The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum (Archive Board)
September 20, 2019, 10:54:16 pm *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: This is our Read Only Archive Board (closed to posting July 2011). Join our new vBulletin board!
 
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 20, 2019, 10:54:16 pm

Login with username, password and session length
Donate!
The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.
TC Staff
Important Information about this Archive Board
This message board is The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum's SMF Archive Board. It is closed to new memberships and to posting, but there are over 250,000 messages here that you can still search and read -- many full of interesting and useful information. (This board was open from February 2007 through June 2011).

Our new vBulletin discussion board is located at http://www.ecauldron.com/forum/ -- if you would like to participate in discussions like those you see here, please visit our new vBulletin message board, register an account and join in our discussions. We hope you will find the information in this message archive useful and will consider joining us on our new board.
Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Down
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
Author Topic: Divorce and your faith  (Read 8936 times)
Jenett
High Adept Member
******
Last Login:September 13, 2019, 02:34:46 pm
United States United States

Religion: Priestess in initiatory religious witchcraft tradition
Posts: 2506


Blog entries (1)

WWW

Ignore
« Reply #7: October 24, 2007, 10:21:25 am »

What does your faith say about divorce?  For example, is there a religious component of obtaining a divorce or otherwise formally severing a relationship?  If so, what?  Does your faith discourage divorce?  Does your faith specifically outline circumstances in which divorce is an optimal choice?

No particularly faith-based requirements. I am, however, extraordinarily glad for support in the idea that divorce was, in fact, the right thing to do in my particular situation. (Especially having come from a religious and cultural background where it's seen as somewhat shameful or at least a major disappointment.) It did a lot to help with immediate recovery.

My actual wedding did not involve any religious language (it was done by a co-worker with legal ability to marry.) My ex had issues with religious language, and I was only barely into my Dedicant year (hadn't started training, even) at the time. No vows before deity, only commitments to each other, and which did have an out clause.

I have very mixed feelings about things like couples counselling, based on my own experience. By the time we decided to separate, I didn't push for (or actually, now I think about it, even consider) counselling - but we'd already had a painfully hard year, he had lied to me by omission about something that could have had significant health consequences (but fortunately seems not to have), and I'm now pretty convinced that he flat out directly lied to my face in regards to a very specific question ("Do you know anything else about X situation you haven't told me?") about something else that could have had significant legal implications for him and by extension, for me. (We also *so* didn't have the money to pay for such a thing, basically due to some of his choices.)

I was tentatively willing (this was before I figured the direct-lie issue out, which is relatively recent), to give him a chance to repair the first problem, but had asked him for some actions to help convince me that he did, in fact, care about trying to work things out and addressing the specific issues involved. He flatly ignored the request. At that point, I basically went "Ok, well then." and came to the conclusion that the relationship not only wasn't salvageable (in part because how do you get back that kind of trust?) but that I didn't want to be around someone who would do those things and treat it that way anyway. (Someone pointed out the "Would you take this behavior from a friend?" guideline to me, and I went "No. Erm. Right. Need to do something about that.")

Two years, later, reflecting, I am glad of a religion that encourages me to use my brain on such things, rather than necessarily dictating a particular course of action or set of options. I was certainly talking to people I trusted (including my religious group leaders, but not *just* them) and getting advice, but I've been told by friends who are marriage and family therapists that given the specifics, counseling would likely not have made any difference except in raising our frustrations.

I did like how Minnesota handles the legal side. If you're like us (no kids, no property, assets under a certain amount), you've been married less than 7 years, and you both agree on how it's split, you fill out some paperwork, turn it into the county courthouse with a check, and you get mail back a month or two later certifying it.

If there's property over a certain amount (far lower than 'we own a house together': I think the limit was something like $30K) or kids involved, or any disagreement, it's a longer process, and you actually have to go in front of the judge (who apparently makes sure you really are both sure what you want, arbitrates any disagreements, and generally makes sure stuff is either fair, or fairly agreed to.) That seemed to recognise that there are factors that make getting out of the relationship (in purely legal terms) more or less complicated, and factoring them in reasonably sensible ways.
Logged

Blog: Thoughts from a threshold: http://gleewood.org/threshold
Info for seekers: http://gleewood.org/seeking
Pagan books and resources: http://gleewood.org/books

Welcome, Guest!
You will need to register and/or login to participate in our discussions.

Read our Rules and Policies and the Quoting Guidelines.

Help Fund Our Server? Donate to Lyricfox's Cancer Fund?

Tags:
Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Up
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
 
Jump to:  
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

* Share this topic...
In a forum
(BBCode)
In a site/blog
(HTML)


Related Topics
Subject Started by Replies Views Last post
Ordeals, Trials, Tests of Faith « 1 2 »
Pagan Spirituality
Aster Breo 26 6363 Last post April 15, 2008, 02:40:57 am
by Waldfrau
An Evangelical Rethink on Divorce?
Religious News
LyricFox 4 1530 Last post November 07, 2007, 07:16:13 am
by Melamphoros
Faith Healing
Non-Pagan Religions and Interfaith Discussions
dragonfaerie 11 3790 Last post March 08, 2009, 03:05:13 pm
by fatalperfection
Religious Divorce « 1 2 3 4 »
Faith in Everyday Life
Sperran 59 11674 Last post May 31, 2009, 12:09:40 pm
by sailor_tech
Divorce and neopaganism « 1 2 »
Pagan Spirituality
theperfumer 22 4907 Last post July 21, 2010, 05:23:16 pm
by sailor_tech
EU Cookie Notice: This site uses cookies. By using this site you consent to their use.


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2008, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.052 seconds with 36 queries.