Things CATS Must Try To Remember!

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[LyricFox]

From one of my Devon Rex mailing lists:



Things CATS Must Try To Remember!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yowling at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase
leaves.

If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay
there until I get hungry.

The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him
constantly.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl
at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files".

Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely
tail.

No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are
not cat toys.

If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in
groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by
swatting bits of it all over the floor or by picking it up and shaking
it from side to side

I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and
meowing complainingly at it will not bring it any closer.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it
all dissolves in the boiling coffee.

The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its
bowl.

If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a
piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not
freak out every time I see it.

I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail
fluffed up will not make my balls grow back.

If I must give a present to my humans's overnight guests, my toy mouse
is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't
as tasty.

Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them!

If I want to keep all nine of my lives, balloons are NOT meant to
be used as scratching posts.

[catherine]

Things CATS Must Try To Remember!

Also, breakfast is never served at 4:00am. Pawing at my human's face won't change that. It will only make her grumpy.

[Inca]

Cats, such.. (what is the word here? weird? amazing?) creatures. They are such an intriguing combination between masters of the luxuries of modern life (indoor heating, using furniture to its fullest, opening fridges, using water taps for drinking), being utterly domesticated (or well, at least loving to live with human servants and being pet and served on cue), and totally wild. Between utterly cute and totally cruel. Between very smart and manipulative, and totally silly and dumb.

[Morag]

If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in
groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

This one is the best. 

[veggiewolf]

Also, breakfast is never served at 4:00am. Pawing at my human's face won't change that. It will only make her grumpy.

My miaow for ice hockey sounds remarkably like my miaow for food to my human's ears.  It is natural for her to be confused.

[catherine]

My miaow for ice hockey sounds remarkably like my miaow for food to my human's ears.  It is natural for her to be confused.

Your feline overlord likes ice hockey?

Mine is very fond of roller derby.

[veggiewolf]

Your feline overlord likes ice hockey?

Mine is very fond of roller derby.

Yes.  Our youngest one, Zaphod Beeblebrox AKA Beeble is fond of ice hockey and will often go to the freezer door and stretch up it to ask for ice cubes.  We are then expected to play with him.

[catherine]

Yes.  Our youngest one, Zaphod Beeblebrox AKA Beeble is fond of ice hockey and will often go to the freezer door and stretch up it to ask for ice cubes.  We are then expected to play with him.

That's hilarious!

For some reason I thought you were talking about watching hockey on tv. There are some things that will get Maia's attention. She actually watched the entire movie Whip It with us. So, I concluded that she must like roller derby.

[victoreia]

Also, breakfast is never served at 4:00am. Pawing at my human's face won't change that. It will only make her grumpy.

THIS! And.....

Just because the birds are awake do not mean it's breakfast time. The human doesn't care what the birds say!

[Waterfall]

For some reason I thought you were talking about watching hockey on tv. There are some things that will get Maia's attention. She actually watched the entire movie Whip It with us. So, I concluded that she must like roller derby.

That would be my cat - she'll actually watch hockey games with me. Not all the time, but I'll catch her watching the TV once in a while when I'm watching a game. It's great because she doesn't freak out when we scream and cheer. She just sits there calmly, watching the screen and giving the humans dirty looks for being so loud.

[Melamphoros]

Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them!

THIS!  One of my feline overlords likes to go into a corner (or sometimes another room) and start howling at the top of his lungs until someone yells at him.

[OpenHands]

Humping shoes is not an acceptable thing to do when company is over.  In fact, it's not acceptable, period. 

When you try to lay on my head in the middle of the night, I am going to gently push you off.  Growling in frustration and spraying anal gland secretions into hubby's face is NOT OK. 

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