Should I date my stepbrother?

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[Tiki]

This is gonna sound like a weird question, but...

Earlier today, my stepbrother came over to look at a car my dad gave me. While he was here he told me he's getting a divorce. I told him that if he ever wants to just get out of the house and vent to someone, he should call me and we can go grab a beer... and after he left I realized that under any other circumstances, that would sound like a date.

We weren't raised together... our parents married when we were about 15 and we've run into each other once or twice a year at most since then. But there's always been a vibe between us, and we're both single again, or about to be... I've always been slightly disturbed by the fact that I find him attractive, but I was thinking about it after he left, and wondering if it's really a problem? I'm not sure what to think about it.

Because I think I just asked my stepbrother out on a date...

[SunflowerP]

Because I think I just asked my stepbrother out on a date...

I don't think you did - you could say the exact same thing to your genetic brother, or to a gal pal, or I suspect even to him if there weren't that "vibe", and wouldn't give it a second thought.

The only thing that puts it into "oo, it must be a date" territory, it seems to me, is the prevalent misconception that two people of different sexes, who are not closely related by blood or by being raised as close relatives, cannot possibly "just" be friends.

Seems to me that, insofar as there's an issue here, it's that you two "have a vibe", but that you have just enough sense of brother/sister relationship that it feels weird to you.

Sunflower

[Tiki]

I don't think you did - you could say the exact same thing to your genetic brother, or to a gal pal, or I suspect even to him if there weren't that "vibe", and wouldn't give it a second thought.

The only thing that puts it into "oo, it must be a date" territory, it seems to me, is the prevalent misconception that two people of different sexes, who are not closely related by blood or by being raised as close relatives, cannot possibly "just" be friends.

Seems to me that, insofar as there's an issue here, it's that you two "have a vibe", but that you have just enough sense of brother/sister relationship that it feels weird to you.

Sunflower

I guess it's just that, given that vibe, I wonder if it's a good idea to actually go out and have a beer with him... and further, should I ignore that vibe, or should I roll with it? If his mother hadn't married my father, I wouldn't even have that question... but for the last 25 years, he's been my "stepbrother", so it creates a different context, even though we met as adults.

[FierFlye]

Earlier today, my stepbrother came over to look at a car my dad gave me. While he was here he told me he's getting a divorce. I told him that if he ever wants to just get out of the house and vent to someone, he should call me and we can go grab a beer... and after he left I realized that under any other circumstances, that would sound like a date.

Like Sunflower said, I don't think that asking someone to have a beer is necessarily a date. I have multiple guy friends I go have a beer with, it's just time with a friend.

As for the dating, I think maybe you should hold off on any kind physical stuff and flirting for now. 1, he's in the process of getting a divorce, which means a, he's still married, and b, he may very well not be in a healthy state of mind for dating just yet.
2, how would he feel about dating his step-sister? You wouldn't want to make a move and then find out he's disgusted by the idea.

So, I say, don't pursue any kind of romantic relationship just yet. Hang out as friends, build a relationship, proceed with caution.

[RandallS]

Earlier today, my stepbrother came over to look at a car my dad gave me. While he was here he told me he's getting a divorce. I told him that if he ever wants to just get out of the house and vent to someone, he should call me and we can go grab a beer... and after he left I realized that under any other circumstances, that would sound like a date.

It wouldn't necessarily to me. The majority of my friends for most of my life have been female. If everything like your suggestion were considered a date I went on a heck of a lot of "dates" where neither person involved knew it was a date.

We weren't raised together... our parents married when we were about 15 and we've run into each other once or twice a year at most since then. But there's always been a vibe between us, and we're both single again, or about to be... I've always been slightly disturbed by the fact that I find him attractive, but I was thinking about it after he left, and wondering if it's really a problem?

Personally, I don't think so, but I also don't think you just asked your stepbrother out on a date.

[mhorighan]

I don't think the Lord and Lady would approve.  Just my opinion.

This is gonna sound like a weird question, but...

Earlier today, my stepbrother came over to look at a car my dad gave me. While he was here he told me he's getting a divorce. I told him that if he ever wants to just get out of the house and vent to someone, he should call me and we can go grab a beer... and after he left I realized that under any other circumstances, that would sound like a date.

We weren't raised together... our parents married when we were about 15 and we've run into each other once or twice a year at most since then. But there's always been a vibe between us, and we're both single again, or about to be... I've always been slightly disturbed by the fact that I find him attractive, but I was thinking about it after he left, and wondering if it's really a problem? I'm not sure what to think about it.

Because I think I just asked my stepbrother out on a date...

[Ellen M.]

I don't think the Lord and Lady would approve.  Just my opinion.

Can I ask why? Also, I'm not sure that Tiki follows a Lord and a Lady, though zie might.

[Melamphoros]

I don't think the Lord and Lady would approve.  Just my opinion.

Well, they're ones to talk given that they are mother and son as well as husband and wife.

[Ellen M.]

Well, they're ones to talk given that they are mother and son as well as husband and wife.

So were Hera and Zeus, Freya and Freyr... divine incest is all the rage, don't you know.

[Darkhawk]

So were Hera and Zeus, Freya and Freyr...

Nah, those are siblings.  Totes different.

(Ahem.)

[Ellen M.]

Nah, those are siblings.  Totes different.

(Ahem.)

Whoops, my bad. I shouldn't post about incest late at night, clearly.

[mhorighan]

Can I ask why? Also, I'm not sure that Tiki follows a Lord and a Lady, though zie might.

Well if she doesn't follow them I guess it doesn't make any difference but it seems really weird and like something that gods wouldn't approve of.  

[Tiki]

Like Sunflower said, I don't think that asking someone to have a beer is necessarily a date. I have multiple guy friends I go have a beer with, it's just time with a friend.

As for the dating, I think maybe you should hold off on any kind physical stuff and flirting for now. 1, he's in the process of getting a divorce, which means a, he's still married, and b, he may very well not be in a healthy state of mind for dating just yet.
2, how would he feel about dating his step-sister? You wouldn't want to make a move and then find out he's disgusted by the idea.

So, I say, don't pursue any kind of romantic relationship just yet. Hang out as friends, build a relationship, proceed with caution.

Oh, I definitely wouldn't make a move! No way. Just thinking... if things started to look like they might go in that direction, what do I do? And yes, with the divorce... plus, I'm freshly broken up and still in love with my ex. So it would be a while even if it looked like it was going down that road.

[Tiki]

I don't think the Lord and Lady would approve.  Just my opinion.

I only worship a lady, and I'm pretty sure that if anyone would approve it would be her, actually...

[Tiki]

Can I ask why? Also, I'm not sure that Tiki follows a Lord and a Lady, though zie might.

You're spot-on. 

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