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Author Topic: Finding time...  (Read 9442 times)
Serenah
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« Topic Start: June 03, 2007, 11:39:59 am »

I'm sure it's been posted before, but this is my need. How do you find the time, and energy, to practice your beliefs?

I am a married mother of three(4 if you count hubby Wink, work 25-30 hours a week as a teacher, watch 2 other children after work/school...

Anyways, I know we're all busy. But it seems like the only time I have to keep up with what I should be doing for myself and "others" is during the summer when I have off. Even then, I feel like I've been neglecting my practice and deities. That just adds to the to-do-list-that-never-gets-done, and I hate feeling that way about my spirituality, goddesses/gods and environment. AAAGH Huh

So, does anyone have any little time tricks that help them? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Blessed Be...Serenah
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« Reply #1: June 03, 2007, 11:53:41 am »

I'm sure it's been posted before, but this is my need. How do you find the time, and energy, to practice your beliefs?

Well, the most important thing to do is actually SCHEDULE time for yourself and your deities.  I know it sounds trite, but you have to make yourself a priority.

I know very well how much time kids can take .. I have a toddler that eats my time in huge gulps.

Prioritize.  Figure out what matters and what doesn't.  (make your husband do his share of the housework if he doesn't already, and give the kids chores!).  Carve out time for yourself and STICK TO IT.  (barring emergencies, of course).

Basically, don't be Supermom.  Give yourself time and care.  And if that means praying in the shower .. well, that works too. Smiley
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« Reply #2: June 03, 2007, 01:11:29 pm »

Well, the most important thing to do is actually SCHEDULE time for yourself and your deities.  I know it sounds trite, but you have to make yourself a priority.

Easier said than done, and being a Mom, you know what I mean Wink

I know that's what I need to do. Actually, a couple of weeks ago, I started chore charts for the kids, but I kind of got off track. I think I'll reimplement them this week.

I will do this: take this next week to find a good time everyday that I can dedicate to myself and my practice. And then START FOLOWING IT!!!

Thanks for the suggestion. Even though it's obvious, sometimes it takes hearing it from someone else to give it that kick.

Blessed Be...Serenah
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« Reply #3: June 03, 2007, 02:47:08 pm »

Easier said than done, and being a Mom, you know what I mean Wink

I know that's what I need to do. Actually, a couple of weeks ago, I started chore charts for the kids, but I kind of got off track. I think I'll reimplement them this week.

I will do this: take this next week to find a good time everyday that I can dedicate to myself and my practice. And then START FOLOWING IT!!!

Thanks for the suggestion. Even though it's obvious, sometimes it takes hearing it from someone else to give it that kick.

Blessed Be...Serenah
“It’s better to be hated for who you are than be loved for who you’re not…”


Simplify simplify simplify!  As much as you can.  Another mom here, two boys (soon to be 5yo and 6yo)  If it isn't necessary it doesn't make the schedule.  If it isn't necessary it doesn't go in the car, leave it home.

Draw a line.  I plan on doing this, this and this today.  If it wasn't on the list, it's going to have to wait until tomorrow.  EVEN IF I HAVE FREE TIME.  The reason behind this being, is that if you let circumstances keep tacking things onto your list, in hopes of having a free moment of time down the road because you'll have "gotten ahead" you will be putting off having free time indefinitely.  You're a mom.  There is no getting ahead.  For every need you fill, there will be another request.  The faster you fill them the faster they come up with something else they "need"

Make a point of saying no.  Even when you could have said yes.  No I'm not going to spend my last 2$ that is going to be a coffee for me on a fruit cup for you.  You just had cereal and yogurt.  You do not need anything else.  The answer is no. 

There is sacrificing when it's important, and there is sacrificing just for the sake of sacrifice.  I am not a martyr.  Going without just to continue to be able to say you're going with out is needlessly punishing yourself.  There is no one waiting with a stick to beat you for using resources to maintain yourself on occasion. Other than yourself.   Wink


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I'm gonna tell my son to join a circus so that death is cheap
And games are just another way of life
And I'm gonna tell my son to be a prophet of mistakes
Because for every truth there are half a million lies
And I'm gonna lock my son up in a tower
Till he learns to let his hair down far enough to climb outside.
-LIz Pahir
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« Reply #4: June 03, 2007, 08:21:52 pm »

Simplify simplify simplify!  As much as you can.  Another mom here, two boys (soon to be 5yo and 6yo)  If it isn't necessary it doesn't make the schedule.  If it isn't necessary it doesn't go in the car, leave it home.

Draw a line.  I plan on doing this, this and this today.  If it wasn't on the list, it's going to have to wait until tomorrow.  EVEN IF I HAVE FREE TIME.  The reason behind this being, is that if you let circumstances keep tacking things onto your list, in hopes of having a free moment of time down the road because you'll have "gotten ahead" you will be putting off having free time indefinitely.  You're a mom.  There is no getting ahead.  For every need you fill, there will be another request.  The faster you fill them the faster they come up with something else they "need"

Make a point of saying no.  Even when you could have said yes.  No I'm not going to spend my last 2$ that is going to be a coffee for me on a fruit cup for you.  You just had cereal and yogurt.  You do not need anything else.  The answer is no. 

There is sacrificing when it's important, and there is sacrificing just for the sake of sacrifice.  I am not a martyr.  Going without just to continue to be able to say you're going with out is needlessly punishing yourself.  There is no one waiting with a stick to beat you for using resources to maintain yourself on occasion. Other than yourself.   Wink




I've actually started doing that, in baby steps. I use to be a "yes" person always, to the point where I'd say yes and then hate myself while I was doing it. I've gotten better, realizing that I can't be a good person to all unless I take care of myself, too. I have to constantly remind myself of this, though. "Do they really need this?" "Will it hurt them if I don't...?"

You're totally right, and thanks for the reminder. I think I'll stick a post-it to my head saying,"Don't even bother asking!"...probably wouldn't work, though Roll Eyes

Blessed Be...Serenah
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« Reply #5: June 03, 2007, 10:31:18 pm »

I'm sure it's been posted before, but this is my need. How do you find the time, and energy, to practice your beliefs?

Not sure how well my practices will fit in with your beliefs but thought I'd try anyway.  A large part of my spirituality is recognizing the ongoing connection with that Sacred.  In other words, I try to keep God in mind as much as possible.  Therefore, little "rituals" and practices that I use to connect with the Sacred are the main part of my spirituality.

For me, a shower can be a ritual for purifying myself. When I brush my teeth I think about speaking truly and carefully during the day.  When I go to the washroom I take a minute to breathe and do a quick grounding and centering.  When I go to bed I take a minute to do a devotional.  When I was on the way to work I would spin my chakras and do an energy shield.  On the way home I would purify myself of any negative energies from the day.  For me it's more important to make spirituality happen whenever and wherever possible, even when I'm not planning an elaborate ritual.
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« Reply #6: June 03, 2007, 10:54:40 pm »

Basically, don't be Supermom

This is possibly the most important thing to remember.

I have two biological daughters and one foster daughter (ranging in age from 15 1/2 - 17 1/2), a husband, a menagerie, AND my aging parents live with us.  The only thing that works for me is letting some things go.  F'ex, there are always clean clothes -- but you might have to dig in the basket for them, cuz I didn't get around to putting them away.  Our house is *clean* but far from *tidy*.  And that's OK.  My priorities have always been: kids first, housework last, everything else in between as reasonably do-able.

Also, my kids are extremely independent.  We made a point of teaching our kids to do everything possible for themselves as soon as they could physically and mentally handle it.  They've been doing their own laundry since they were 5 or so.  The washer and dryer just aren't that hard to use, and they learned very easily.  OK, so they needed a step stool to reach the controls, but they did it all themselves.  Same with cooking.  As soon as they were old enough to safely use the stove and/or microwave, we taught them how to cook.  Easy stuff at first, of course.  Now, they actually do way more cooking than I do.

As for when do I fit in time for my spiritual practice:  well, a lot of it actually happens in my head.  I don't do rituals, really.  But I do make a point of burning an oil lamp or some candles for Brighid every night, without fail -- even if it's just for a few minutes.  The hardest part is finding time to do all the research She expects of me.  But I just try to remember that I'm not under a deadline.  Learning is an ongoing process.  Also, the Cauldron Cill (http://www.ecauldron.com/cm-cauldroncill.php) and a couple of other Brighidine Cills that I belong to force me to set aside time specifically for spiritual activities.  It's very helpful to know that there are other people depending on me to maintain the group energy.

Finally, I have to say that a lot of my "practice" is simply honoring Brighid.  That's something that I do (or at least try to) all the time.  From the jewelry I wear (as symbols) to how I treat the people around me -- it's all part and parcel of walking the walk.

Just my 2 cents.

~MI

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« Reply #7: June 04, 2007, 01:44:27 pm »

For me it's more important to make spirituality happen whenever and wherever possible, even when I'm not planning an elaborate ritual.

When I think about it that way, I guess I actually do connect more spiritually than I thought. I ground myself at different times during the day (in the car, while cooking, etc.); light candles almost every night and use almost only the scents linked to certain deities; heck, even the color of clothes I find myself wearing nowadays is attached to Macha, whom seems to be calling me lately.

Thanks. I guess I just need to stop and think more, before robotically going through my day.

Blessed Be...Serenah
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« Reply #8: June 04, 2007, 01:52:58 pm »

This is possibly the most important thing to remember.

I have two biological daughters and one foster daughter (ranging in age from 15 1/2 - 17 1/2), a husband, a menagerie, AND my aging parents live with us.  The only thing that works for me is letting some things go.  F'ex, there are always clean clothes -- but you might have to dig in the basket for them, cuz I didn't get around to putting them away.  Our house is *clean* but far from *tidy*.  And that's OK.  My priorities have always been: kids first, housework last, everything else in between as reasonably do-able.

Also, my kids are extremely independent.

Sounds like me, except the "extremely" part. I did start the chore charts again today (actually at the request of my daughter Shocked) but I guess I still hold on to a little bit of the perfectionist I use to be. It's easier for me to do it, you know, and I know it'll get done the right way. I am improving...I am improving...I am improving Grin.

I do let the little things go most of the time, though. My house is the same way, clean but not necessarily tidy. I do try to organize somewhat, like putting the clothes away and putting certain things in the same places. That just seems to save time and hassle later.

Thanks for the "two cents". I'll think up some more things to add to the chore list!

Blessed Be...Serenah
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« Reply #9: June 05, 2007, 11:25:26 am »


I do let the little things go most of the time, though. My house is the same way, clean but not necessarily tidy. I do try to organize somewhat, like putting the clothes away and putting certain things in the same places. That just seems to save time and hassle later.

Thanks for the "two cents". I'll think up some more things to add to the chore list!




For chore charts, the only way we've been able to stick to them is to cut way back.  There is ONE sticker handed out a day.  I would go insane trying to get through checking off ten tiny little boxes each day.  You either accomplished the days goals, or you didn't.  99.9999% of the time they get everything done, but mostly cause I have nothing better to do than chase them about it.

I call it a behavior chart though, because acting up and giving me headaches is reason to withhold the sticker.

The things I expect my kids to do in a day:

* pick up their toys from around the house
* scrape and put all their dishes in sink after use
* all clothes in the laundry pile, not in the bathroom, or on the bedroom floor
* Get own water.  Juice and milk go with meals and parent provided snacks.  Sometimes if they ask I'll let them use a stool and get themselves snacks, (fruities, granola bars, rice crispy treats - single serving stuff)
* Shoes in the shoe closet.  Not on my living room floor, not hidden where I'll have to hunt for twenty minutes next time we need them.
* All trash in the trash can.  Sometimes this includes a 'bag run' of the house where they will get anything on the floor that could be interpreted as trash.
* miscellaneous small things, any additional stuff I come up with.  (go get me the... put this away for me... put this in the trash for me...) For these I give an extra sticker on occasion.


Things that just go without saying, are the get dressed, brush teeth, play nice stuff.  Other than that we're pretty casual. 

My mom sent me a magnetic chore chart that would have taken more time than it saved.  It was utter micromanagement.  They had a magnet for every second of the day.

We spend some time writing/ journaling each day as well to keep the boys up on their school stuff, so when they go back it wont be such a grind.  I set them up at the table and they're usually good that way for a good hour while I do the kitchen.


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I'm gonna tell my son to join a circus so that death is cheap
And games are just another way of life
And I'm gonna tell my son to be a prophet of mistakes
Because for every truth there are half a million lies
And I'm gonna lock my son up in a tower
Till he learns to let his hair down far enough to climb outside.
-LIz Pahir
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« Reply #10: June 05, 2007, 11:32:47 am »

For chore charts, the only way we've been able to stick to them is to cut way back.  There is ONE sticker handed out a day.  I would go insane trying to get through checking off ten tiny little boxes each day.  You either accomplished the days goals, or you didn't.  99.9999% of the time they get everything done, but mostly cause I have nothing better to do than chase them about it.

I call it a behavior chart though, because acting up and giving me headaches is reason to withhold the sticker.

The things I expect my kids to do in a day:

* pick up their toys from around the house
* scrape and put all their dishes in sink after use
* all clothes in the laundry pile, not in the bathroom, or on the bedroom floor
* Get own water.  Juice and milk go with meals and parent provided snacks.  Sometimes if they ask I'll let them use a stool and get themselves snacks, (fruities, granola bars, rice crispy treats - single serving stuff)
* Shoes in the shoe closet.  Not on my living room floor, not hidden where I'll have to hunt for twenty minutes next time we need them.
* All trash in the trash can.  Sometimes this includes a 'bag run' of the house where they will get anything on the floor that could be interpreted as trash.
* miscellaneous small things, any additional stuff I come up with.  (go get me the... put this away for me... put this in the trash for me...) For these I give an extra sticker on occasion.

Our house goes about the same way.

They have their own things they're suppose to do, according to age/ability level, then there are extras. At the end of the week, if they've accomplished all their own things(including marking off their own boxes Grin), they get a few bucks. If they do extras (dusting, folding/putting away laundry, sweeping and mopping, etc.) then they get a little more. My daughter LOVES the extras!

Blessed Be...Serenah
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« Reply #11: June 05, 2007, 02:31:52 pm »


They have their own things they're suppose to do, according to age/ability level, then there are extras. At the end of the week, if they've accomplished all their own things(including marking off their own boxes Grin), they get a few bucks. If they do extras (dusting, folding/putting away laundry, sweeping and mopping, etc.) then they get a little more. My daughter LOVES the extras!

Blessed Be...Serenah

I'm not looking forward to the day where they start asking for cold hard cash compensation.  We've already had some limited experiences with money that have left my jaw hanging loose in amazement at how transactionary they become - and what little pirates they are at that.  No quarter becomes sacred.  Pocket, counter, couch - they go nuts.

We're still trying to figure out how to deal with the kid who DOESN'T do the extra chore but wants the quarter anyways.  I've figured out that we're supposed to let him feel the pain of not getting the reward for not doing the job, but dernit.  He yells so loud, you want to pay him to be quiet.

I'm probably going to stick with the route of discreetly 'buying the silence' when spending time comes - oh look, two for one special, why don't we spend your quarter on this, and your brother can have one too...

but after my little guy starts kindergarten, we may be introducing the big boy concept of *fair* and receiving according to effort, since he's usually the one getting the exception for being a little younger.
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I'm gonna tell my son to join a circus so that death is cheap
And games are just another way of life
And I'm gonna tell my son to be a prophet of mistakes
Because for every truth there are half a million lies
And I'm gonna lock my son up in a tower
Till he learns to let his hair down far enough to climb outside.
-LIz Pahir
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« Reply #12: June 05, 2007, 02:58:43 pm »

I'm not looking forward to the day where they start asking for cold hard cash compensation.  We've already had some limited experiences with money that have left my jaw hanging loose in amazement at how transactionary they become - and what little pirates they are at that.  No quarter becomes sacred.  Pocket, counter, couch - they go nuts.

We're still trying to figure out how to deal with the kid who DOESN'T do the extra chore but wants the quarter anyways.  I've figured out that we're supposed to let him feel the pain of not getting the reward for not doing the job, but dernit.  He yells so loud, you want to pay him to be quiet.

I'm probably going to stick with the route of discreetly 'buying the silence' when spending time comes - oh look, two for one special, why don't we spend your quarter on this, and your brother can have one too...

but after my little guy starts kindergarten, we may be introducing the big boy concept of *fair* and receiving according to effort, since he's usually the one getting the exception for being a little younger.

Unfortunately, the time to include money has been here for us for awhile Cry...kids are 6, 9 and 14.

However, it does help with the $ in the long run. I've stopped just buying things when we go out. If they want it, they buy it with their money. If they don't have enough, they wait.

As for when they don't do what their suppose to...they don't get the $. Yes, I slip every once in a while, when I don't want to hear the crying (you're not the only one Wink), but I'm pretty consistent, and that's the key. If they know you're not going to give in, they give up, or at least cry about it less and less.

Of course, easier said than done. Parents of the children in my class (4 year olds) are always amazed at how smooth my class seems to run and how calm I seem for having 18 children in the class. My answer is always the same...they're not my kids. My own kids don't listen to me all the time either, but at school, it's easier to be consistent, and with that they learn that,"Hey, I can't push them around like Mom and/or Dad". Home is also their "safe zone": they know they have unconditional love, even if they don't behave the way they should. Everyone needs a place to let the hair down, after all!

Hang in there...it's a bumpy road but, oh, what a great ride Cheesy!!!

Blessed Be...Serenah
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« Reply #13: June 05, 2007, 03:02:26 pm »

So, does anyone have any little time tricks that help them? Any input would be greatly appreciated.
It's better to have a weekly (or even monthly) devotion that you do joyfully, than to have a daily one and have it become a chore.

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« Reply #14: June 05, 2007, 03:34:47 pm »

It's better to have a weekly (or even monthly) devotion that you do joyfully, than to have a daily one and have it become a chore.

Sunflower

Yes, that's exactly what I want to avoid, having it become another thing on the to-do list. I'm starting to think about it more and more, and it seems that taking a moment here and there is working out. I probably will do a more in depth devotional once a month, if not more. I just don't want anyone, physical or spiritual, to feel neglected.

Blessed be...Serenah
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