The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum (Archive Board)
August 08, 2020, 01:02:02 pm *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: This is our Read Only Archive Board (closed to posting July 2011). Join our new vBulletin board!
 
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
August 08, 2020, 01:02:02 pm

Login with username, password and session length
Donate!
The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.
TC Staff
Important Information about this Archive Board
This message board is The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum's SMF Archive Board. It is closed to new memberships and to posting, but there are over 250,000 messages here that you can still search and read -- many full of interesting and useful information. (This board was open from February 2007 through June 2011).

Our new vBulletin discussion board is located at http://www.ecauldron.com/forum/ -- if you would like to participate in discussions like those you see here, please visit our new vBulletin message board, register an account and join in our discussions. We hope you will find the information in this message archive useful and will consider joining us on our new board.
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
Author Topic: No connection  (Read 4822 times)
Collinsky
Adept Member
*****
*
*
Last Login:July 03, 2011, 11:33:09 pm
United States United States

Religion: Celtic/Heathen, ADF, UU
TCN ID: Collinsky
Posts: 1026


I was made from the ninefold elements...

Blog entries (0)

Collinsky CollinskyCo
WWW

Ignore
« Topic Start: March 14, 2011, 03:11:15 pm »

I want to talk about something a bit, to try to feel it out and see if I should continue with the Cill or not.

When I read what Brighid is for many of you, for whom she is a personal and often primary deity, it's beautiful. And I know that upon reading it, many others are inspired and moved to a deeper relationship. But it's not like that for me.

I never felt a solid call from her. And when I decided to start honoring her and keeping the flame, I never felt a welcoming embrace or anything of the sort. No "get away" feelings, but just no feeling of belonging with her. There is just NO connection. I absolutely do not experience her the way that others seem to.

I tend anyway, for a few reasons: 1, I like the structure. 2, I like you guys and like feeling a connection to this group. and 3, I figure that whether or not I have a personal relationship with her she still is worthy of honor, and the ancient Celts didn't worship her only if they felt deep meaning -- some did it simply out of tradition, and respect, etc.

It was in reading some of the thoughts and feelings that you all have for Brighid that really drove home how "outside" I feel with that, and that I am really going through the motions. I'm okay with not having a relationship with Brighid - not every person has a relationship with every deity, and some don't have a relationship with any deities at all, and that's just the way of things. I don't expect tending to make a connection where there is none, but I believe it can bring with it gifts anyway.

However, I don't know if it's right for me to be a Cill member, with my lukewarm attitude toward Brighid. I know that you all do not have an exclusionary approach, and that you don't really apply any litmus test to see who should join or not. I just want to be honest in what I feel, and respectful of the Cill.
Logged

~*~Colleen~*~
When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead.
http://colleenrachelle.livejournal.com/
"Let's not confuse your inability to comprehend what I do with my ability to do it."

Welcome, Guest!
You will need to register and/or login to participate in our discussions.

Read our Rules and Policies and the Quoting Guidelines.

Help Fund Our Server? Donate to Lyricfox's Cancer Fund?

Tana
Staff
High Adept Member
***
*
Last Login:July 26, 2013, 08:37:48 am
Germany Germany

Religion: I'm my Lady's own
Posts: 3407


fence-riding, free-flowing, shamagic = crazy

Blog entries (4)

WWW
« Reply #1: March 14, 2011, 05:39:43 pm »

I want to talk about something a bit, to try to feel it out and see if I should continue with the Cill or not.

If this is of any solace to you, I have the same second thoughts.
Brighid seems not to work for me. Period.

I tried, there is nothing for me.

And even if she and my Lady have large overlappings to some extent that they might even can be considered to be filled by the same energy - heck, I am the last to understand the nature of the gods, so dunno - still I just can't connect.

I tried. This was my third shift.
There is nothing for me.

Neither I think I am forbidden to do it, in fact Dana might even like me to make contact, but I do not think it is necessary.

Actually I feel more like I have strayed too far away from where I really should be exploring.
And though I know that for quite a few SIG-Sister the Lady of the Stars is Brighid - this is not true for me in this exclusive way.
I am sorry. Sad

I feel pretty tangled up in all this lore and imagery and it leads only to dead ends.

I won't drop out of the Cill right now, I'll keep my shifts for another few months, just in case.
But I'll going back to where I'm feeling drawn.

As soon as I can make head and tails of what is going on in my mind, I'll share fwiw, but now I need time to think and to reconnect.
Logged

'You had to repay, good or bad. There was more than one type of obligation. That’s what people never really understood.….Things had to balance. You couldn’t set out to be a good witch or a bad witch. It never worked out for long. All you could try to be was a witch, as hard as you could.' Terry Pratchett 'Lords and Ladies'

(The FB button in my profile does not work, if you like go and add me: Tana Adaneth, the one with the Doom Kitty avatar Wink)

Only shallow people know themselves. (Oscar Wilde)
Morag
Adept Member
*****
*
Last Login:October 16, 2019, 05:54:45 pm
Canada Canada

Religion: NeoCeltic Feri/Reclaimingesque HearthWitchery
TCN ID: morag
Posts: 2178


So much more than a pretty girl.

Blog entries (0)

maitressekatje honeyfeather honeyfeather
WWW

Ignore
« Reply #2: March 14, 2011, 08:05:14 pm »


Sometimes when I keep flame, I don't feel anything. At all. Sometimes She's just not there. Or She is, but I can't feel Her.

I can't imagine it being like that all the time with Brighid, but I can imagine it with other deities -- I've felt Aphrodite's presence maybe once, but I still make offerings to Her once a week (ish).

I still think it's right for you to remain in the Cill if you believe it's right. I obviously can't speak for anyone else in the Cill, but that's my $0.02. Smiley
Logged

Read Bellica here!
Innocence and Immanence

"i am not an angry girl, but it seems like i've got everyone fooled -- every time i say something they find hard to hear they chalk it up to my anger and never to their own fear. and imagine you're a girl, just trying to finally come clean, knowing full well they'd prefer you were dirty and smiling."
--Ani DiFranco, Not a Pretty Girl.
Juni
Moderator
Adept Member
***
*
*
Last Login:May 18, 2015, 04:18:28 pm
United States United States

Religion: Misticism
TCN ID: Juni
Posts: 2302


Strive to be happy.

Blog entries (2)

WWW
« Reply #3: March 14, 2011, 09:49:21 pm »

However, I don't know if it's right for me to be a Cill member, with my lukewarm attitude toward Brighid. I know that you all do not have an exclusionary approach, and that you don't really apply any litmus test to see who should join or not. I just want to be honest in what I feel, and respectful of the Cill.

It is my opinion that the nature of your relationship with Brighid is between you and her. If you feel no pull from her and wish to keep anyway, who am I to keep you from it?
Logged


.: Eleven-Pm.org .:. updated 30 June :.

"I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax! 'Fer duck huntin." - Futurama
Ellen M.
Adept Member
*****
*
Last Login:February 17, 2013, 08:34:24 pm
United States United States

Religion: ADF - UU - eclectic Wiccan - devotee of Brighid
Posts: 2479

Go, then - there are other worlds than these.

Blog entries (0)

Ellen MacInnis lellenator
WWW

Ignore
« Reply #4: March 15, 2011, 12:18:24 am »


I absolutely think that if you want to stay, you should stay, for a few reasons.

1) The quality of your relationship with Brighid in no way affects my own.
2) Your relationship doesn't sound all that different from mine. I have a closer devotion to her, but I don't "feel" her that often, and I haven't exactly felt like I've been claimed by her, more like I've chosen to ally myself with her.
3) The very fact that your relationship might be different than "the norm" at the Cill (and note that I haven't been around long enough to ascertain if there even is a norm here!) means that you can contribute a unique perspective. There's wisdom to be found in your situation just as there is in anyone else's.
Logged

Sage and Starshine: My new Pagan blog about Druidry, witchcraft, Brighid, and everything in between. -- 14th post 6/1/11
Aster Breo
SIG Coordinator
Staff
Grand Adept Member
***
Last Login:January 29, 2013, 09:32:22 pm
United States United States

Religion: Feral Brighideach
TCN ID: Aster Breo
Posts: 5260


Avatar byJuni & Dania

Blog entries (0)


« Reply #5: March 15, 2011, 01:46:13 am »

The very fact that your relationship might be different than "the norm" at the Cill (and note that I haven't been around long enough to ascertain if there even is a norm here!) means that you can contribute a unique perspective. There's wisdom to be found in your situation just as there is in anyone else's.

What everyone else has said, and, especially, this (*points up to quote from Ellen*).

Because I've been very vocal about it, I'm probably one who some of you are thinking about when considering a close relationship with Brighid, so I feel like I should chime in here.

I don't think humans CAN *feel* deity all or even most of the time.  I think it would blow out our circuit breakers, or something like that. 

For me, it's not so much about my relationship with Brighid as it is about my commitment and responsibilities to Her.  I don't need Her to be with me all the time -- just like I don't need my husband to be with me all the time.  He goes to work and I don't see him all day, or he travels for work and I don't see him all week, but we're still married and I'm still committed to him.

Yes, I have felt Brighid's actual presence and heard Her voice -- but only a few times.  Enough for me to know She's really there and that She'll be there for me when I really need Her, but certainly not every day, or even every month.

Also, everyone's relationships with deity are different.  And relationships go through phases and evolve.  I've had times in my life when I needed more reassurance and so She provided that.  Lately, I haven't really needed that, so She hasn't been as...immediate.

I absolutely support your right to decide whether you want to continue in the Cill, and we'll miss you if you decide not to stay.  And you'd be welcome to come back if that feels like the right thing for you at some point later.

But I want to make sure that we are all basing our comments on a realistic view of what it means to have a relationship with deity.  Each perspective is every bit as valid as each other perspective.

I hope this makes at least a little sense...  Cheesy

~ Aster
Logged

"The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."  ~ George Bernard Shaw
SunflowerP
Moderator
Grand Adept Member
***
Last Login:August 04, 2020, 12:00:28 pm
Canada Canada

Religion: Eclectic Wicca-compatible religious Witch (Libertarian Witchcraft)
TCN ID: SunflowerP
Posts: 5485


Blog entries (0)

WWW
« Reply #6: March 15, 2011, 04:15:02 pm »

However, I don't know if it's right for me to be a Cill member, with my lukewarm attitude toward Brighid. I know that you all do not have an exclusionary approach, and that you don't really apply any litmus test to see who should join or not. I just want to be honest in what I feel, and respectful of the Cill.
One of the things I especially like about the Cill is the wide variety of relationships to Brigid that are represented in it.  For some, she's their primary or sole deity; for others, she's one among many deities they work with, and may not even be the primary one.  I can't think of anyone we've had who kept the flame to honor Brigid the saint rather than Brigid the goddess, but we've always allowed for the possibility.  I'm pretty sure there are a few who don't really have a personal relationship with her at all; they're simply honoring her because they see her influence on their lives and/or paths in more indirect ways.  We've had at least one, and I've reason to believe more than one, for whom honoring Brigid was just one strand of a path of honoring goddesses of many sorts.  I don't know, but wouldn't be surprised, if there've been some for whom the main focus was on creative work being, for them, a deeply spiritual activity, and Brigid came into it only or mainly because keeping her flame is one of the few options for making creativity a devotional activity in a structured way.

That said, it really comes down to how it fits into your path and praxis - there are many, many ways it might fit, but OTOH, it might not fit in any of those ways, and if it doesn't, it doesn't.

I don't have time to address this any more fully - I'm leaving tonight to spend a couple of weeks with JFP and should be packing right now.  Once I get there, I'll have time to add more, since he's not taking vacation time for this (if he was, we wouldn't be able to do this, or not for more than a few days), but right now, gotta fly.

Sunflower
Logged

Don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs!
I do so have a life.  I just live part of it online.
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others
to live as one wishes to live.” - Oscar Wilde
My blog "If You Ain't Makin' Waves, You Ain't Kickin' Hard Enough", at Dreamwidth and LJ
Collinsky
Adept Member
*****
*
*
Last Login:July 03, 2011, 11:33:09 pm
United States United States

Religion: Celtic/Heathen, ADF, UU
TCN ID: Collinsky
Posts: 1026


I was made from the ninefold elements...

Blog entries (0)

Collinsky CollinskyCo
WWW

Ignore
« Reply #7: March 16, 2011, 09:27:10 pm »


For me, it's not so much about my relationship with Brighid as it is about my commitment and responsibilities to Her. 


Thanks -- I'm replying to everyone, but using this as a jumping off point. I think that this is what I need to be thinking of: what my commitment means, what my responsibilities to Her are.

I think that because I do have relationships (of varying degrees of "relationship") with other deities, it makes the absence of that with Brighid more noticeable. She is the only deity that I have decided to honor, specifically and individually, and regularly, that I have not had some kind of pull from, or feeling toward.

I am going to be sitting with these thoughts for a while. It might be that the practice of honoring a goddess who is not responsive is something beneficial to my spiritual walk, and maybe worth sharing with others. It might be that there is something blocking a fuller understanding on my part, and working through these feelings will bring clarity. Or I'll find out that it's time to move on.

I'm going to be more ... devotional? ... in my next keeping, and also really try to tune in to what is right for my path.

Thank you all for hearing me out and for your thoughtful responses.

 



Logged

~*~Colleen~*~
When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead.
http://colleenrachelle.livejournal.com/
"Let's not confuse your inability to comprehend what I do with my ability to do it."
SunflowerP
Moderator
Grand Adept Member
***
Last Login:August 04, 2020, 12:00:28 pm
Canada Canada

Religion: Eclectic Wicca-compatible religious Witch (Libertarian Witchcraft)
TCN ID: SunflowerP
Posts: 5485


Blog entries (0)

WWW
« Reply #8: March 17, 2011, 05:00:27 pm »

I am going to be sitting with these thoughts for a while. It might be that the practice of honoring a goddess who is not responsive is something beneficial to my spiritual walk, and maybe worth sharing with others. It might be that there is something blocking a fuller understanding on my part, and working through these feelings will bring clarity. Or I'll find out that it's time to move on.

I'm going to be more ... devotional? ... in my next keeping, and also really try to tune in to what is right for my path.
That sounds like a good plan.

I'll pass on adding to my previous thoughts, unless there's something you'd particularly like expansion on; I'm sitting on a computer chair whose back has departed, and typing on a keyboard I don't much like.  We're planning on doing something about the former in the next couple of days, but the latter I probably just have to put up with.

Sunflower
Logged

Don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs!
I do so have a life.  I just live part of it online.
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others
to live as one wishes to live.” - Oscar Wilde
My blog "If You Ain't Makin' Waves, You Ain't Kickin' Hard Enough", at Dreamwidth and LJ
Collinsky
Adept Member
*****
*
*
Last Login:July 03, 2011, 11:33:09 pm
United States United States

Religion: Celtic/Heathen, ADF, UU
TCN ID: Collinsky
Posts: 1026


I was made from the ninefold elements...

Blog entries (0)

Collinsky CollinskyCo
WWW

Ignore
« Reply #9: March 20, 2011, 08:39:33 pm »


I'm going to be more ... devotional? ... in my next keeping, and also really try to tune in to what is right for my path.


This last shift did not provide any earth-shattering revelations, of course, but I do have the feeling that continuing on with the Cill is what I should do.

It was helpful that my candle did not want to burn well - the wick was too short, so it kept wanting to drown in the melting wax. The result of this was that when it was first lit, I had to actually, physically tend the flame. In order to keep it alight, I had to be attentive and put some effort into it. (Not as much as, say, getting a bonfire to keep burning, but more than one expects with a candle.  Cheesy ) It was a powerful message.

The lesson was clear: like anything, I would get out of it what I put into it. It's that simple. If I cultivate the practice -- really invest -- I will reap benefits. What I will get from it will necessarily be different from what others get, but that doesn't mean it's not worthwhile for me to cultivate it.

I've recommitted myself to this, and to Her, and I am going to be receptive to what it brings into my life.

Thank you for your support and openness!

Logged

~*~Colleen~*~
When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead.
http://colleenrachelle.livejournal.com/
"Let's not confuse your inability to comprehend what I do with my ability to do it."
dragonfaerie
Coffee Goddess
Adept Member
*****
*
*
*
Last Login:July 06, 2011, 06:19:49 pm
United States United States

Religion: Witchcraft
TCN ID: dragonfaerie
Posts: 862


Priestess of the Circle of Amber Heart

Blog entries (0)

terpette terpette terpette
WWW

Ignore
« Reply #10: March 23, 2011, 07:52:16 pm »

This last shift did not provide any earth-shattering revelations, of course, but I do have the feeling that continuing on with the Cill is what I should do.

Honestly, I don't think there are many folks out there who are so close to the Gods that they are in constant communion. I've heard of such "God bothered" people and I think they're either mentally ill or delusional.

But I think all of us yearn for that sort of relationship, like we all sort of yearn to have a love story like a movie. Everyone wants that perfect Hollywood ending, but what you get is someone who will get on your nerves and try your patience and sometimes won't be there for you when or how you need them. And yet, that's real love.

Our relationships with deity can sometimes be bells and whistles and hearts and flowers and Disney princesses. But most times, it's like any other relationship. Some days it's like "Ugh, you again?" Don't let a lack of bells and whistles stop you from your work.

Though, at the same time, if you feel you're really called to be doing something else, then by all means, follow it. If you end up getting nothing out of tending the flame but an unwanted obligation, that's a big clue that you should stop, IMO.

Karen
Logged

Writings on Wicca & Witchcraft
Read my journal!
Today's Mood Forecast:
Fanboy's Convention List
Rocquelaire
Journeyman
***
Last Login:November 20, 2011, 10:55:54 am
United Kingdom United Kingdom

Religion: Solitary Religious Witch
Posts: 189


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #11: April 03, 2011, 01:21:46 pm »

I want to talk about something a bit, to try to feel it out and see if I should continue with the Cill or not.

When I read what Brighid is for many of you, for whom she is a personal and often primary deity, it's beautiful. And I know that upon reading it, many others are inspired and moved to a deeper relationship. But it's not like that for me. 

I know I'm not a Cill member and I hope no-one minds me posting. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this. I recently felt a very strong call to Brighid and have been considering joining the Cill as a way to honour Her and deepen my relationship with Her. At first the whole experience was very overwhelming and immediate but the last few weeks I haven't felt the same connection. I do feel that She's still there and that She has "claimed" me. I think maybe She is giving me some space to process what has happened so far and that the next move is mine but the lack of immediate connection the last few weeks had me doubting that I had been called at all. Your post and the responses have helped me to realise that I can honour Her in this way even if I don't hear Her all the time.
Logged
SunflowerP
Moderator
Grand Adept Member
***
Last Login:August 04, 2020, 12:00:28 pm
Canada Canada

Religion: Eclectic Wicca-compatible religious Witch (Libertarian Witchcraft)
TCN ID: SunflowerP
Posts: 5485


Blog entries (0)

WWW
« Reply #12: April 04, 2011, 07:10:48 pm »

I know I'm not a Cill member and I hope no-one minds me posting.
Not a problem, at all - people who aren't Cill members have often contributed usefully to threads in the Cill SIG.

Sunflower
Logged

Don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs!
I do so have a life.  I just live part of it online.
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others
to live as one wishes to live.” - Oscar Wilde
My blog "If You Ain't Makin' Waves, You Ain't Kickin' Hard Enough", at Dreamwidth and LJ

Donor Ad: Become a Silver or Gold Donor to get your ad here.

Tags:
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
 
Jump to:  
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

* Share this topic...
In a forum
(BBCode)
In a site/blog
(HTML)


Related Topics
Subject Started by Replies Views Last post
Lacking a connection
Magic and the Occult for Beginners
elaoin 3 2173 Last post November 01, 2007, 10:43:06 am
by rose
Looking for a God-connection
Gods, Goddesses, and Mythology
skybyrd 6 3383 Last post June 29, 2008, 07:32:55 pm
by SatAset
Maintaining the Connection
Cauldron Cill
Matrinka 3 2395 Last post February 08, 2009, 10:12:11 pm
by Aster Breo
"The Coven" Connection
Pagan Religion Book Discussions
RandallS 0 1077 Last post March 19, 2010, 02:21:53 pm
by RandallS
A connection with water
Paganism For Beginners
Jujulinda 11 3303 Last post April 21, 2011, 12:27:23 pm
by Jujulinda
EU Cookie Notice: This site uses cookies. By using this site you consent to their use.


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2008, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.077 seconds with 62 queries.