The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum (Archive Board)
April 01, 2020, 01:12:20 pm *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: This is our Read Only Archive Board (closed to posting July 2011). Join our new vBulletin board!
 
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
April 01, 2020, 01:12:20 pm

Login with username, password and session length
Donate!
The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.
TC Staff
Important Information about this Archive Board
This message board is The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum's SMF Archive Board. It is closed to new memberships and to posting, but there are over 250,000 messages here that you can still search and read -- many full of interesting and useful information. (This board was open from February 2007 through June 2011).

Our new vBulletin discussion board is located at http://www.ecauldron.com/forum/ -- if you would like to participate in discussions like those you see here, please visit our new vBulletin message board, register an account and join in our discussions. We hope you will find the information in this message archive useful and will consider joining us on our new board.
Pages: 1 [2]   Go Down
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
Author Topic: Polygamist Relationships  (Read 8511 times)
Legion
Journeyman
***
Last Login:July 09, 2011, 07:56:01 pm
Netherlands Netherlands

Religion: Norse Paganism.
Posts: 132

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #15: April 01, 2011, 01:32:43 pm »

I am in a poly relationship.

(Our working term here for "poly" is any relationship in which there are more than two participating partners, but is not an open relationship.)

I am curious as to if anyone here is in a poly relationship, what you think of them, and how it fits in to your personal beliefs.

Went a bit overboard in chat. "Excuses"

I however could never live in a Poly relationship. So it won't respond with any belittleling or anything like that. "Let love rule". I know love works in mysterious ways. But to me (And especialy if it was me and 2 women) I would feel like i was cheating on both of them at some point. Even if they agreed with it, my mind would just twist." Moving from one women to the other i would just end up feeling like i would HAVE to pick one. But that just my own psyché.

In the situation of one women 2 husbands it would be even more complicated for me. As i would consider myself the "Third wheel on the wagon" And i said in chat that i would leave with my dignity, this might not have come out right. I would let the two people (in that case ex girlfriend and her man)  live and love in peace, but i myself would feel that by staying around i would have damaged my own dignity "Once again the Psyché has a large play in this. From my own personal view in a double relationship (basicly wife with 2 men) i would feel undignified, as in i would feel as if i stood between her and the other guy. This is my mind, this doesn't mean i consider poly's have no dignity, this was misinterpreted. I would feel i would have no dignity to be in a poly relationship, as it would just feel wrong for myself. So i would do something i didn't support from the heart. I'm confusing people again. Other example, it would feel like me driving a hummer, while i'm an enviromentalist. The hummer wouldn't fit within my ideals and ideas, this doesn't mean driving a hummer means you have no dignity. It means me driving a hummer would damage my dignity in my own views. (Hope that makes sense)

As for the master slave. I can only express my own views over that, and hope i don't offend anyone on the process. I believe no one is a master, and no one should be a slave. This is partially cultural. I have a strong sense of equality. So someone voluntarily declaring themselves slave (therefor submissive) is something i simply cannot understand. If it wrong or right in their views doesn't matter to me. I mean i won't walk upto them demanding they become equal again... or however you can state that as i mean if both people or all 3 4 or 5 of them agree with this then well... an agreement is an agreement. I'm just saying i consider it a tad bit awkward. Especialy as in my culture, one would rather be dead, then to be called a slave. So my views over the word slave, are a tad bit negative, you'll have to forgive me for this.

But once again, let love rule. If all people agree there's really nothing that should undo it, especialy not by an outside party. Just in my Psyché a poly relationship would be completely imposible for me on all grounds. (Once again this doesn't mean it's wrong, it just means that in my eyes for myself to be in a poly relationship would feel wrong) (Read the hummer bit again)

Legion.
Logged

Welcome, Guest!
You will need to register and/or login to participate in our discussions.

Read our Rules and Policies and the Quoting Guidelines.

Help Fund Our Server? Donate to Lyricfox's Cancer Fund?

Thorn
Adept Member
*****
Last Login:September 05, 2012, 07:09:15 pm
United States United States

Religion: Ecclectic pagan
Posts: 838


Avatar by sp-studio.com

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #16: April 01, 2011, 01:37:19 pm »

I am curious as to if anyone here is in a poly relationship, what you think of them, and how it fits in to your personal beliefs.
My partner and I are theoretically polyamorous, though in reality we've been almost completely monogamous.  This is largely due to the fact that neither of us is interested in spending a lot of time looking for an additional relationship when we're content with what we've got.  But if the universe sends someone special our way, all the better.

While I'd be open to the "more than two people" model, the third would have to be truly remarkable.  The triad (each partner having two - or more - relationships where the partners aren't connected romantically) seems to be the most practical.

How it fits in to my personal beliefs - I think love is good in all it's forms, and we're capable of a lot more and greater love than we might have been led to believe.  However, I also believe the amount of work and honesty involved in a poly relationship increases exponentially with each partner/relationship.  Unless everyone is willing to do the work, it's best not to bother, because someone is going to get hurt.  Religiously - I don't think my gods care much one way or the other.
Logged
Collinsky
Adept Member
*****
*
*
Last Login:July 03, 2011, 11:33:09 pm
United States United States

Religion: Celtic/Heathen, ADF, UU
TCN ID: Collinsky
Posts: 1026


I was made from the ninefold elements...

Blog entries (0)

Collinsky CollinskyCo
WWW

Ignore
« Reply #17: April 01, 2011, 01:45:54 pm »

Yeah, but that relationship is "housemates".

(Hell, a lot of "marriage issues" in monogamous relationships that I've seen are actually "housemate issues".  Witness: anything that has to do with the dishes.)

I tend to distinguish between relationships and systems of relationships; systems of relationships can and do form nuclei within relationship networks, but they're not the same as relationships.  When I say "my family" I generally mean my husbands, their other wife, and our kid, but that's not the same as a group relationship.

Gotcha... that makes sense.
Logged

~*~Colleen~*~
When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead.
http://colleenrachelle.livejournal.com/
"Let's not confuse your inability to comprehend what I do with my ability to do it."
Owl
Adept Member
*****
Last Login:March 07, 2012, 02:46:28 pm
United States United States

Religion: Hedgewitch?
Posts: 1428

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #18: April 01, 2011, 04:47:55 pm »



I, and fortunately my SO, am apparently hardwired monogamous.  I have never even overlapped boyfriends.  I need to finish one relationship before I start another.  I would find it difficult to be focused on more than one lover at a time.  I don't think this is a generational thing, because my children are the same way - even though this is not something we've really talked about much.  And it isn't spiritual for me (or them).  It's just the way I am.
Logged

AntlerandHerb.com
savatage
Journeyman
***
Last Login:February 25, 2015, 02:18:02 am
Australia Australia

Religion: working on it
Posts: 105


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #19: April 01, 2011, 08:20:58 pm »

My husbands are not involved with each other just because I am involved with each of them.

I couldn't have put that any better Darkhawk. The only thing I ask of my partners in regards to each other is that they at least try to get along, though we're all good friends with each other as well so it's not much of an issue.

On a slightly unrelated note, don't quote me on this, but isn't poly illegal in America? I ask because in about 5 years the current plan is for all of us to move to there.
Logged
Melamphoros
Staff
Grand Adept Member
***
Last Login:March 28, 2015, 11:01:26 pm
United States United States

Religion: Informed Eclectic with Hellenic Overtones
TCN ID: Melamphoros
Posts: 13621


Kiss My Scythe

Blog entries (0)


« Reply #20: April 01, 2011, 08:28:56 pm »

On a slightly unrelated note, don't quote me on this, but isn't poly illegal in America? I ask because in about 5 years the current plan is for all of us to move to there.

It's illegal to be MARRIED to more than one person at a time.  Poly relationships where only two people are legally married are fine.
Logged



Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you will make a great sandwich.
My Spiritual Blog
Kasmira
Adept Member
*****
Last Login:July 29, 2017, 12:05:31 pm
United States United States

Religion: Buddhist and Daoist inspired something
TCN ID: Kasmira
Posts: 1582


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #21: April 01, 2011, 08:32:24 pm »

On a slightly unrelated note, don't quote me on this, but isn't poly illegal in America? I ask because in about 5 years the current plan is for all of us to move to there.

Polyamory, no. Polygamy, yes. That is, it's the multiple marriages part that's illegal. Rather like homosexuality is no longer a punishable offense but you still can't get married to someone of the same gender in most states. Unfortunately, polygamy activism is a ways behind same-sex marriage activism so I don't see this changing any time soon (not that same sex marriage laws seem to be changing all that fast either, grrr...).
Logged


Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss - Douglas Adams
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all - Oscar Wilde
The road to nowhere: My little foray into the blogoshpere
Darkhawk
Chief Mux Wizard
Staff
Adept Member
***
*
Last Login:January 20, 2020, 08:24:45 pm
United States United States

Religion: Kemetic Feri Discordian
Posts: 2485

Blog entries (0)

WWW
« Reply #22: April 01, 2011, 08:42:07 pm »

It's illegal to be MARRIED to more than one person at a time.  Poly relationships where only two people are legally married are fine.

Though in Utah you can also be prosecuted for being married non-legally, such as by a religious ceremony.  Not sure about anywhere else, but that's specifically in Utah as part of their ban-polygamy-so-as-to-be-accepted-into-the-US history.
Logged

HeartShadow - Cutethulhu
Assistant Board Coordinator
Senior Staff
Grand Adept Member
****
Last Login:April 15, 2013, 06:53:07 pm
United States United States

Religion: FlameKeeper
TCN ID: GenevieveWood
Posts: 8627


I am the Pirate Teddybear!

Blog entries (0)

WWW
« Reply #23: April 02, 2011, 10:21:09 am »

Polyamory, no. Polygamy, yes. That is, it's the multiple marriages part that's illegal. Rather like homosexuality is no longer a punishable offense but you still can't get married to someone of the same gender in most states. Unfortunately, polygamy activism is a ways behind same-sex marriage activism so I don't see this changing any time soon (not that same sex marriage laws seem to be changing all that fast either, grrr...).

Honestly, contract law doesn't really change much for same-sex marriages.

I think it would HAVE to change for poly relationships as done in modern day.  And that legal contract part .. well, it looks like a potential mess and a half to me, which would make it harder for the law to change on that one.
Logged




FlameKeeping website: http://www.flamekeeping.org
Darkhawk
Chief Mux Wizard
Staff
Adept Member
***
*
Last Login:January 20, 2020, 08:24:45 pm
United States United States

Religion: Kemetic Feri Discordian
Posts: 2485

Blog entries (0)

WWW
« Reply #24: April 02, 2011, 12:09:13 pm »

Honestly, contract law doesn't really change much for same-sex marriages.

It's actually a simplification, technically speaking - rather than a contract of a particular type that can be taken between a male person with legal competence and a female person with legal competence, it's a contract of a particular type that can be taken between two people with legal competence.

There is no version of polygamy that is simple, even the simplest possible case under the law (which I believe is a group marriage, and thus useless to me).
Logged

Collinsky
Adept Member
*****
*
*
Last Login:July 03, 2011, 11:33:09 pm
United States United States

Religion: Celtic/Heathen, ADF, UU
TCN ID: Collinsky
Posts: 1026


I was made from the ninefold elements...

Blog entries (0)

Collinsky CollinskyCo
WWW

Ignore
« Reply #25: April 02, 2011, 12:48:09 pm »

It's actually a simplification, technically speaking - rather than a contract of a particular type that can be taken between a male person with legal competence and a female person with legal competence, it's a contract of a particular type that can be taken between two people with legal competence.

There is no version of polygamy that is simple, even the simplest possible case under the law (which I believe is a group marriage, and thus useless to me).

A question that occurred to me -- is there any legal recourse for poly families? Anything that would allow a woman to be visited by her two husbands if she were in the ICU, for instance? Something like power of attorney...? If this is an issue that same-sex committed partners who aren't legally married face, I imagine it's much more complex for those in poly relationships.
Logged

~*~Colleen~*~
When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead.
http://colleenrachelle.livejournal.com/
"Let's not confuse your inability to comprehend what I do with my ability to do it."
Darkhawk
Chief Mux Wizard
Staff
Adept Member
***
*
Last Login:January 20, 2020, 08:24:45 pm
United States United States

Religion: Kemetic Feri Discordian
Posts: 2485

Blog entries (0)

WWW
« Reply #26: April 02, 2011, 04:26:53 pm »

A question that occurred to me -- is there any legal recourse for poly families? Anything that would allow a woman to be visited by her two husbands if she were in the ICU, for instance? Something like power of attorney...? If this is an issue that same-sex committed partners who aren't legally married face, I imagine it's much more complex for those in poly relationships.

It's complicated, but the same sorts of legal documentation that assists same-sex couples in places they can't get married can do much the same sorts of things for poly families.  The Alternatives to Marriage Project has some stuff up on the subject.

The big deal things are health care proxies, powers of attorney, and wills, especially on the latter if there are children.  (Major property stuff can be handled with trusts, but honestly I think dealing with trusts is the sort of thing that I only understand to the extent I do because I worked in a law office and may be beyond the means of some people, if only in the 'I didn't think of that' way.)
Logged

savatage
Journeyman
***
Last Login:February 25, 2015, 02:18:02 am
Australia Australia

Religion: working on it
Posts: 105


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #27: April 03, 2011, 05:08:18 am »

It's complicated, but the same sorts of legal documentation that assists same-sex couples in places they can't get married can do much the same sorts of things for poly families.  The Alternatives to Marriage Project has some stuff up on the subject.

The big deal things are health care proxies, powers of attorney, and wills, especially on the latter if there are children.  (Major property stuff can be handled with trusts, but honestly I think dealing with trusts is the sort of thing that I only understand to the extent I do because I worked in a law office and may be beyond the means of some people, if only in the 'I didn't think of that' way.)

That's really useful to know, I've thought of the issues but I have no clue how to handle any of it...
Logged
Collinsky
Adept Member
*****
*
*
Last Login:July 03, 2011, 11:33:09 pm
United States United States

Religion: Celtic/Heathen, ADF, UU
TCN ID: Collinsky
Posts: 1026


I was made from the ninefold elements...

Blog entries (0)

Collinsky CollinskyCo
WWW

Ignore
« Reply #28: April 03, 2011, 08:19:19 pm »

It's complicated, but the same sorts of legal documentation that assists same-sex couples in places they can't get married can do much the same sorts of things for poly families. 

Thanks. The Alternatives to Marriage Project site is really informative!
Logged

~*~Colleen~*~
When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead.
http://colleenrachelle.livejournal.com/
"Let's not confuse your inability to comprehend what I do with my ability to do it."

Donor Ad: Become a Silver or Gold Donor to get your ad here.

Tags:
Pages: 1 [2]   Go Up
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
 
Jump to:  
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

* Share this topic...
In a forum
(BBCode)
In a site/blog
(HTML)


Related Topics
Subject Started by Replies Views Last post
Paganism and Relationships
Paganism For Beginners
albas 7 2697 Last post January 22, 2008, 11:13:41 pm
by Jenett
Nearly 200 Taken from Texas Polygamist Compound « 1 2 ... 10 11 »
Religious News
FierFlye 162 22931 Last post May 25, 2008, 02:04:09 pm
by mandrina
Relationships With The Gods
Hazel and Oak: A Celtic Polytheism SIG
Vella Malachite 10 3317 Last post February 20, 2010, 11:57:15 pm
by Vella Malachite
Relationships with the Gods? « 1 2 3 »
Paganism For Beginners
Castus 32 10506 Last post October 01, 2010, 10:18:26 am
by Sekhmet's Servant
Can relationships with gods be...fun? « 1 2 »
Gods, Goddesses, and Mythology
Lokabrenna 19 7580 Last post April 12, 2011, 11:44:42 am
by Nehet
EU Cookie Notice: This site uses cookies. By using this site you consent to their use.


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2008, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.058 seconds with 50 queries.