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Author Topic: Finding time...  (Read 9668 times)
Darkhawk
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« Reply #15: June 05, 2007, 06:13:16 pm »

It's better to have a weekly (or even monthly) devotion that you do joyfully, than to have a daily one and have it become a chore.

Oh yes.

There's a Kemetic ritual that is, if one is orthodox about one's stuff, to be done daily.  I tried it for a while -- I was taking care of my father for a week after some surgery, and I figured I'd do the ritual daily while I was doing so.

I burned out on it; it stopped having effectiveness for me.

At the same time, if I don't do it about every two weeks I wind up depressive.

So I set myself an external calendar, and mark new and full moons, plus whatever additional ritual markings that I need or find appropriate.  The having the external marker for doing things helps a lot in keeping me from losing track of things -- I have a little widget installed on my computer that tracks moonphases, so it's right there for me to see all the time -- and at this point I've done this for long enough that I don't want to break my streak!
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« Reply #16: June 05, 2007, 07:28:18 pm »

Oh yes.

There's a Kemetic ritual that is, if one is orthodox about one's stuff, to be done daily.  I tried it for a while -- I was taking care of my father for a week after some surgery, and I figured I'd do the ritual daily while I was doing so.

I burned out on it; it stopped having effectiveness for me.

At the same time, if I don't do it about every two weeks I wind up depressive.

So I set myself an external calendar, and mark new and full moons, plus whatever additional ritual markings that I need or find appropriate.  The having the external marker for doing things helps a lot in keeping me from losing track of things -- I have a little widget installed on my computer that tracks moonphases, so it's right there for me to see all the time -- and at this point I've done this for long enough that I don't want to break my streak!

Widget?

It seems I'm very connected to the moon, and that would be a great reminder. Do you remember how you put it on?

Blessed Be...Serenah
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« Reply #17: June 05, 2007, 07:50:52 pm »

Widget?

It seems I'm very connected to the moon, and that would be a great reminder. Do you remember how you put it on?

Blessed Be...Serenah

I'm not Darkhawk, but I use Lunabar.
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« Reply #18: June 05, 2007, 07:59:11 pm »

I'm not Darkhawk, but I use Lunabar.

Me too.  And it has the distinct advantage of being compatible with Vista.  That means a lot!  Wink
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« Reply #19: June 05, 2007, 08:10:37 pm »

Widget?

It seems I'm very connected to the moon, and that would be a great reminder. Do you remember how you put it on?

I googled for something like 'moonphase tracker', picked one of the programs, and installed it the way its helps said to install it.

The one I use is MoonMenu:
http://www.selznick.com/products/moonmenu/index.htm
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« Reply #20: June 06, 2007, 07:31:18 am »


I'm probably going to stick with the route of discreetly 'buying the silence' when spending time comes - oh look, two for one special, why don't we spend your quarter on this, and your brother can have one too...

I really sympathise with your feelings on this - and I'm probably not saying anything you haven't already thought of... - but aren't you worried that you might be teaching him to piss and moan until someone pays him to be quiet?
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« Reply #21: June 06, 2007, 10:42:47 am »

I really sympathise with your feelings on this - and I'm probably not saying anything you haven't already thought of... - but aren't you worried that you might be teaching him to piss and moan until someone pays him to be quiet?

D has been my demon.  From day one.  We used to call him "DM" (Devin Michael) but it sounds way too close to DeMon when you say it fast and in an annoyed tone.  That and I was thinking it at the time, so I decided I should probably stop using the name.  The kid has got a will like iron and heaven help any who go up against it.  He was born that way. 

For the things that are significant, I'll put on the waders, but when at all possible I prefer not to waste my time.  There's a technique called a basket hold that I used to use on my oldest.  Long story short, I'll let you go when you settle down.

On the average kid, you're settling in for a good 30 minutes.  This is used when they are in full scale wipe out temper tantrum mode, and have gone too far to come back on their own.  For kids who can't self soothe.  Which is pretty much every time with Boomer.  His mode of self soothing is to go wander off on his own somewhere, and get pouty.  Which in some ways is a damaging coping mechanism because he pushes people away.  Other kids in particular don't understand why all of a sudden he gets mean.   (trying to get his distance, so he can put himself back together - little things like embarrassment can trigger this in him, eg. being chastised in front of others)

With Bubba, the basket hold worked like a charm.  He would settle and then fall asleep usually.  With Boomer, he would escalate until he was out of his head clawing at your face, hyperventilating screaming. 

I spent the first 3 years of his life trying to either bend, break or mutilate that will to go along with my convenience.  It didn't work.  It got me a kid who would scream for 6-8 hour stretches.  I will not procreate again for fear of the child coming out like him.

When he was little we went through every test in the world to try to figure out what his deal was.  Barium swallows, reflux, colic... the list goes on.

Turns out he's perfectly healthy, just didn't like being picked up - or put down for that matter; didn't want to eat anything but bananas, found the experience of going to the bathroom to be an utter insult to his sensibilities, and the offense of not being able to talk pissed him off so royally from day one that there was no cute cooing face that made you want to get him something, just a red mottled screaming face demanding that you get what he wants and you get it NOW.

One day after four hours of this I finally gave up.  I HAD to do the dishes.  I stood on the other side of the kitchen gate with boom standing on the other side screaming away.

I took a glass of cold water from the sink and dumped it over his head.

He shook it off, gave me a dirty look and kept right on screaming.  I don't think he even remembered what it is he was screaming for.  That was always about 90% of the mystery. 

So years later, I'm still traumatized.  He's learned to be the squeeky wheel when he wants something, and I guess that's good for him.  I think since my oldest and I were very close when boomer was first born, he HAD to scream his way in, to get everyone to move over and make room. 

It doesn't get him out of trouble when he's in trouble; punishments stand, since he can scream in his room all he likes, and without an audience there's no point to pissing and yelling but for another year anyways, we'll keep the peace.

It's not like he randomly gets whatever he wants, so much as I have trouble giving something to one kid but not the other.  Especially since they're so close in age. (18mo apart)  If I weren't planning on handing out quarters, all the screaming in the world wouldn't change it.

and my ultimate justification...  By handing out TWO quarters, I save myself an afternoon of fighting kids when boom finds a way to liberate bubba of his quarter, and bubba decides to sock his brother in the stomach for his consideration.

 Cheesy
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« Reply #22: June 11, 2007, 01:56:03 pm »

  Our house is *clean* but far from *tidy*.  And that's OK.  My priorities have always been: kids first, housework last, everything else in between as reasonably do-able.

Rofl - sorry - but I had to!
Ther eis never enough time for everything - Shadow knows I know JUST how she feels - but MI, you hit it on the head... that's why, round here, the guys live with... "If it's cleaner when I'm done than it was when I started... that's good enough" :p

If they don't like it, they know where the vacuum is Wink

As my FiL said recently, "Their ambition (to Do), is not as great as their Put-up-ance!".

Other than that, the only advice I have since scheduling doesn't work so well around here as it does for many people - just take what you can get and don't feel guilty for taking an hour or something for yourself.

Me too.  And it has the distinct advantage of being compatible with Vista.  That means a lot!  Wink

Ooooh - something is compatible with vista??? yeah yeah, new computer... came with vista...
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« Reply #23: June 11, 2007, 02:05:16 pm »

Ther eis never enough time for everything - Shadow knows I know JUST how she feels - but MI, you hit it on the head... that's why, round here, the guys live with... "If it's cleaner when I'm done than it was when I started... that's good enough" :p

I usually go with "has it developed language skills yet?  No?  Then what's your problem?" Cheesy

if I spent all my time trying to make the place presentable, I'd never do anything that really matters!
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« Reply #24: June 11, 2007, 02:17:41 pm »

I usually go with "has it developed language skills yet?  No?  Then what's your problem?" Cheesy

if I spent all my time trying to make the place presentable, I'd never do anything that really matters!

 Cheesy that sounds about right - alongside "if he's dead, he'll start to smell in a few days..." Usually relating to whether or not our roomate has been seen yet today Wink

Hellfire... it's been eye opening to see what the guys could put up with when the fairies went on vacation Wink
Said fairies also took their bossy bitch pills while away and are now back in charge with a vengeance! (Ok, in reality sunshine rid me of some lingering effects of winter and being stuck indoors for months...)
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« Reply #25: June 11, 2007, 03:26:49 pm »

Cheesy that sounds about right - alongside "if he's dead, he'll start to smell in a few days..." Usually relating to whether or not our roomate has been seen yet today Wink

Hellfire... it's been eye opening to see what the guys could put up with when the fairies went on vacation Wink
Said fairies also took their bossy bitch pills while away and are now back in charge with a vengeance! (Ok, in reality sunshine rid me of some lingering effects of winter and being stuck indoors for months...)

Good!  Make 'em do their share!

after all, your demon only makes, oh .. 2/3rds of the mess .... Cheesy  *runs very fast*
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« Reply #26: June 11, 2007, 03:33:44 pm »

Good!  Make 'em do their share!

after all, your demon only makes, oh .. 2/3rds of the mess .... Cheesy  *runs very fast*

LOL

you got that right - demon makes 2/3rds. demonspawn makes the rest :p
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« Reply #27: June 11, 2007, 05:56:57 pm »

It's better to have a weekly (or even monthly) devotion that you do joyfully, than to have a daily one and have it become a chore.

Sunflower

A thought occurred to me while I was washing the kitchen floor... yes i do occasionally Wink

This seemed the best post to tag it it - I've also found that, when something really matters to me, I'll find the time. Somehow and somewhere. Not least because organised chaos is a way of life here - but while I was washing the floor I was thinking about the coming solstice, and then about the equinox, and realising that since those DO matter to me, I find/found time for them somewhere.

That applies as much, if not more, to my magic as to the more... spiritual... side, but, anyway, since I don't have anything specifically weekly/daily/whatever (I'm not counting the Cill here - that's a separate thing)

I am so not the best person to even look at for sane suggestions lol
Scheduling time would be a wonderful idea but right now... it's low on feasability for me. But I get by Smiley
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