The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum (Archive Board)
August 04, 2020, 06:15:39 am *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: This is our Read Only Archive Board (closed to posting July 2011). Join our new vBulletin board!
 
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
August 04, 2020, 06:15:39 am

Login with username, password and session length
Donate!
The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.
TC Staff
Important Information about this Archive Board
This message board is The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum's SMF Archive Board. It is closed to new memberships and to posting, but there are over 250,000 messages here that you can still search and read -- many full of interesting and useful information. (This board was open from February 2007 through June 2011).

Our new vBulletin discussion board is located at http://www.ecauldron.com/forum/ -- if you would like to participate in discussions like those you see here, please visit our new vBulletin message board, register an account and join in our discussions. We hope you will find the information in this message archive useful and will consider joining us on our new board.
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
Author Topic: Hard one for me "Sister"  (Read 3276 times)
Legion
Journeyman
***
Last Login:July 09, 2011, 07:56:01 pm
Netherlands Netherlands

Religion: Norse Paganism.
Posts: 132

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Topic Start: February 06, 2011, 11:18:34 am »

Right a little backstory.

During last year my sister "a wiccan or so she says" "Doesn't do rituals, doesn't honor goddesses" so a happy go lucky wiccan O_o... Was in a relationship with another woman "lesbian marriage" now i'll be the last man on earth to make a point of that so this is purely just as information and will have no further role in the remainder of this post. Anyway, the other women lets for the sake of naming her call her Jil... "That's not her real name, i respect someones privacy even if i hate them" So jil and my sis were married. And jil always had mental issues and i'm talking worse then depression. Early last year Jil went psychotic, and scitzophrenic, and suicidal. And jil started hurting everyone around her physicly. And to cut a long story short jil beat my sister up, and threatend to kill my sister. So out of panic and the binds of the blood "hey it remains family" i decided to take her into the house with me so she can atleast live safely for a while till the devorce was arranged and she got her life back on track. I thought it would be the honorable thing to do. And honor being one of the virtues i thought i couldn't exacly go wrong with this.

But my gods was i mistakened. She ended up sticking around for 9 months, meddling in everything. Threating me like i was litteraly her little brother. And this pissed me off, a lot, as a matter it pissed me of so much and i had no way to guide the agression away, so i got into a depression because of it. Eventually we "my parrents and i" kicked her out. Because the situation was becomming explosive.

Now here's the thing, she still hasn't arranged the divorce. And my former sister in law "jil" might be forced back to live with her. And she just doesn't take any steps. It's like she's completely passive about the entire thing. Also she severely insults my father which is the most honorable man i know. And she directs all her issues to my mother which can't sleep at night because of it.

Also she keeps saying there's something wrong with me. Never going into specifics. And i'm currently at a point where i'm starting to move from disliking. To hating, my sister. I feel used. I feel my fellow family has been used. And i feel like she mocks me for all that i am. Even though i'm more honorable, doing better in life, and i even dare say, have more wisdom inside my head then she "even though the 20 year age difference". She mocks me for being better and tries to drag me down the hole she's been falling into for as long as i've known.

Also she did some iq tests which ended up that she's "Gifted" as in high iq, but she makes one stupid mistake after the other. Yet she keeps telling people she's got a gifted iq and that she knows things better then them because of this. Which tbh just makes me want to slap her back into reality.

So here comes the problem. From one side i just want to break all bonds, kick her down and never look back. Like i would with anyone else that would take advantage of me and then mock me afterwards for allowing it to happen. From the other however, it's family. And i can't betray that which runs through our veins.

A honor dilema, never thought i'd use those two words in the same line.

Any advice?

Honor and wisdom.
Legion.
Logged

Welcome, Guest!
You will need to register and/or login to participate in our discussions.

Read our Rules and Policies and the Quoting Guidelines.

Help Fund Our Server? Donate to Lyricfox's Cancer Fund?

Tana
Staff
High Adept Member
***
*
Last Login:July 26, 2013, 08:37:48 am
Germany Germany

Religion: I'm my Lady's own
Posts: 3407


fence-riding, free-flowing, shamagic = crazy

Blog entries (4)

WWW
« Reply #1: February 06, 2011, 11:36:58 am »


I have no advice.
Besides that the Family is not this one person.
And if one person hurts the family as a whole, you have to take steps against it.

I can not judge the whole thing from afar, but what you wrote sounds a lot like a person having more issues than she can handle and making everyone else pay for that.

To be honest, my mothers sister kinda acted up after my grandfathers dead, treating the remaining family as if we owed her tons of money, got a lawyer and so on... to make a long story (that made me tired till I wanted to throw up) short: we - my mother and I - cut ourselves off from her. She is not family anymore.

Crap like this happens sometimes.

If I was in a similar situation, becoming sick myself, see my parents being insulted and worried, I would try everything to protect them. Oh and myself too.

I wish you best of luck to solve this situation.
Logged

'You had to repay, good or bad. There was more than one type of obligation. That’s what people never really understood.….Things had to balance. You couldn’t set out to be a good witch or a bad witch. It never worked out for long. All you could try to be was a witch, as hard as you could.' Terry Pratchett 'Lords and Ladies'

(The FB button in my profile does not work, if you like go and add me: Tana Adaneth, the one with the Doom Kitty avatar Wink)

Only shallow people know themselves. (Oscar Wilde)
yewberry
Adept Member
*****
Last Login:August 02, 2014, 04:15:33 pm
United States United States

Posts: 2087

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #2: February 06, 2011, 01:11:58 pm »

And i can't betray that which runs through our veins.

You're not betraying anyone.  You can't save people, no matter what ties bind you.  Love and blood aren't enough.  Have you been honest with your sister?  Have you told her that she's going to alienate you if she doesn't get some help?  If so, she had fair warning.

Some of the most troubled people I know are paper geniuses (high IQs).  That doesn't always translate to happiness or mental stability.

Brina
Logged
Legion
Journeyman
***
Last Login:July 09, 2011, 07:56:01 pm
Netherlands Netherlands

Religion: Norse Paganism.
Posts: 132

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #3: February 06, 2011, 01:17:48 pm »

You're not betraying anyone.  You can't save people, no matter what ties bind you.  Love and blood aren't enough.  Have you been honest with your sister?  Have you told her that she's going to alienate you if she doesn't get some help?  If so, she had fair warning.

Some of the most troubled people I know are paper geniuses (high IQs).  That doesn't always translate to happiness or mental stability.

Brina

I have told her numerous times. It's like shouting to a brick wall... It doesn't seem to achieve anything other then more frustrations.
Logged
stephyjh
Master Member
****
*
Last Login:October 01, 2013, 01:56:16 am
Virgin Islands, U.S. Virgin Islands, U.S.

Religion: Celtic polytheist with Native American influences
TCN ID: stephyjh
Posts: 749


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #4: February 06, 2011, 01:26:58 pm »

So here comes the problem. From one side i just want to break all bonds, kick her down and never look back. Like i would with anyone else that would take advantage of me and then mock me afterwards for allowing it to happen. From the other however, it's family. And i can't betray that which runs through our veins.

A honor dilema, never thought i'd use those two words in the same line.

Any advice?

Honor and wisdom.
Legion.

Here's the deal, and excuse me if I sound harsh. You've listed your religion as Norse, and talked a lot about honor, but there are other virtues to be considered as well. What about the courage to make the hard decision, the truth not to lie to yourself and convince yourself that what she's doing is OK? The whole point of family is to love and support each other, and if she's treating you and your parents badly, then she's not doing that. A family member who loves you will have your best interests at heart, rather than trying to manipulate and mock you and keep you under her thumb. You've got to protect your entire family, not just her.
Logged

Legion
Journeyman
***
Last Login:July 09, 2011, 07:56:01 pm
Netherlands Netherlands

Religion: Norse Paganism.
Posts: 132

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #5: February 06, 2011, 02:24:48 pm »

Here's the deal, and excuse me if I sound harsh. You've listed your religion as Norse, and talked a lot about honor, but there are other virtues to be considered as well. What about the courage to make the hard decision, the truth not to lie to yourself and convince yourself that what she's doing is OK? The whole point of family is to love and support each other, and if she's treating you and your parents badly, then she's not doing that. A family member who loves you will have your best interests at heart, rather than trying to manipulate and mock you and keep you under her thumb. You've got to protect your entire family, not just her.

First off i don't count that as harsh so don't worry. Secondly, you're right, courage, is a virtue. I'm going to give her one more chance to reconcile, a simple sorry will already cool my temper. If she doesn't however, well... then that's the end of that. I'll move on like i've always have, suck it up and continue walking.

Thanks for your reply.

Legion.
Logged
Jenett
High Adept Member
******
Last Login:February 23, 2020, 06:56:44 pm
United States United States

Religion: Priestess in initiatory religious witchcraft tradition
Posts: 2506


Blog entries (1)

WWW

Ignore
« Reply #6: February 06, 2011, 05:04:17 pm »


In addition to the other comments - just because you love someone doesn't mean you can't (or shouldn't) set boundaries. You can be clear that she's not allowed to treat you or your parents badly (insult you, tease you in ways you've asked her not to, etc.) You can set a limit on how long you're comfortable hosting her in your home, or how far you're willing to go to help.

Given what you've described, and the length of time you've been helping, it would be quite fair to say "Hey, sis, this seems like it's working less well for both of us than we'd hoped. How about we set a deadline for you to find somewhere that is more what you need and want right now? Say the end of February?" Or whatever else makes sense. And then share what you're willing to do - help with the physical part of a move, help with a deposit for a new apartment, help getting rides to get any assistance she might be able to get from whatever other source.
Logged

Blog: Thoughts from a threshold: http://gleewood.org/threshold
Info for seekers: http://gleewood.org/seeking
Pagan books and resources: http://gleewood.org/books
Legion
Journeyman
***
Last Login:July 09, 2011, 07:56:01 pm
Netherlands Netherlands

Religion: Norse Paganism.
Posts: 132

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #7: February 06, 2011, 05:16:30 pm »

In addition to the other comments - just because you love someone doesn't mean you can't (or shouldn't) set boundaries. You can be clear that she's not allowed to treat you or your parents badly (insult you, tease you in ways you've asked her not to, etc.) You can set a limit on how long you're comfortable hosting her in your home, or how far you're willing to go to help.

Given what you've described, and the length of time you've been helping, it would be quite fair to say "Hey, sis, this seems like it's working less well for both of us than we'd hoped. How about we set a deadline for you to find somewhere that is more what you need and want right now? Say the end of February?" Or whatever else makes sense. And then share what you're willing to do - help with the physical part of a move, help with a deposit for a new apartment, help getting rides to get any assistance she might be able to get from whatever other source.

Think you've misread a bit, we already litteraly kicked her out. She's in the appartment of her "wife / ex wife when she finaly gets the damn divorce going" as "Jil" is currently being moved from one mental institution to the next, But they're changing the law here that means that she can no longer be helped and must return to her home. So unless my sister manages to get the divorce papers signed before the law is accepted "as it will be accepted" they'll be forced to live together again.

And should she come asking for help again after that. I'll boldly answer no. The thing is this actually makes me feel guilty... almost as betrayal. But like i said in earlier messages, she treats me like dirt even though i've always tried to support her. Even spreading rumors about me now, Apearently i've been doing drugs "even though ivé been clean for god knows how long" Also apearently i'm suicidal even though i've had therapy and have been feeling absolutely great as of late. "other then this isssue" Apearently i'm a backstabber. And overly dominant "as in abuse people i care about". Even though i'm very gentile on the inside, and i've never ever physicly harmed anyone i cared about. Mentally i might have hurt some people but it was never my intention to harm them.

So she is succesfully ruining me, even though i helped her try to get her life back on track. And this is simply cannot accept. And we're getting close to one of her rumors becomming true, the physicly attacking someone i care about one.

And that just makes me feel sad.

Legion.
Logged
mlr52
Master Member
****
Last Login:April 05, 2016, 04:47:17 am
United States United States

Religion: Unitarian Universalist
TCN ID: mlr52
Posts: 636


ACT OF FAITH LABYRINTH

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #8: February 06, 2011, 06:23:20 pm »


 So unless my sister manages to get the divorce papers signed before the law is accepted "as it will be accepted" they'll be forced to live together again.
[\quote]

Let this go, stay out of it. There are lots of married people that live in different apartments.

Quote

And should she come asking for help again after that. I'll boldly answer no. The thing is this actually makes me feel guilty... almost as betrayal.

[\quote]

Screw guilt (in this case), it sounds as if you have fulfilled any obligations.

Quote

So she is succesfully ruining me, even though i helped her try to get her life back on track. And this is simply cannot accept. And we're getting close to one of her rumors becomming true, the physicly attacking someone i care about one.


Sometimes, time and distance can work wonders, sometimes not.  Ask yourself what will give me the greatest peace?  Does your God(s) have any advice?
Logged

Light your candle.
In Love and Service, Blessed Be.

A Notary Public for The State of New York, I Live in Brooklyn, Work in Manhattan - No Fee
Juniperberry
Master Member
****
Last Login:July 05, 2011, 02:16:19 pm
United States United States

Religion: Heathen
Posts: 312


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #9: February 06, 2011, 06:39:38 pm »

Think you've misread a bit, we already litteraly kicked her out. She's in the appartment of her "wife / ex wife when she finaly gets the damn divorce going" as "Jil" is currently being moved from one mental institution to the next, But they're changing the law here that means that she can no longer be helped and must return to her home. So unless my sister manages to get the divorce papers signed before the law is accepted "as it will be accepted" they'll be forced to live together again.

And should she come asking for help again after that. I'll boldly answer no. The thing is this actually makes me feel guilty... almost as betrayal. But like i said in earlier messages, she treats me like dirt even though i've always tried to support her. Even spreading rumors about me now, Apearently i've been doing drugs "even though ivé been clean for god knows how long" Also apearently i'm suicidal even though i've had therapy and have been feeling absolutely great as of late. "other then this isssue" Apearently i'm a backstabber. And overly dominant "as in abuse people i care about". Even though i'm very gentile on the inside, and i've never ever physicly harmed anyone i cared about. Mentally i might have hurt some people but it was never my intention to harm them.

So she is succesfully ruining me, even though i helped her try to get her life back on track. And this is simply cannot accept. And we're getting close to one of her rumors becomming true, the physicly attacking someone i care about one.

And that just makes me feel sad.

Legion.


To answer in a heathen context, I can understand that you feel responsible to family and to honor your sister and whatnot. But another side of heathenry and family and community  IS kicking out those who don't abide my the 'rules', who don't live with honor, who aren't a help to the community- and declaring them outlaws.

Don't feel guilty for demanding the best from your family to insure the best influences of Orlog.
Logged
Legion
Journeyman
***
Last Login:July 09, 2011, 07:56:01 pm
Netherlands Netherlands

Religion: Norse Paganism.
Posts: 132

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #10: February 06, 2011, 07:32:27 pm »


To answer in a heathen context, I can understand that you feel responsible to family and to honor your sister and whatnot. But another side of heathenry and family and community  IS kicking out those who don't abide my the 'rules', who don't live with honor, who aren't a help to the community- and declaring them outlaws.

Don't feel guilty for demanding the best from your family to insure the best influences of Orlog.

I know you're right, but it's never easy to ban someone out of your life that has been there since the day you were born. A choice has to be made though. And i'm the only one that can make it.

Legion.
Logged

Donor Ad: Become a Silver or Gold Donor to get your ad here.

Tags:
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
 
Jump to:  
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

* Share this topic...
In a forum
(BBCode)
In a site/blog
(HTML)


Related Topics
Subject Started by Replies Views Last post
Your favourite "new" health theory "discovery"
Health and Medicine
Kayah 12 8526 Last post March 24, 2007, 02:35:42 pm
by Elisabette
The term "Christian" means only "evangelical Christians" per FOTF
Religious News
LyricFox 8 7325 Last post April 11, 2007, 12:23:46 pm
by maotig
The Orca Show ("Shamu"/"Believe")
Social Discussion Boards
WarHorse 0 1867 Last post October 07, 2009, 09:17:46 am
by WarHorse
Calling Quarters: Is there a "right" or "wrong" way?
Worship and Ritual
Letheus 14 8445 Last post September 08, 2010, 08:18:03 am
by AmberHeart
Christine O'Donnell, "I Am Not a Witch.", "I Am You." « 1 2 3 »
Political Discussions
Vermillion 37 19881 Last post June 13, 2011, 08:50:00 am
by mandrina
EU Cookie Notice: This site uses cookies. By using this site you consent to their use.


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2008, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.052 seconds with 48 queries.