bear with me.   

Sickness? What kind of sickness? Sickness is a genious way to know what is wrong with us. I thing change is what's happening to you. We are in a very similar state, although I have a different way of looking at gods than yours, Its is very real that our life has changed. I have also finished my career and started working, and this year has been a tornado for my spiritual life. Neither I can't connect, but I know the problem is in me, not in the deity, I have been so confused about what to believe and what not to that I lost track at some point I don't even remember. I feel lost, alone and wandering, i'm loosing faith not in deity, but in myself.... sound familiar? It really depends on how you see deity, I too believe they're like water, or air, some times we get so used to them we forget we live from them and if we don't feel them it's just because WE are not doing so, they're always here, we are the ones "out of reach". analyse what is wrong with you, and start talking to yourself like talking to your goddess, that lives in yourself... you'll see she's always been there. Priorize, take your time to work, to have fun, to learn, to go out, and to be with deity, then it will be as normal being with deity as breathing, she never parts from you.     
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« Reply #13: August 02, 2010, 07:20:51 pm »

The short question: Has anyone ever lost contact with their god/goddess for an extended period of time? What happened? Did you ever get that connection back?

Dionysos is a God Who Comes and a God Who Goes. Sometimes He is here, there, and everywhere (inside and out).. and then sometimes He's just gone. It's in His nature and it's just what He Does. I suspect that this may be why in His more earlier cultus that He had the epithet of Trieterikos, because His cycle had two stages (I'm aware tri- is three, but it works. Trust me ^^; ), a year where He was subterranean, and His images were masked. The other stage He was 'awakened', and thus awakened His followers, and once again became a part of Life, as well as the Hunt (thus leading Him back to the first stage, because eventually He Himself is killed by His followers). Eventually His festival cycle became integrated with the Attic one, and thus it wasn't a two/three year cycle, just a one year cycle, and the meaning of some things were lost.

Thus, there are times when He is "dead" to me, and sometimes He is "alive" to me, that doesn't always correspond to the cycles. And it's hard to accept that, but I am at least trying to do so. He showed me that I had to give up everything, including Him, to become the person I am meant to me, and He helped me in that process. I'd like to believe that right now He's just gone for the interim, and not forever. But right now I can't focus on that, I need to focus on myself. Ultimately I found myself back at Feri's door, and it's the best home I've found so far that focuses on fixing the inside parts, as well as honouring the Gods Outside.

I'm hoping to get that connection back with Dionysos, I really do. But I have to be prepared for the fact that I may never have it again, and that needs to be okay. Not everyone we meet will remain in our lives forever.
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“God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain,
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Arienwen
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« Reply #14: August 07, 2010, 06:24:09 pm »


could this Goddess have been there for you just during that period in your life?  I have heard people talk about working with certain deities, then as their life changed or they've started going in a different direction their connection with certain deities fade or are not the center anymore and others step into their place.  Maybe that is what is happening with you?  Just a thought.

This happened to me recently.  My Patron Goddess was always Demeter.  She was there as a mother figure to me when my own mother was not.  I could always go to her and she would comfort and guide me gently.  Once I was able to care for myself and my emotional needs more she slowly faded into the background, not missing mind, but there when I needed her.  One day I started feeling another presence in my mind, making more and more noise as time went on.  One day I could no longer ignore it so I opened my heart and mind and found out that Aphrodite was calling to me!  I know now that Demeter was slowly backing away so that I could accept a new Patron in my life.  And while I know that if I truly needed her Demeter would be there, Aphrodite is now my new Patron. 

I think that atonement is a good idea, at least as a way of apologizing for being away for so long.  But see if you are being pulled into a new direction.   
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