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Author Topic: So, I'm taking a leap in life (I think)  (Read 1653 times)
Neriandal Freit
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« Topic Start: December 08, 2007, 10:46:53 pm »

It's 10:43pm Saturday Dec 8. I'm tired, I've worked all day but I wanted to talk and ask for help from those who are willing.

I'm in a situation where I'm 19, almost 20 now and have moved into my friends place some eight months ago when my parents (un-rightfully) kicked me out. Few months later, my mother got arrested after taking many pills, going wacko and doing some crazy stuff with my family.

All of that is of course the short version, which is hard for me to do as I'm a story teller and willing to share, but won't.

But, here I am tonight not able to sleep (when I have to work in the morning) asking for help. With my friend, I've helped her get out of (and secure) a bad relationship some time ago and promised I'd help her with her child. Now, I pay my friend around 300.00 a month to help her out, and at first she told me not to worry about giving her any more money as watching her kid would be payment. I told her I'd still help her.

Now, I'm being used. I know I've been 'abused' with what I'm doing (which is quiet often mind you) and sacrificing all the time for a child that I bare no blood to. I continue to pay her 300.00 a month to watch her child at this point. Unfortunately, the other day in this "Game" (if you will), she cheated and I'm done.

Now I'm finding my self needing out, and fast. I have money saved up (that was meant for a new car come Spring) to move out, but I want to make sure I am doing the right thing here. I need to make sure. Because what I do now will (reguardless) have impacts on my for many years to come, and I need to make sure it'll be ok.

Any help of any form from anyone would be highly appreicated from you. Personal suggestions, thoughts, information, prayers or whatever it is, it is free for you to use with my permission. 

Thank you.
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Enchanted Spirit
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« Reply #1: December 09, 2007, 12:06:54 am »

Now, I pay my friend around 300.00 a month to help her out, and at first she told me not to worry about giving her any more money as watching her kid would be payment. I told her I'd still help her.

Are you "friends" with this woman, or "more than friends"?  Are you paying her rent on top of the $300 a month?

How old is the child?  If the child has grown to know and love you, it could be detrimental to it's well being to lose you all at once like that. Small children don't understand the relationships of adults.  They just understand the love and caring they receive from us.  I'm not suggesting that you stay (that's up to you), but maybe you still have interaction in the child's life if possible.

I'm so very sorry for your hardships.  It's definitely a learning experience.  Good luck with your choices.  You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
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WarHorse
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« Reply #2: December 09, 2007, 07:10:45 am »

I need to make sure. Because what I do now will (reguardless) have impacts on my for many years to come, and I need to make sure it'll be ok.

I don't expect you will find a "correct" exit strategy - but you can make out the best you can.

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"I've seen knights in armor panic at the first hint of battle.  And I've seen the lowliest unarmed squire pull a spear from his own body to defend a dying horse." - Kevin Costner as Robin of Loxley, Robin Hood; Prince of Thieves.
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« Reply #3: December 09, 2007, 08:22:01 am »

Any help of any form from anyone would be highly appreicated from you. Personal suggestions, thoughts, information, prayers or whatever it is, it is free for you to use with my permission. 

You will be in my prayers. I'm afraid there is never a absolutely correct/best "exit strategy" for cases like this. All you can do is try to exit while causing the least harm (and drama) to yourself and others directly involved.
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« Reply #4: December 09, 2007, 08:54:06 am »

Any help of any form from anyone would be highly appreicated from you. Personal suggestions, thoughts, information, prayers or whatever it is, it is free for you to use with my permission. 


(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) I am sorry Sad

I dont know enough details frankly, but from what you have said, I think it is time to leave.  Perhaps you can cordially discuss it with the woman (or maybe not) and tell her that you are fixing to move out, so she should be looking for other child care arrangements.   Tell her you think it is time you have your own place. You might want to actually locate another place first.  I dont know what the woman is apt to be like when you converse with her on the topic sooooo..... 

Unless there is apt to be violence involved when you leave, or you think she will just up and kick you out, I would forewarn her so she could be finding other child care, and so you could start preparing the child for you to leave.  Also if you can leave on a friendly basis, it will make the separation easier on the child and everyone for that matter.  If you are romantically involved, this will make it much harder however.  Be prepared to stick to your guns, and be ready to walk out the door when you tell her if she is a combo user/control freak however.  I cant give a bunch of concrete advice as I dont know her or you well or your relationship with her well enough to know what she is apt to do.  I do send good thoughts/prayers/wishes your way.

((((((HUGS))))))

Gina
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Neriandal Freit
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« Reply #5: December 10, 2007, 01:28:28 am »

You will be in my prayers. I'm afraid there is never a absolutely correct/best "exit strategy" for cases like this. All you can do is try to exit while causing the least harm (and drama) to yourself and others directly involved.


Just to let all know, all has ended (or started) well. Certain events where set in motion tonight which lead to her knowing (but not all), so I'll be taking advantage of this and using it to get some things ironed out for my self.

Don't know if it was due in part of you guys, or a person who has appearntly betrayed my trust offline (or the great combo) but I'm highly appreciative of the support and wishes to a start to a fair life.
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WarHorse
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« Reply #6: December 10, 2007, 07:44:47 am »


Just to let all know, all has ended (or started) well. Certain events where set in motion tonight which lead to her knowing (but not all), so I'll be taking advantage of this and using it to get some things ironed out for my self.

Don't know if it was due in part of you guys, or a person who has appearntly betrayed my trust offline (or the great combo) but I'm highly appreciative of the support and wishes to a start to a fair life.

Good news.

Everyone deserves a fair chance.

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"I've seen knights in armor panic at the first hint of battle.  And I've seen the lowliest unarmed squire pull a spear from his own body to defend a dying horse." - Kevin Costner as Robin of Loxley, Robin Hood; Prince of Thieves.

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