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Author Topic: disconnected. . .  (Read 3114 times)
Autumn Twilight
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« Topic Start: November 05, 2010, 12:21:40 pm »

Lately I have been feeling very disconnected from my husband. He's being nice enough but I can't stop wishing he would just leave me alone and go away. When he yells at/disciplines the kids it gets even worse.

A little back story here. . . I have bipolar disorder. I am medicated so for the most part I am pretty level but I do go through these "phases". Usually it is triggered by something he says could/should be different. I'm sure he thinks he's "helping" but if he doesn't stop "helping" I'm going to snap! Angry

I would love to be able to reset my emotions; let go, but I just can't seem to figure out how. It's very frustrating and stressful for both of us.
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« Reply #1: November 05, 2010, 02:52:38 pm »

Lately I have been feeling very disconnected from my husband. He's being nice enough but I can't stop wishing he would just leave me alone and go away.

Wow!  That sounds very distressing.  I can't imagine how upset I'd be if I felt like that toward my husband.

Have you talked to him about this?  I can see how difficult that could be, but, if you do, maybe the two of you could figure out a way to address the problem.
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« Reply #2: November 05, 2010, 04:08:56 pm »

Lately I have been feeling very disconnected from my husband. He's being nice enough but I can't stop wishing he would just leave me alone and go away. When he yells at/disciplines the kids it gets even worse.

A little back story here. . . I have bipolar disorder. I am medicated so for the most part I am pretty level but I do go through these "phases". Usually it is triggered by something he says could/should be different. I'm sure he thinks he's "helping" but if he doesn't stop "helping" I'm going to snap! Angry

I would love to be able to reset my emotions; let go, but I just can't seem to figure out how. It's very frustrating and stressful for both of us.

When I first got diagnosed with depression, I was UNABLE to have a bad day because all my issues were "depression".  I never doubted that hubby loved me, etc - but the taking care of my depression FOR me made me want to drop kick him out a window.

You might want to consider family therapy, or him coming along to your therapist or however you've got things set up.  Have someone ELSE mediate when you talk about how you feel like you can't own your emotions (if I'm reading this right, if not, sorry!  don't mean to tell you how you feel etc!)

If it doesn't actually HELP, what he's doing isn't helping, it's adding to the problem.  Sometime when things are otherwise calm, it might be useful to point that out ....

Good luck, hon!  That situation SUCKS.
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« Reply #3: November 05, 2010, 05:53:10 pm »


You might want to consider family therapy, or him coming along to your therapist or however you've got things set up.  Have someone ELSE mediate when you talk about how you feel like you can't own your emotions (if I'm reading this right, if not, sorry!  don't mean to tell you how you feel etc!)

If it doesn't actually HELP, what he's doing isn't helping, it's adding to the problem.  Sometime when things are otherwise calm, it might be useful to point that out ....

Good luck, hon!  That situation SUCKS.

Seconded, thirded, however many other votes I can sneak in to support this. DEFINITELY get your therapist involved. This is something you don't have to handle alone, and hearing it from an expert may be what it takes to bring your husband around.
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« Reply #4: November 06, 2010, 09:39:32 am »

When I first got diagnosed with depression, I was UNABLE to have a bad day because all my issues were "depression".  I never doubted that hubby loved me, etc - but the taking care of my depression FOR me made me want to drop kick him out a window.

You might want to consider family therapy, or him coming along to your therapist or however you've got things set up.  Have someone ELSE mediate when you talk about how you feel like you can't own your emotions (if I'm reading this right, if not, sorry!  don't mean to tell you how you feel etc!)

If it doesn't actually HELP, what he's doing isn't helping, it's adding to the problem.  Sometime when things are otherwise calm, it might be useful to point that out ....

Good luck, hon!  That situation SUCKS.

This.
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Autumn Twilight
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« Reply #5: November 06, 2010, 07:53:00 pm »

Wow!  That sounds very distressing.  I can't imagine how upset I'd be if I felt like that toward my husband.

Have you talked to him about this?  I can see how difficult that could be, but, if you do, maybe the two of you could figure out a way to address the problem.

Yes. . . It's very cyclical for me; probably related to my bipolar swings. . .
He is amazingly patient and tolerant. <3
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« Reply #6: November 06, 2010, 07:56:26 pm »

Seconded, thirded, however many other votes I can sneak in to support this. DEFINITELY get your therapist involved. This is something you don't have to handle alone, and hearing it from an expert may be what it takes to bring your husband around.

I wish I had/could afford a therapist. Sadly, it's one of those things that's on my "someday" list. . .

I'm sure it's mostly me but this morning I asked that, for one week, he listen to the things he says to me, open mindedly, so that he might be more aware of what I am hearing.
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« Reply #7: November 06, 2010, 07:59:44 pm »

I wish I had/could afford a therapist. Sadly, it's one of those things that's on my "someday" list. . .

You might ask your doctor if he could make any suggestions about how you might inexpensively access a therapist.  In my area, there are a few who still take insurance.  Also, if you have a clinic in the area, they might be able to help.

I wish you luck.  This sounds like a very difficult situation.

Hopefully, the one week thing will go well, and you'll both learn from it.  Good luck!
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« Reply #8: November 08, 2010, 12:45:20 pm »

Hopefully, the one week thing will go well, and you'll both learn from it.  Good luck!

We had a fairly decent/extensive discussion the other night and I can tell that he is really trying to understand and help. For the moment, things are looking up!  Smiley
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