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Author Topic: I think a God(dess) is Playing With Me...  (Read 8059 times)
Caridwens Grace
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« Topic Start: August 23, 2010, 06:20:28 am »

I have been meditating and questing each night before bed, asking for 'Truth', for a deity or deities to reveal its/themselves to me so I know where to proceed. On the advice of a Cauldron member to another seeker, I started reaching out to more specific figures - so, two nights ago, I asked "Goddess" if She would tell me who she is.

Something laughed at me and said "Not yet." The laugh was not a malicious one, it was soft, melodious and playful; almost indulgent. Like a mother or older sister sharing a privately mocking moment with a daughter or younger sister. It left me feeling hopeful, but also a bit discouraged and annoyed. I know that's my very (all-too) human response to being told I'm not ready yet - but what do I do now? S/he/they didn't give any further instructions, directions, or say anything else. I was raised in a Protestant household, converted to Catholicism, have been sort of, kind of Episcopalian for a few years and mainly have been arreligious - the only deity I've ever "known" is the Christian God, and no matter what I tried, He never worked with me, or at least not that I saw. I certainly never heard Him speak to me. I have so much faith, but...in what? I don't know. I feel like this deity is playing with me, even though She didn't come across as being deliberately malicious - but Id like to hear that voice again.

What do I do? Has anyone else had this experience? Would you share your narrative with me?
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« Reply #1: August 23, 2010, 10:19:39 am »

I don't think She's playing with you. Our spiritual guides usually have a larger perspective than ours on our life and the whole scheme of things, so maybe it IS funny, maybe in some years you will laugh too, not at you but at the ¿odd? event. Now, for what I can tell you is that they allways listen, but they choose not to speak, but if they did speak to you is because they wanted to let you know something, that, in first instance, is a message. Now, the fact that they told you that you're nos ready yet doesn't mean you have to stand-by, au contraire, you must go in the direction that your heart dictates, follow your intuition, that's the way to be ready, I feel.

Be happy.   
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« Reply #2: August 23, 2010, 11:42:29 am »

What do I do? Has anyone else had this experience? Would you share your narrative with me?

Playing with you is probably not the right phrase. I've had experiences with spirits and deities that withhold their name for very good reason. A name can get in the way of getting to know a deity/spirit. It can color your view of them and scare you out of a relationship with them.

There's no reason you can't get to know her. You could ask her what she would like of you, how she would like to be honored in your daily life, what her purpose in your life is, etc. Sometimes the lack of a name is actually a benefit to you. You don't worry about the fact that some of your experiences don't match up with others. You don't fret over the "right" way to perform a ritual for her. It's freeing in many ways and I would suggest you take advantage of it.
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« Reply #3: August 23, 2010, 11:52:32 am »

Playing with you is probably not the right phrase. I've had experiences with spirits and deities that withhold their name for very good reason. A name can get in the way of getting to know a deity/spirit. It can color your view of them and scare you out of a relationship with them.

There's no reason you can't get to know her. You could ask her what she would like of you, how she would like to be honored in your daily life, what her purpose in your life is, etc. Sometimes the lack of a name is actually a benefit to you. You don't worry about the fact that some of your experiences don't match up with others. You don't fret over the "right" way to perform a ritual for her. It's freeing in many ways and I would suggest you take advantage of it.

This is really good advice. I tend to be bookish, and would certainly go running off to research everything I could about him/her/them once I knew an identity...maybe the point is to just relate, with no preconceived notions as to who or what s/he/them is or how to relate specifically...I'm to feel first, think after?
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« Reply #4: August 23, 2010, 12:26:44 pm »

This is really good advice. I tend to be bookish, and would certainly go running off to research everything I could about him/her/them once I knew an identity...maybe the point is to just relate, with no preconceived notions as to who or what s/he/them is or how to relate specifically...I'm to feel first, think after?

I would say that's a definite likelihood. Knowing of a deity is not even half of a relationship with them. It's the living, the honoring, the sharing of life with them. It's asking their advice and remembering to keep/celebrate their holy days/holidays.  It's remembering to thank them when they provide and requesting guidance when they don't. To me at least, the academic knowledge of them isn't even most of them. Yes it can help to know what their areas of influence are and what they were offered, but they often step outside those area and request new things the ancients didn't have.

So short answer, yes. Get to know her. She knows best when to tell you her name.
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« Reply #5: August 23, 2010, 03:48:02 pm »

I have been meditating and questing each night before bed, asking for 'Truth', for a deity or deities to reveal its/themselves to me so I know where to proceed. On the advice of a Cauldron member to another seeker, I started reaching out to more specific figures - so, two nights ago, I asked "Goddess" if She would tell me who she is.

Something laughed at me and said "Not yet." The laugh was not a malicious one, it was soft, melodious and playful; almost indulgent. Like a mother or older sister sharing a privately mocking moment with a daughter or younger sister. It left me feeling hopeful, but also a bit discouraged and annoyed. I know that's my very (all-too) human response to being told I'm not ready yet - but what do I do now? S/he/they didn't give any further instructions, directions, or say anything else. I was raised in a Protestant household, converted to Catholicism, have been sort of, kind of Episcopalian for a few years and mainly have been arreligious - the only deity I've ever "known" is the Christian God, and no matter what I tried, He never worked with me, or at least not that I saw. I certainly never heard Him speak to me. I have so much faith, but...in what? I don't know. I feel like this deity is playing with me, even though She didn't come across as being deliberately malicious - but Id like to hear that voice again.

What do I do? Has anyone else had this experience? Would you share your narrative with me?

Well, I have a thought...

Do you think that maybe it wasn't a "mocking" manner (or perhaps teasing might be a gentler way of putting it... but that perhaps you misinterpreted the emotion/intent/meaning/feel (how to put it?) behind the laughter?  I know sometimes I can be -uber- sensitive and take something the wrong way when it's intended in another.  So maybe your goddess isn't being even half as teasing as you think when it comes to her laughter-- maybe it's just joy that you've finally heard her, or something similar?  I would try to look at it in a different light and not be so annoyed. She's asking you to be patient... so maybe she also has to be patient, as well until you're ready for her as much as she is for you, but that doesn't stop her from being happy that you heard her (finally?).
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« Reply #6: August 23, 2010, 06:18:56 pm »

Well, I have a thought...

Do you think that maybe it wasn't a "mocking" manner (or perhaps teasing might be a gentler way of putting it... but that perhaps you misinterpreted the emotion/intent/meaning/feel (how to put it?) behind the laughter?  I know sometimes I can be -uber- sensitive and take something the wrong way when it's intended in another.  So maybe your goddess isn't being even half as teasing as you think when it comes to her laughter-- maybe it's just joy that you've finally heard her, or something similar?  I would try to look at it in a different light and not be so annoyed. She's asking you to be patient... so maybe she also has to be patient, as well until you're ready for her as much as she is for you, but that doesn't stop her from being happy that you heard her (finally?).

It's very possible, especially when I have been so anxious about all of this anyway. As I said, I didn't get the feeling she was being ugly, it was more a gentle indulgent tone, like a mother with her daughter.

I'm going to try just honoring the Feminine, and see if that opens things up a bit in terms of a relationship. I am - something. It's like hope, but that's not exactly it,or really even the feeling at all. I don't know a word for what I'm feeling. A deep, quietly passionate sort of 'whooshing' feeling, but not a dramatic physical whoosh. Like - I don't know. Like energy, but not really energy. I honestly don't know what it feels like, it feels like everything and nothing I've ever known. It's like glowing embers, maybe, but not hot and fiery. I don't know, there's no word for this feeling in English...? Huh Undecided
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« Reply #7: August 24, 2010, 03:51:34 am »

It's very possible, especially when I have been so anxious about all of this anyway. As I said, I didn't get the feeling she was being ugly, it was more a gentle indulgent tone, like a mother with her daughter.

I'm going to try just honoring the Feminine, and see if that opens things up a bit in terms of a relationship. I am - something. It's like hope, but that's not exactly it,or really even the feeling at all. I don't know a word for what I'm feeling. A deep, quietly passionate sort of 'whooshing' feeling, but not a dramatic physical whoosh. Like - I don't know. Like energy, but not really energy. I honestly don't know what it feels like, it feels like everything and nothing I've ever known. It's like glowing embers, maybe, but not hot and fiery. I don't know, there's no word for this feeling in English...? Huh Undecided

... I really know how you're feeling right now, or at least the way you described it. Almost to a tee! But you're right, there is no accurate word I think for it in the English language. Although as far as I know, I do know Her actual name (the Goddess I'm going to be working with, I mean).  Cheesy

Keep doing with what you're doing, and take the advice of others in this thread. Don't be discouraged, but maybe you're just not being told because it would distract you. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't know names, because I wouldn't have to get caught up on everyone elses' thoughts and ideas on how I should worship Them, and just focus on Them and Their relationship with ME.
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« Reply #8: August 24, 2010, 11:51:40 am »

A deep, quietly passionate sort of 'whooshing' feeling, but not a dramatic physical whoosh. Like - I don't know. Like energy, but not really energy. I honestly don't know what it feels like, it feels like everything and nothing I've ever known. It's like glowing embers, maybe, but not hot and fiery. I don't know, there's no word for this feeling in English...? Huh Undecided

Sounds a -bit- like love to me. Smiley Being loved.  Adored. Something.
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« Reply #9: August 24, 2010, 12:20:22 pm »

Sounds a -bit- like love to me. Smiley Being loved.  Adored. Something.

I get a very similar (though much more subtle) feeling from Dionysus. Like no matter what I do or how much I neglect our relationship, he's cool with it all, and I can wander back whenever I want. Smiley
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« Reply #10: August 24, 2010, 01:30:36 pm »

I get a very similar (though much more subtle) feeling from Dionysus. Like no matter what I do or how much I neglect our relationship, he's cool with it all, and I can wander back whenever I want. Smiley

It's more of a "powerful" feeling, but not power...not like an unconditional love, but like a "you can change the world", but not saying to change the world, just the feeling I could do that, possibly. It comes and goes in little waves, not a constant feeling. Just a brief, slow rush of "oh, wow" - but a quietly rushing in "oh, wow". It doesn't feel like being in love or being loved, just...being. Like fully being, fully present, in the moment, glowy without being glowy, power without being powerful sort of feeling. It floods in (but a slow flood) and then ebbs away. I don't think I could stand to feel that high all the time, though, so it's good that I don't feel it constantly.

GAH! Suddenly, I hate the English language! lol But it seems as though some of you get what I am trying to say.
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« Reply #11: August 24, 2010, 02:25:06 pm »

It's more of a "powerful" feeling, but not power...not like an unconditional love, but like a "you can change the world", but not saying to change the world, just the feeling I could do that, possibly. It comes and goes in little waves, not a constant feeling. Just a brief, slow rush of "oh, wow" - but a quietly rushing in "oh, wow". It doesn't feel like being in love or being loved, just...being. Like fully being, fully present, in the moment, glowy without being glowy, power without being powerful sort of feeling. It floods in (but a slow flood) and then ebbs away. I don't think I could stand to feel that high all the time, though, so it's good that I don't feel it constantly.

GAH! Suddenly, I hate the English language! lol But it seems as though some of you get what I am trying to say.

SUBLIME! That's the word for it! Sublime:

"Longinus, writing in the classical historical tradition says that the sublime implies that man can, in emotions and in language, transcend the limits of the human condition. Like Plato, Longinus feels that the human was the art or technical aspects, while the sublime was the "soul" or that which eluded our experience of art. In order to understand the sublime, we must have some notion of what exists beyond the human, empirical experience. Longinus explains that this "beyond" is comprehended in terms of metaphor, or in terms of what is absent from the empirical world. Our sense of the sublime is an illusion, the realization that there is something more to human life than the mundane, the ordinary. In fact, the sublime entails a kind of mystery. The sublime is that which defeats every effort of sense and imagination to picture it. It is that whose presence reduces all else to nothingness.

 Hence when we speak of Longinus we think of verbs such as "transport," "transcend," "awe-full," "flight," "amazement," and "astonishment." One particular quotation summarizes this idea: "For, as if instinctively, our soul is uplifted by the true sublime; it takes a proud flight, and is filled with joy and vaunting, as though it had itself produced what it has heard."
 

Wordsworth on the sublime and the Beautiful: in speaking of seeing the mountains of Langdale pike--

            Let me then invite the Reader to turn his eyes with me towards that cluster of Mountains at the Head of Windermere; it is probable that they will settle ere long upon the Pikes of Langdale and the black precipice contiguous to them. If these objects be so distant that, while we look at them, they are only thought of as the crown a comprehensive Landscape; if our minds be not perverted by false theories, unless those mountains be seen under some accidents of nature, we shall receive from them a grand impression, and nothing more. But if they be looked at from a point which has brought us so near that the mountain is almost the sole object before our eyes, yet not so near but that the whole of it is visible, we shall be impressed with a sensation of sublimity.--And if this analyzed, the body of this sensation would be found to resolve itself into three component parts: a sense of individual form or forms; a sense of duration; and a sense of power. . . . A mountain being a stationary object is enabled to effect this in connection with duration and individual form, by the sense of motion which in the midst accompanies the lines by which the Mountain itself is shaped out" (351-2). . . .Individuality of form is the primary requisite; and the form must be of that character that deeply impresses the sense of power. And power produces the sublime whether as it is thought of as a thing to be feared, to be resisted, or that can be participated. To what degree consistent with sublimity power may be dreaded has been ascertained; but as power, contemplated as something to be opposed or resisted, implies a twofold agency of which the mind is conscious, this state seems to be irreconcilable to what has been determined, exists in the extinction of the comparing power of the mind, & in intense unity.(356).

"Imagination . . . so called / Through sad incompetence of human speech" (Prelude 6.592-93). Human sight rises in intensity from memory through salience tot he occlusion of the visible. Imagination also rises "like an unfather'd vapour" to target man's fight to remain autonomous and self-reliant. "

That's the feeling.  Smiley
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« Reply #12: October 08, 2010, 07:03:10 am »

 Might be a demon



I have been meditating and questing each night before bed, asking for 'Truth', for a deity or deities to reveal its/themselves to me so I know where to proceed. On the advice of a Cauldron member to another seeker, I started reaching out to more specific figures - so, two nights ago, I asked "Goddess" if She would tell me who she is.

Something laughed at me and said "Not yet." The laugh was not a malicious one, it was soft, melodious and playful; almost indulgent. Like a mother or older sister sharing a privately mocking moment with a daughter or younger sister. It left me feeling hopeful, but also a bit discouraged and annoyed. I know that's my very (all-too) human response to being told I'm not ready yet - but what do I do now? S/he/they didn't give any further instructions, directions, or say anything else. I was raised in a Protestant household, converted to Catholicism, have been sort of, kind of Episcopalian for a few years and mainly have been arreligious - the only deity I've ever "known" is the Christian God, and no matter what I tried, He never worked with me, or at least not that I saw. I certainly never heard Him speak to me. I have so much faith, but...in what? I don't know. I feel like this deity is playing with me, even though She didn't come across as being deliberately malicious - but Id like to hear that voice again.

What do I do? Has anyone else had this experience? Would you share your narrative with me?
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« Reply #13: October 08, 2010, 10:36:51 pm »

I have been meditating and questing each night before bed, asking for 'Truth', for a deity or deities to reveal its/themselves to me so I know where to proceed. On the advice of a Cauldron member to another seeker, I started reaching out to more specific figures - so, two nights ago, I asked "Goddess" if She would tell me who she is.

Something laughed at me and said "Not yet." The laugh was not a malicious one, it was soft, melodious and playful; almost indulgent. Like a mother or older sister sharing a privately mocking moment with a daughter or younger sister. It left me feeling hopeful, but also a bit discouraged and annoyed. I know that's my very (all-too) human response to being told I'm not ready yet - but what do I do now? S/he/they didn't give any further instructions, directions, or say anything else. I was raised in a Protestant household, converted to Catholicism, have been sort of, kind of Episcopalian for a few years and mainly have been arreligious - the only deity I've ever "known" is the Christian God, and no matter what I tried, He never worked with me, or at least not that I saw. I certainly never heard Him speak to me. I have so much faith, but...in what? I don't know. I feel like this deity is playing with me, even though She didn't come across as being deliberately malicious - but Id like to hear that voice again.

What do I do? Has anyone else had this experience? Would you share your narrative with me?

My experience is that Deity really like to laugh at/with you a lot. I think its cause they have a sense of humour honestly. Often I find the answer to whatever I was asking is usually forthcoming in some bizarre way after they have a giggle.
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« Reply #14: October 30, 2010, 10:31:47 am »

I have been meditating and questing each night before bed, asking for 'Truth', for a deity or deities to reveal its/themselves to me so I know where to proceed. On the advice of a Cauldron member to another seeker, I started reaching out to more specific figures - so, two nights ago, I asked "Goddess" if She would tell me who she is.

Something laughed at me and said "Not yet." The laugh was not a malicious one, it was soft, melodious and playful; almost indulgent. Like a mother or older sister sharing a privately mocking moment with a daughter or younger sister. It left me feeling hopeful, but also a bit discouraged and annoyed. I know that's my very (all-too) human response to being told I'm not ready yet - but what do I do now? S/he/they didn't give any further instructions, directions, or say anything else. I was raised in a Protestant household, converted to Catholicism, have been sort of, kind of Episcopalian for a few years and mainly have been arreligious - the only deity I've ever "known" is the Christian God, and no matter what I tried, He never worked with me, or at least not that I saw. I certainly never heard Him speak to me. I have so much faith, but...in what? I don't know. I feel like this deity is playing with me, even though She didn't come across as being deliberately malicious - but Id like to hear that voice again.

What do I do? Has anyone else had this experience? Would you share your narrative with me?

I agree with what others have said on here. An intresting thing to do would be to continue in your quest to find out more about this Deity. If she isnt letting you know who or what she is yet, its for a big reason and an important one.

My advice is to keep patient, because with patience comes great rewards.
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