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Author Topic: I was a Pagan wack-job.  (Read 18700 times)
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« Topic Start: March 19, 2007, 01:38:38 am »

Pagan wack-jobs. They troll our boards and steal our TV time, living in their own little worlds. We all like to pass around a good story about self-proclaimed witch queens and Atlantean Dolphin Masters. But I sometimes wonder exactly how many of us have been there.

I say this because I myself was once totally, completely, straight up batshit crazy. Ok, well, maybe that's a harsh way of saying it, but I was definitely living in my own little world, designing personal epics to make myself feel special. Just like the "what if this is all a dream?" or the "what if I'm gay?" question, I think there comes a time in every person's life when they ask themselves, "what if I'm the second coming of Christ?" Only for me, it was, "what if I'm the last incarnation of Vishnu? Vishnu's much cooler than Jesus..." And my self-esteem was just low enough that I decided to go ahead and run with that. It didn't matter that I was female, raised Catholic, and Puerto Rican. I needed to believe.

I did constantly question this belief throughout, which I guess could mean that I wasn't deluded in the traditional, clinical sense - and that might be the difference between someone like me (who eventually came to her senses) and someone like the Heaven's Gate leader. But still, it was a bad place to be in.

So I wonder how many here may have been in a similar place, and how they got themselves out of it. Was it an adolescent thing that you grew out of? Did someone, mortal or divine, snap you out of it? Does anyone have any similarly ridiculous stories to share? I mean...I can't be the only one, right? ::laughs nervously::

(Pre-emptive Note: This isn't meant as a criticism of the Pagan community...however, I do think that certain New Age ideas (like how everyone has a spirit guide and everyone has a special purpose on earth) can have a tendency to feed our egos in the worst ways, producing countless ex-Cleopatras and Second Comings. Not that other religious systems don't have similar traps to fall into. Tibetan monks must be willing to "risk madness and death" to follow the Buddha...and I think the same might be true for the rest of us. Wink )
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Thessaly: It's time to draw down the moon.
Foxglove: We did this. Or something like this. We had water and salt, not blood. We invoked the goddess in her aspect as the moon. We called down her power...
Thessaly: Did she answer you?
Foxglove: Well, it felt good at the time. Empowering.
Thessaly: Hmph.

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« Reply #1: March 19, 2007, 07:13:41 am »

Pagan wack-jobs. They troll our boards and steal our TV time, living in their own little worlds. We all like to pass around a good story about self-proclaimed witch queens and Atlantean Dolphin Masters. But I sometimes wonder exactly how many of us have been there.

I was part of a group of friends in college that was CONVINCED that they were central (okay, we, I kinda believed it too) to some kind of world rebirth/transformation.  There was male/female matched sets and four elements and all kinds of symbolic nonsense.

I don't remember the details, but I know even at the time thinking that it was awfully convenient and centered around two very egocentric and possibly truly insane women that started circling around each other.  Everything centered on them.  Everything had cosmic import.

It was all very crazy.  Turned me off of Pagans for quite some time 'cause I was afraid of finding more people like them!
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« Reply #2: March 19, 2007, 07:46:57 am »


So I wonder how many here may have been in a similar place, and how they got themselves out of it. Was it an adolescent thing that you grew out of? Did someone, mortal or divine, snap you out of it? Does anyone have any similarly ridiculous stories to share? I mean...I can't be the only one, right? ::laughs nervously::


I've always been the wet blanket.  I had a friend my sophomore year of high school who was absolutely persuaded she was a sanguinary vampire.  I think we hung out a whole twice, and after that she got scary stalker like fixated on me because I did her hair and let her borrow a bunch of my clothes.  She tole me we were in the same "clan" together, and sisters in a previous life. 

She mistook this for borrowing my life and started chasing around after my boyfriend who I was in the break ups with.

So I threatened to kick her arse.   Tongue  Funny she was suddenly less a powerful *vamp* and more like hiding inside her house while her mother stood on the front porch waving a baseball bat.  Just not very sporting, if I do say so meself.

Last I saw she and the guy were sitting on the concrete in front of a movie theater cutting each other, so I guess we'll call it a near miss.

The *we're special people who will change the world and fix everything* thing is pretty common to most college students.  I usually clash with people who feel that way.  Especially if they've been reading Marx.  Doubly so if they enjoyed reading Marx.

I think my psycho-pagan phase was limited to bad history (fluffy goddess girl, 16-20) and a pseudo-satanic phase.(12-14)  Mostly because I was being called it so often, that I finally said alright.  Well if I'm not Christian I'm going to hell.  Thus I shall make it worth being called such.  More because I didn't know there were other options at that point than anything else.
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« Reply #3: March 19, 2007, 08:30:32 am »

So I wonder how many here may have been in a similar place, and how they got themselves out of it. Was it an adolescent thing that you grew out of? Did someone, mortal or divine, snap you out of it? Does anyone have any similarly ridiculous stories to share? I mean...I can't be the only one, right? ::laughs nervously::

I never seriously thought of myself as special in that sign, but like most teens I KNEW I was going to be the one to change the world in some major way and wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what I was going to change, etc. I think something like this is a stage most people go though.
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« Reply #4: March 19, 2007, 09:06:55 am »

Alright, I'll admit it. I hang in groups like this. Now, from a different perspective, some of them are straight up whack-jobs and some of them aren't. Some of them have normal lives, hold down normal jobs and flourish here, without feeling like they are *special* or *better* than anyone else, just that they are different. I see no problem with this.

I know a group who believes that they are *more powerful than the gods* and that THEY ALONE have the duty to save the world from the apocalyptic war. Roll Eyes Anyone who wants to do anything has to go through THEM first. Roll Eyes Yea. Whack job extraordinaries. I might also add that they either can't, or don't choose to live a decent life in the real world, instead choosing to beg, scheme, and con their way through life. There are a few on the outside of the group who have good jobs, or are seeking to further their education, and question the "core members" of the group preferring to make their own decisions, and I do have a lot of respect for those few.

My favorite 'Kin Flake of them all was a troll who visited a forum that's since gone *way* under. He tried to convince us that he was a *physical demon*. Complete with *physical demon powers*. Such as moving three ton boulders without effort. When asked to prove that he could do these things he said he would, but because we were not ready we would not be able to see him do these things, even though he was doing them right in front of us. Cheesy
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« Reply #5: March 19, 2007, 09:27:06 am »

I never seriously thought of myself as special in that sign, but like most teens I KNEW I was going to be the one to change the world in some major way and wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what I was going to change, etc. I think something like this is a stage most people go though.

Oh, yeah.  I was going to be the next Emily Dickinson, I think.  Right down to the reclusiveness and no one appreciating my poetry until after I was dead; I was a very angsty teen in my own way.  Grin

I was fortunately at the tail end of my teens when I first became remotely interested in Paganism, and just barely out of them when I started seriously considering it as a religious choice, so I think I managed to miss most of the dwama.  (And I mean no offense to teens here.  Not all teens are like this, I know.  There are some very mature and intelligent teenagers, some of whome we've even been lucky enough to attract as regular posters here.  It's just that the dwama and angst are also, unfortunately, common traits among teens and Paganism in general seems to feed those things where they exist.)

I did go through a bit of a fluffy stage, but I think that's probably common to new Pagans as well.  (Again, not universal, just common.)
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« Reply #6: March 19, 2007, 09:39:23 am »

Pagan wack-jobs.

I used to hang, willingly, with Pagan wack-jobs.  Still do on occassion.

The first one believed that The Craft (movie) was real, and was dead-set on repeating it.  Oh did he have the stories about ouija boards and ghosts - or demons, he was never quite sure which - and about how I was an integral piece to his own destiny. There was NEVER anything beyond friendship between us, so it was not some strange ploy for sex.  He was very fun to talk to and hang out with.  Wacked, but fun.

And then there was the online forum full of "Spiritual but not Religious" wack-jobs.  Somebody would post some bizarre insight they had during a meditation or a dream (or driving through a cemetary), and no fewer than a half-dozen others would corroborate, exclaiming "me, too! Me, too!"  We had a couple scions of Jesus Christ hanging around.  Famous Archangels would frequently possess the forum regulars and post messages.  They were fun, too, for a while.  Then things got a little silly and ridiculous, especially when they started talking about some upcoming astralplane war we were all supposed to fight in.  I wasn't biting.  It was when the famous Archangels started posting about and to me and how much of a fascist meanie poo-poo head I was being, and everybody started putting me into boxes to pray for me, I decided it was high time I left.  REALLY wacked, but fun for a while.

The Pagans I hang with now aren't quite nearly so wacked.  I've made a conscious decision to cut down on the drama in my life, so when somebody starts showing symptoms of wacked-ness, I bow out politely and find someplace else to go.

Sometimes I miss it and poke my head back in the high drama wack-job filled areas.  But I am rarely welcome for long because I tend to bring my nail gun with me and attempt to nail people's feet down to the floor.  When they start putting me in boxes to pray for me, and channeling goddesses and archangels and those deities know me by name -- that's when I decide I've had enough of the drama, and head back out again.

Wack-jobs give you plenty of stuff to talk about.  Look at me! It's been nearly seven years, and I'm STILL talking about the scions of Christ channeling Archangels!!
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« Reply #7: March 19, 2007, 12:51:23 pm »



So I wonder how many here may have been in a similar place, and how they got themselves out of it. Was it an adolescent thing that you grew out of? Did someone, mortal or divine, snap you out of it? Does anyone have any similarly ridiculous stories to share? I mean...I can't be the only one, right? ::laughs nervously::


When I first read LOTR at 12 yrs old (this was in 1970 - please remember there were NO rpg's, no LARP's that I had ever heard of, and before D&D (the board game) came out (I remember when D&D came out and went to one of the early SCA gatherings - I am that old) I was sure I was an elf.  I wanted to be one so bad.  Probably teen hormones and all, but still.  I wonder if the 6th grade teacher that handed it to me had a clue what she was starting!  Of course, there were no otherkin then....good thing since I don't get along with otherkin.  On the positive side, I never told anyone back then, so I never had to admit I was wrong. Wink

On the flip side, I had an otherkin try to tell me I must be an elf since my ears have points (mind you, the tip used to curve in and over the past 10 years or so have 'uncurled' so that there are slight points - no points when I was 12).  I was not polite - but maybe being over 40 at the time I was just old and crotchety...
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« Reply #8: March 19, 2007, 12:58:53 pm »

Pagan wack-jobs.
Fortunately, I've not encountered any serious wack-jobs IRL.  Well, there was the compulsive liar who has eventually became one of my best friends.  I suppose he could be considered a nutburger...

Myself, I went throught the (apparently inevitable) bad history citing  white-lighter phase as a teen.  (Not so much with the fluff - by TC's definition anyway - since I had the good sense to be embarrassed when I came to the realization that I had been spewing BS.)  The white-lighter bit hung on much longer, unfortunately.

I did used to claim I was half-elven because my ears kinda have points, but I was a Dragonlance nut at the time and it was all in fun.
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« Reply #9: March 19, 2007, 01:07:53 pm »

Pagan wack-jobs.

Maybe because I can see this potential in myself, this type scares me deeply.

I have a very rich fantasy life, filled with all kinds of imaginary adventures--always have, since I was a child. If you grew up in the late '60s/the '70s knowing from the age of 5 that you were gay, you either attempted suicide, fell into substance abuse, channeled the pain into overachieving, and/or developed a powerful penchant for escapist fantasies. I ended up doing the latter two.

Of course, in all these fantasies, I'm unbelievably special and powerful...but they're *fantasies*. I've never confused them with reality. So one of the things that's always bothered me about Wicca and related paths is that their promise of supernatural powers is bound to attract desperate people whose line between reality and fantasy is thinner. To my mind, that's becoming Wiccan for the wrong reasons. It's scarily delusional.

I hope that's not too harsh. I know there are plenty of people, incl. in this forum, who practice magic but aren't on some sort of psycho out-of-touch-with-reality power trip. But the potential for that is so strong in many pagan paths, that it worries me.

And don't even get me started on "otherkin".
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« Reply #10: March 19, 2007, 01:40:49 pm »

The thing that gets me in "otherkin" communities is when people believe that they are *physically* something other than human. I mean, non human past lives are pretty common, 'kin or no. It seems silly to believe in reincarnation but not even acknowledge the possibility of non-human pasts. But don't try to tell me that you're physically something else.
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« Reply #11: March 19, 2007, 01:52:40 pm »

Maybe because I can see this potential in myself, this type scares me deeply.

I have a very rich fantasy life, filled with all kinds of imaginary adventures--always have, since I was a child. <snip> Of course, in all these fantasies, I'm unbelievably special and powerful...but they're *fantasies*. I've never confused them with reality.

<snip>

And don't even get me started on "otherkin".

Yes!
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« Reply #12: March 19, 2007, 02:26:52 pm »

Maybe because I can see this potential in myself, this type scares me deeply.

...
Of course, in all these fantasies, I'm unbelievably special and powerful...but they're *fantasies*. I've never confused them with reality. So one of the things that's always bothered me about Wicca and related paths is that their promise of supernatural powers is bound to attract desperate people whose line between reality and fantasy is thinner. To my mind, that's becoming Wiccan for the wrong reasons. It's scarily delusional.

I hope that's not too harsh. I know there are plenty of people, incl. in this forum, who practice magic but aren't on some sort of psycho out-of-touch-with-reality power trip. But the potential for that is so strong in many pagan paths, that it worries me.

I know how you feel...as I said, I've also lived in my own little world where I got to be something better than what I was. However, I crossed that "reality" line for a bit, and though I never had the nerve to ask the people I knew to believe me, I did end up dragging an Internet buddy into it. (I made her the Ananta to my Vishnu. And she of course, began making up her own fantasies as well.) I didn't start out on the Pagan path believing that it was my special duty to save the world. But without sane, adult examples to look to (and thanks to one of those manipulative entities that like to pretend to be your spirit guide) I just became mired in this bad Buffy episode.

And yes, the potential for wackiness in Wicca and Paganism is great, which is why I constantly ask myself why I choose to practice Wicca. Is it for utilitarian purposes? Do I believe I'm improving the world somehow? Is it narcissistic to believe so? What is this all about, then? Which am I interested in - the practice of witchcraft, or being able to call myself a "witch"? Oooo, spooky powerful word...

Sometimes I fear that I am (at least sometimes) one of those people who uses magick as a way to mask their shortcomings. I mean, I don't walk around proclaiming about my powers, but I fear that sometimes I cling to the idea that it's okay if I fail here or there in life, because I have the Gods. (Which might be normal for a religious person to say - "I find comfort in God" - but not when it's used as an excuse.) I am an anxiety-ridden and depressed young woman without a job or a driver's license. And what about those library books I never returned? Don't I have some algebra to study? I'm not the first person to say it, but I really think that you have to be successful/functional as a regular person before you can be successful/functional as a witch...I just wish I could live up to my own expectations, heh heh. But I'm working on it.

(And hey, when it comes to ego-stroking fantasies, gay author David Sedaris has some hilarious ones...have you read Me Talk Pretty One Day?)
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Thessaly: It's time to draw down the moon.
Foxglove: We did this. Or something like this. We had water and salt, not blood. We invoked the goddess in her aspect as the moon. We called down her power...
Thessaly: Did she answer you?
Foxglove: Well, it felt good at the time. Empowering.
Thessaly: Hmph.
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« Reply #13: March 19, 2007, 02:28:26 pm »

The thing that gets me in "otherkin" communities is when people believe that they are *physically* something other than human. I mean, non human past lives are pretty common, 'kin or no. It seems silly to believe in reincarnation but not even acknowledge the possibility of non-human pasts. But don't try to tell me that you're physically something else.

Word.
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Thessaly: It's time to draw down the moon.
Foxglove: We did this. Or something like this. We had water and salt, not blood. We invoked the goddess in her aspect as the moon. We called down her power...
Thessaly: Did she answer you?
Foxglove: Well, it felt good at the time. Empowering.
Thessaly: Hmph.
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« Reply #14: March 19, 2007, 02:35:04 pm »

Sometimes I fear that I am (at least sometimes) one of those people who uses magick as a way to mask their shortcomings.

This is one of the reasons I don't practice magic anymore.
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