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Author Topic: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic II  (Read 85699 times)
Melamphoros
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« Reply #855: April 18, 2011, 08:05:28 pm »

No, she'll make the rest of your zombie army start trying to catch rainbows and fart moonbeams.  It's REALLY sad when zombies start doing that.

Q. I've got an army of moonbeam-farting zombies.  WTF do I do NOW?

Start a business where you send them as entertainment to kids' birthday parties.

The children seem to be scared of moonbeam-farting zombies even when their limbs comically fall off.  Are all of these children defective?
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« Reply #856: April 19, 2011, 09:35:29 am »

Start a business where you send them as entertainment to kids' birthday parties.

The children seem to be scared of moonbeam-farting zombies even when their limbs comically fall off.  Are all of these children defective?

Yes.  The only sensible thing to do is destroy them all and grow new ones.

What type of soil is needed for ideal child raising?
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« Reply #857: April 19, 2011, 11:43:48 am »

No, she'll make the rest of your zombie army start trying to catch rainbows and fart moonbeams.  It's REALLY sad when zombies start doing that.

Q. I've got an army of moonbeam-farting zombies.  WTF do I do NOW?

Destroy all of them and start a new zombie army.  It's easier that way.

Would the people from Jersey Shore make good zombies?
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« Reply #858: April 22, 2011, 12:43:34 pm »

Destroy all of them and start a new zombie army.  It's easier that way.

Would the people from Jersey Shore make good zombies?

No, there's no hope for them.

I have the ability to access a recipe to create non-moonbeam-farting zombies. Does anybody know where I can get chicken lips?
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« Reply #859: April 22, 2011, 03:00:17 pm »

No, there's no hope for them.

I have the ability to access a recipe to create non-moonbeam-farting zombies. Does anybody know where I can get chicken lips?

Here's a hint:  They are at the opposite end.

So I should use chicken anuses in this spell?
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« Reply #860: April 24, 2011, 05:30:19 pm »

Here's a hint:  They are at the opposite end.

So I should use chicken anuses in this spell?

YES.  Consider the magical qualities of chicken anus.  Notice how the anus is in close proximity to where the all-magical-fertility egg comes out.  Plus, chicken poo itself might make good grass fertilizer.  Fertile ingredients will help spawn your army of zombies.  YAY FERTILITY EGG MAGIC.

Can I worship the Easter Bunny as a patron god?  After all, bunnies are like, pagan right?
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« Reply #861: April 24, 2011, 05:54:35 pm »

YES.  Consider the magical qualities of chicken anus.  Notice how the anus is in close proximity to where the all-magical-fertility egg comes out.  Plus, chicken poo itself might make good grass fertilizer.  Fertile ingredients will help spawn your army of zombies.  YAY FERTILITY EGG MAGIC.

Can I worship the Easter Bunny as a patron god?  After all, bunnies are like, pagan right?

A:  Yes, and the best way to do that is wear a pentacle the size of a dinner plate and believe everything the 101 books tell you.

Q:  Anyone want some pan-fried rabbit glazed in port sauce?
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« Reply #862: April 26, 2011, 11:33:14 am »

A:  Yes, and the best way to do that is wear a pentacle the size of a dinner plate and believe everything the 101 books tell you.

Q:  Anyone want some pan-fried rabbit glazed in port sauce?

A: NO!  Eating animals is against the will of the Goddess!!!!!!!!!

Q: How can I appease the Goddess' wrath before she smites Mel for cooking a harmless little bunny?
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« Reply #863: April 26, 2011, 11:43:18 am »

A: NO!  Eating animals is against the will of the Goddess!!!!!!!!!

Q: How can I appease the Goddess' wrath before she smites Mel for cooking a harmless little bunny?

Cook Mel.  human isn't animal, is it?

Q. Eeew, I'm a vegetarian, and he eats meat!  Shouldn't I stick to vegetarians to cook?
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« Reply #864: April 26, 2011, 03:31:58 pm »

Cook Mel.  human isn't animal, is it?

Q. Eeew, I'm a vegetarian, and he eats meat!  Shouldn't I stick to vegetarians to cook?

Yes you should.  I taste bad anyway.

Does anyone know of any vegetarian/vegan cookbooks that actually tell you how to cook vegetarians/vegans?
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« Reply #865: April 26, 2011, 07:12:24 pm »

Yes you should.  I taste bad anyway.

Does anyone know of any vegetarian/vegan cookbooks that actually tell you how to cook vegetarians/vegans?

1001 ways to cook your Vegan in your slow cooker.

My Vegan came out stringy and dry.  Did I not baste enough?
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Melamphoros
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« Reply #866: April 26, 2011, 07:33:15 pm »

1001 ways to cook your Vegan in your slow cooker.

My Vegan came out stringy and dry.  Did I not baste enough?

Probably not.

I want to make vegan stew.  Should I use vegetable stock or have some fun and use pork stock instead?
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« Reply #867: April 26, 2011, 07:53:05 pm »

Probably not.

I want to make vegan stew.  Should I use vegetable stock or have some fun and use pork stock instead?

Have fun with it and use pork stock.  Much more flavorsome. 

I can't find pork stock.  Will beef stock do?
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Melamphoros
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« Reply #868: April 26, 2011, 08:06:57 pm »

Have fun with it and use pork stock.  Much more flavorsome. 

I can't find pork stock.  Will beef stock do?

Yeah, I just said pork because I heard it tastes more like human.

What sort of sauce would you recommend for grilled vegan?
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« Reply #869: April 27, 2011, 10:01:11 pm »

Yeah, I just said pork because I heard it tastes more like human.

What sort of sauce would you recommend for grilled vegan?

Depends on its ethnicity.  If Asian, go directly for a sweet and sour glaze.  American?  Hell, just throw some ketchup on it and call it good.

Should I make a hot dog/sausage from all my leftover vegan parts?
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