The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum (Archive Board)
August 08, 2020, 02:01:05 pm *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: This is our Read Only Archive Board (closed to posting July 2011). Join our new vBulletin board!
 
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
August 08, 2020, 02:01:05 pm

Login with username, password and session length
Donate!
The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.
TC Staff
Important Information about this Archive Board
This message board is The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum's SMF Archive Board. It is closed to new memberships and to posting, but there are over 250,000 messages here that you can still search and read -- many full of interesting and useful information. (This board was open from February 2007 through June 2011).

Our new vBulletin discussion board is located at http://www.ecauldron.com/forum/ -- if you would like to participate in discussions like those you see here, please visit our new vBulletin message board, register an account and join in our discussions. We hope you will find the information in this message archive useful and will consider joining us on our new board.
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
Author Topic: First Shift  (Read 6791 times)
Rocquelaire
Journeyman
***
Last Login:November 20, 2011, 10:55:54 am
United Kingdom United Kingdom

Religion: Solitary Religious Witch
Posts: 189


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Topic Start: June 05, 2011, 02:50:16 pm »

My first Cill shift starts two hours from now and I'm starting to get nervous. What if I do something wrong and Brighid is unhappy with me? I know that I'm just being silly but I can't seem to shake my nerves at the moment.

Did any if you experience something like this before your first shift? And if you did, how did you get over it?
Logged

Welcome, Guest!
You will need to register and/or login to participate in our discussions.

Read our Rules and Policies and the Quoting Guidelines.

Help Fund Our Server? Donate to Lyricfox's Cancer Fund?

SunflowerP
Moderator
Grand Adept Member
***
Last Login:August 04, 2020, 12:00:28 pm
Canada Canada

Religion: Eclectic Wicca-compatible religious Witch (Libertarian Witchcraft)
TCN ID: SunflowerP
Posts: 5485


Blog entries (0)

WWW
« Reply #1: June 05, 2011, 05:39:57 pm »

My first Cill shift starts two hours from now and I'm starting to get nervous. What if I do something wrong and Brighid is unhappy with me? I know that I'm just being silly but I can't seem to shake my nerves at the moment.

Did any if you experience something like this before your first shift? And if you did, how did you get over it?
I don't remember having specific pre-first-shift nerves - it was a while ago, since I've been in the Cill since it started.  I think that, by the time we'd worked out just how we wanted to do this, set up the roster, and started the first cycle, I'd got to a point where I was more happy/excited/eager.

But, oh my, did I have trepidations about whether becoming involved at all was the right thing for me!  Originally, all I did was state a very tentative interest - at that point, I was working with a number of deities from several cultures, not yet cohered into a personal pantheon; Brigid was one of those deities, but her only claim to any sort of primacy was that I'd been invoking (the call-to-be-present-in-ritual sort, not Drawing Down) her in formal ritual the longest... but only once a year.  (You can, correctly, infer from that that my first formalized ritual was Brigidfeast.)  So - assuming she'd been accepting those ritual invites, which I wasn't necessarily certain about - she knew who I was, but that's about it.  It did feel like time to have something more regularized in my practices, and "once every 20 days" didn't sound overwhelming - but was this the right regular devotion for me?

But the others involved in starting the Cill seemed to take my interest as more definite than I'd intended to imply, and I felt like they were counting on me - oh, not so much that, if it had felt actually wrong, I'd have felt like I couldn't bow out; I knew they'd be fine with that.  But to begin with we didn't have a full roster; quite a few people were taking two shifts (by the time we got to our chosen date to begin, we'd picked up more people, and only two or three had two shifts - but by then I was feeling more confident).  So I figured I'd stick around for a few cycles, at least until we got more than 19 members.

As is no doubt obvious, it was indeed the right choice, and I sometimes think the others' perception that I was more definite was Brigid's hand at work, giving me the extra nudge I needed.  My shifts are primarily Brigid's, but not exclusively; she made it clear very early that the Work I did need not, and would not, be solely for her - one of the effects was that my Cill involvement played a role in the coalescing of my personal pantheon (that is, it's a pantheon - a thematic rather than cultural one - because they interact with each other as well as with me).  Another, naturally enough, is that I'm much closer to her - not as strong a devotion as to my two primary patrons, but the next level "down".

More relevantly to you, I discovered very early that she has a broad definition of what counts as "her Work", and that it's very difficult to do something wrong - I've the advantage of having an above-average capacity for direct interaction, so asking her, and getting a strong enough sense of response that it felt like a reliable guide, was possible.  But from what other Cill members have said, that's not necessary; she finds ways to nudge us so that we can avoid the kind of screwing-up that would make her unhappy.  (I say "can", because we're human and fallible and often stubborn, and sometimes don't follow the nudges - but she knows that human-type people are like that, and is a forgiving sort of Lady.)

Wow, when I started to reply, it was a few minutes before your shift started, and I foolishly hoped I'd hit post before it did - instead, I've written you a novel!  I hope it's helpful enough to compensate for its lack of timeliness.

Sunflower
Logged

Don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs!
I do so have a life.  I just live part of it online.
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others
to live as one wishes to live.” - Oscar Wilde
My blog "If You Ain't Makin' Waves, You Ain't Kickin' Hard Enough", at Dreamwidth and LJ
MadHouseWitch
Senior Apprentice
**
Last Login:August 22, 2016, 07:07:41 pm
United States United States

Religion: Pagan
Posts: 58

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #2: June 06, 2011, 02:50:08 am »

I don't remember having specific pre-first-shift nerves - it was a while ago, since I've been in the Cill since it started.  I think that, by the time we'd worked out just how we wanted to do this, set up the roster, and started the first cycle, I'd got to a point where I was more happy/excited/eager.

But, oh my, did I have trepidations about whether becoming involved at all was the right thing for me! 
*snip*

I too think that I was really excited to start.  Basically the same thing Sunflower said, I joined TC and saw the cill and thought it would be a good idea.  I stewed for days, much like I am doing right now thinking about joining up with ADF.... I am really looking forward to my next shift though I have some ideas for this one and I am really excited to see how it goes.

Now my main issue is that I dont share as much as I would like to on how my shifts go and the like, mainly I think because something may seem important to me, but I dont feel like it needs to be shared?  IDK  I did have a point where I thought about quitting, but I had just lost my focus and I am glad that I held on... And there have been a time or two where I plum forgot! *EEK*  I refuse to feel too terrible since virtual flames are ok here and I have a flame on my PC desktop, and and piece of red tissue paper under my cauldron altar to be an eternal flame (since it IS supposed to be a Brighid altar) I felt I needed some sort of representation there.  But still when I forget I dont like it... a few times I have had to be out of the house and could not have a flame so that has played into factors as well.  I have on my list of things to do to crochet/knit a "candle" or to buy a flameless so that I can have some sort of thing going for those times.
Logged
Rocquelaire
Journeyman
***
Last Login:November 20, 2011, 10:55:54 am
United Kingdom United Kingdom

Religion: Solitary Religious Witch
Posts: 189


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #3: June 07, 2011, 03:40:39 pm »

Wow, when I started to reply, it was a few minutes before your shift started, and I foolishly hoped I'd hit post before it did - instead, I've written you a novel!  I hope it's helpful enough to compensate for its lack of timeliness.

It was very helpful so thank you for the novel Cheesy.

I think I managed not to do anything wrong. At least I didn't hear Brighid saying "don't do that dopey!" lol. I felt that She was nudging me to join in the first place so I guess I should have had more faith that everything would be fine.

I started by lighting my candles and offering a prayer which flowed very freely from me. That in itself is unusual - I usually have to work hard at focussing when I pray. I made an offering to Her of fruit and sparkling water which She seemed pleased with. I spent the rest of the evening reading "The Rites of Brigid: Goddess and Saint" which I just received so that seemed appropriate. At bed time I had to put out my real candle but I left a battery operated one lit for the full shift.

Yesterday I had to work through the day so I just made a special effort to be mindful of Her while doing so. I think my work is something that might interest Her. I work with an organisation who compensates innocent victims of violent crime. I see some social justice in that so I think it might be fitting.

When I got home I relit my real candle, read some more, made some notes and ordered a Brighid's Cross from Etsy to wear during my future shifts. I found that at sunset I was reluctant to extinguish my flame so I said a brief prayer passing the tending to the next person but kept my candle lit until bedtime.

Nothing huge happened but I did feel Her presence and I think She was satisfied with my efforts. Also, I haven't been feeling very well for the last few days and while that didn't stop I did get some suggestions about what might be causing it, with several people suggesting the same thing so I wondered if that could be Her giving me a hint. However, the thing most people suggested may just be the most obvious assumption so I'm not attaching too much significance to that.

Anyway, now that I've bored you senseless lol thanks again for your response. It did reassure me Cheesy
Logged
Aster Breo
SIG Coordinator
Staff
Grand Adept Member
***
Last Login:January 29, 2013, 09:32:22 pm
United States United States

Religion: Feral Brighideach
TCN ID: Aster Breo
Posts: 5260


Avatar byJuni & Dania

Blog entries (0)


« Reply #4: June 08, 2011, 01:14:50 am »

I started by lighting my candles and offering a prayer which flowed very freely from me. That in itself is unusual - I usually have to work hard at focussing when I pray. I made an offering to Her of fruit and sparkling water which She seemed pleased with. I spent the rest of the evening reading "The Rites of Brigid: Goddess and Saint" which I just received so that seemed appropriate. At bed time I had to put out my real candle but I left a battery operated one lit for the full shift.

Yesterday I had to work through the day so I just made a special effort to be mindful of Her while doing so. I think my work is something that might interest Her. I work with an organisation who compensates innocent victims of violent crime. I see some social justice in that so I think it might be fitting.

When I got home I relit my real candle, read some more, made some notes and ordered a Brighid's Cross from Etsy to wear during my future shifts. I found that at sunset I was reluctant to extinguish my flame so I said a brief prayer passing the tending to the next person but kept my candle lit until bedtime.

Nothing huge happened but I did feel Her presence and I think She was satisfied with my efforts.

When I first started keeping Brighid's flame, I was diligent about always planning work that I could clearly think of as "Her work" -- lots of reading, posting to people who were interested in Brighid, things like that.  More recently, thanks to my health issues, I can't read much.  So I find myself casting about for other ways of doing Her work.  Occasionally, circumstances arrange themselves so I'm doing something creative, like working on a lighting design.  More often than not, I'm actively struggling with my usual debilitating headache, and, therefore, not doing much more than staying aware that it's my shift and praying.

And that's OK.

I can't really speak to what Brighid will find acceptable for anyone else, but I do know without a doubt that She is willing to meet me halfway, and that She doesn't expect more of me than I am able to give at this time.

For some reason, writing this has unlocked a huge well of emotion for me.  I want so badly to be able to re-read the books that help me feel closer to Her, to have the physical ability to sustain a meditation long enough to make contact with Her, to be able to look at a computer screen long enough to capture the ideas I have for a structured practiced focused on Her.  It hurts so much to not be able to do that.  And then I get into this stupid cyclical thought pattern where I start blaming myself:  If I just *tried* harder, surely I'd be able to do these things.  It's very difficult to accept that, no matter how much therapy I do, I will likely never be the same person I was before that damned brain injury.

Anyway...  I guess that was a bit of a tangent.  Sorry.  (I'm not going to delete it, though, because it might be useful for someone else reading this.  Ya never know.  Wink  )

What I meant to be saying was that I think you'll find that shifts are different from person to person, and even from shift to shift.  I believe the most important aspect is the mindfulness that you have the responsibility of keeping Brighid's flame for that period of time.  That sounds self-evident, but it's actually very easy to forget after you've been doing it for a while. 

You'll figure out what works for you.   Cheesy

Which Brighid's cross did you buy?

~ Aster


Logged

"The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."  ~ George Bernard Shaw
Rocquelaire
Journeyman
***
Last Login:November 20, 2011, 10:55:54 am
United Kingdom United Kingdom

Religion: Solitary Religious Witch
Posts: 189


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #5: June 08, 2011, 02:50:33 pm »


For some reason, writing this has unlocked a huge well of emotion for me.  I want so badly to be able to re-read the books that help me feel closer to Her, to have the physical ability to sustain a meditation long enough to make contact with Her, to be able to look at a computer screen long enough to capture the ideas I have for a structured practiced focused on Her.  It hurts so much to not be able to do that.  And then I get into this stupid cyclical thought pattern where I start blaming myself:  If I just *tried* harder, surely I'd be able to do these things.  It's very difficult to accept that, no matter how much therapy I do, I will likely never be the same person I was before that damned brain injury.

I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you. I think you are very brave and the amount of time you've spent talking to me about Brighid and helping me to find my feet on her path despite the things that get in your way truly honours Her. I can't speak for Her of course but I would think that She would be proud of you.
Quote
You'll figure out what works for you.   Cheesy

I think I will figure it out and I'm sure Brighid will nudge me in the right direction. I think the fact that I sincerely want to do Her work and honour Her and I'm willing to research and put thought into means I probably won't go too far wrong. I hope anyway lol.

Quote
Which Brighid's cross did you buy?

It's this one: http://ny-image0.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.246146088.jpg
what do you think?



[/quote]
Logged
Aster Breo
SIG Coordinator
Staff
Grand Adept Member
***
Last Login:January 29, 2013, 09:32:22 pm
United States United States

Religion: Feral Brighideach
TCN ID: Aster Breo
Posts: 5260


Avatar byJuni & Dania

Blog entries (0)


« Reply #6: June 08, 2011, 04:20:55 pm »


Oh, that's Keith's cross!  I have a gorgeous obsidian ring made by him.  He's great!

I do like that cross.  It's on my "wish list" -- but I already have several Brighid's crosses, so it's tough to justify spending money on yet another one.  Although Keith's is very reasonably priced.

Let me know what you think of it when you get it.

~ Aster
Logged

"The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."  ~ George Bernard Shaw
Rocquelaire
Journeyman
***
Last Login:November 20, 2011, 10:55:54 am
United Kingdom United Kingdom

Religion: Solitary Religious Witch
Posts: 189


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #7: June 21, 2011, 02:24:51 pm »

Let me know what you think of it when you get it.

It arrived today which I thought was nice timing. It's beautiful, very delicate. It has a lovely feel to it, energetically as well as physically. I love it Cheesy
Logged
Gillyflower
Journeyman
***
Last Login:February 19, 2017, 02:49:46 pm
United Kingdom United Kingdom

Religion: Dark Paganism
Posts: 194


I do what my M&Ms tell me to.

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #8: June 29, 2011, 05:36:09 am »

It arrived today which I thought was nice timing. It's beautiful, very delicate. It has a lovely feel to it, energetically as well as physically. I love it Cheesy

That's a lovely piece. I want one too (preferably this one), but the prices of the fairly pretty ones are beyond my means. Sad
Logged

~Know this, and let it somewhat raise your spite,
Through darkness diamonds spread their richest light.~
Rocquelaire
Journeyman
***
Last Login:November 20, 2011, 10:55:54 am
United Kingdom United Kingdom

Religion: Solitary Religious Witch
Posts: 189


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #9: June 29, 2011, 11:06:11 am »

That's a lovely piece. I want one too (preferably this one), but the prices of the fairly pretty ones are beyond my means. Sad

It's lovely but it is a bit pricey. Even with shipping to Scotland mine was a really reasonable price. I bought it to wear on my shifts but every time I look
at it I want to put it on lol
Logged
Aster Breo
SIG Coordinator
Staff
Grand Adept Member
***
Last Login:January 29, 2013, 09:32:22 pm
United States United States

Religion: Feral Brighideach
TCN ID: Aster Breo
Posts: 5260


Avatar byJuni & Dania

Blog entries (0)


« Reply #10: June 29, 2011, 10:46:19 pm »

I bought it to wear on my shifts but every time I look at it I want to put it on lol

Why don't you?
Logged

"The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."  ~ George Bernard Shaw
Rocquelaire
Journeyman
***
Last Login:November 20, 2011, 10:55:54 am
United Kingdom United Kingdom

Religion: Solitary Religious Witch
Posts: 189


Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #11: July 01, 2011, 02:05:22 pm »

Why don't you?

I think because I had intended it to be purely for wearing during shifts. Especially when I have to be at work I wanted to have something to keep me mindful during that time. I'm concerned that if I wear it all the time then it'll become just another piece of jewellery and won't serve to keep me mindful. Maybe I'm wrong and it would make me mindful everytime I wear it. I am often guilty of over-thinking things lol.  
Logged
Aster Breo
SIG Coordinator
Staff
Grand Adept Member
***
Last Login:January 29, 2013, 09:32:22 pm
United States United States

Religion: Feral Brighideach
TCN ID: Aster Breo
Posts: 5260


Avatar byJuni & Dania

Blog entries (0)


« Reply #12: July 01, 2011, 10:36:33 pm »

I think because I had intended it to be purely for wearing during shifts. Especially when I have to be at work I wanted to have something to keep me mindful during that time. I'm concerned that if I wear it all the time then it'll become just another piece of jewellery and won't serve to keep me mindful. Maybe I'm wrong and it would make me mindful everytime I wear it. I am often guilty of over-thinking things lol.  

I was just curious.   Smiley  Different things work for different people, of course.

I do the same thing with one of my symbol pendants.  I wear a Brighid's cross all the time.  Usually, I wear my large, simple, woven silver wire pendant, but I also have four smaller B's crosses of various styles that are symbols for specific aspects of my journey.  Sometimes I wear those as pendants and sometimes as charms on a bracelet.  I find that I'm much more aware of them when they're on a bracelet than I am when they're on a necklace chain.

But I have a different pendant that I wear during my shifts.  That one is made up of four smaller charms, including a silver bell that chimes every time I move.  It does a fantastic job of keeping me mindful of my shift.  Wink

~ Aster
Logged

"The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."  ~ George Bernard Shaw

Donor Ad: Become a Silver or Gold Donor to get your ad here.

Tags:
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
 
Jump to:  
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

* Share this topic...
In a forum
(BBCode)
In a site/blog
(HTML)


Related Topics
Subject Started by Replies Views Last post
Cill Shift Schedule « 1 2 ... 51 52 »
Cauldron Cill
Aster Breo 776 118683 Last post June 29, 2011, 06:25:29 pm
by MadHouseWitch
Shift Experiences « 1 2 ... 6 7 »
Cauldron Cill
Garnet 104 37291 Last post July 10, 2010, 12:44:38 pm
by SunflowerP
First Shift--What to do? « 1 2 »
Cauldron Cill
Dania 18 8537 Last post January 31, 2008, 05:23:04 am
by Dania
TC Cill Group Shift for Beltaine?
Cauldron Cill
Aster Breo 4 2851 Last post April 30, 2009, 10:11:17 pm
by SunflowerP
Third Shift.
Family Life
Satsekhem 7 3484 Last post December 26, 2009, 08:30:32 pm
by Monica M.
EU Cookie Notice: This site uses cookies. By using this site you consent to their use.


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2008, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.056 seconds with 55 queries.