Horrible mental block

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[Wonderbug]

Hello again.
I'm going through something I don't understand.
I'm researching slavic paganism and earth-based religions.
Something is blocking me from being my open-minded self and progressing.
I have paganism.ru open in another tab and as much as I'm surprised and pleased to discover it exists, it's like all of these aspects of my unconscious are tearing me apart. It's akin to reliving childhood nightmares and fears from long long ago. Things like Baba Yaga, illiterate country dwellers, and negative presumptions are ready to drown me. Of the modern Slavic pagans I get automatic mental images like dark soul-less eyes, secret underground meetings with people wearing dark hooded robes and chanting dark scary tunes with someone being sacrificed in the middle. It's scaring me, yet I know it's ridiculous.

How do I get through this?

[RandallS]

Of the modern Slavic pagans I get automatic mental images like dark soul-less eyes, secret underground meetings with people wearing dark hooded robes and chanting dark scary tunes with someone being sacrificed in the middle. It's scaring me, yet I know it's ridiculous.

Do you have any idea why you feel like this?  Understanding that is usually the firs6t step to figuring out how to deal with it.

[Waldfrau]

When I started researching Paganism and read the witch vox site I also got really bad feelings and mental images from dark hooded sects and part of my brain screaming 'You'll go to hell!' just from seeing the pentagram on the top of the page. First couple of times I talked with a witch on the net I wasn't able to use the word 'magic', but just said energy-thingy or something.  (While I had no problem discussing Harry Potter with her using the m-word without knowing she was Pagan half a year before.)

I was brought up with the threat of going to hell for just being jealous of my sister, so I got a bit angsty about doing something various family members would call 'evil'. Rumors and horror movies completed that picture of 'evil sects' and it was all linked to the pentagram because that's often displayed in such horror movies.

I think you are just afraid of doing something your parents or someone else wouldn't approve of. I'd follow Randall's advice and think very hard what kind of prejudices against Paganism or about being infidel to God you were brought up with and how that interacts with your present thoughts about how your family would react to your beliefs.

[Wonderbug]

Do you have any idea why you feel like this?  Understanding that is usually the firs6t step to figuring out how to deal with it.

Possibly things that I associated with that religion as a child... things that are subjected through subliminal messages.
But I didn't think these things were lodged so deep in my psyche.
Is this normal?

[Waldfrau]

Possibly things that I associated with that religion as a child... things that are subjected through subliminal messages.
But I didn't think these things were lodged so deep in my psyche.
Is this normal?

Childhood images are naturally lodged deep. I'd try to find out why they were important to you as child. What did you associate with them? Why might they come up now? Are you emotionally in a similar situation as you have once been in your childhood? (I'm no psychologist, just guessing here.)

[mandy1216]

Possibly things that I associated with that religion as a child... things that are subjected through subliminal messages.
But I didn't think these things were lodged so deep in my psyche.
Is this normal?

So normal, particularly when you are trying to experience something outside of traditional religion. If you were brought up a certain way, you are taught to fear "the other."

This might also not be the path for you. you have to work through and decide what you really want. Keep researching and looking for answers. You will find out if this is right for you.

[Waldfrau]

Being on a nearby part of the road as wonderbug at the moment I think it's also quite difficult to integrate a new aspect into your life. I'm sure my bad feeling sometimes about having internet contacts to Pagans is related to the concern if my social environment will accept the changes I'm going through now. So sometimes I get a feeling of forboding and wonder how I could explain if someone else finds out what I'm researching and experimenting with.

I'm still firmly in the closet because I still have to find out lots about myself without outside intervention even if it would be supportive. It's a part of the road I have to walk alone on my own responsibility and that does sometimes make me a bit uneasy thinking if I'm doing everything 'right' and acceptable.

I think if you make commitments you should be very sure you feel right on that particular path and can accept any consequences it might have (like discrimination or break ups), but if you're only researching/exploring at the moment you can allow yourself to be more bold than your 'conscience' wants you to be. IMO you shouldn't restrict yourself from getting information even if you feel a bit uncomfortable with the path you're researching. It will also help you to find out why you're feeling uncomfortable (like is that really you or just other peoples' expectations of you?).

Just my opinion, sorry if it sound a bit lecturing. It's a very good topic you raised and I want to share experiences.

[kodak01]

Hello again.
I'm going through something I don't understand.
I'm researching slavic paganism and earth-based religions.
Something is blocking me from being my open-minded self and progressing.
I have paganism.ru open in another tab and as much as I'm surprised and pleased to discover it exists, it's like all of these aspects of my unconscious are tearing me apart. It's akin to reliving childhood nightmares and fears from long long ago. Things like Baba Yaga, illiterate country dwellers, and negative presumptions are ready to drown me. Of the modern Slavic pagans I get automatic mental images like dark soul-less eyes, secret underground meetings with people wearing dark hooded robes and chanting dark scary tunes with someone being sacrificed in the middle. It's scaring me, yet I know it's ridiculous.

How do I get through this?

I'm going through something similar, though not really to that degree.

It started to get better once I realized that I had been a Christian for 12years (most of my life from the age of 5) until just a year ago. That's 12 years of learnings and teachings and a way of life that I'm trying to unravel so that it isn't butting heads with the beliefs and teachings  and learnings of Wicca.  It hasn't been easy, in fact it's been quite frustrating because with Christianity I was already into the "meat and potatoes" of the religion and as an adult starting from scratch with Wicca, it's hard.

I have found, for me at least, the best way to overcome the...spiritual panic attacks...is to go slowly. Finding ways that paganism is similar to Christianity has helped a lot as well. Holidays for example is one big thing that helped me...finding about the various pagan backgrounds of the Christian holidays left me not with a sense of "omg Christians stole pagan holidays" but more of a sense that I could relate to paganism a little better.

Which of course led me to the next trigger of spiritual panic attacks is that it was very hard for me to transition from looking at Gods/Goddesses/Ritual/Magic as concepts that interested me, to very real and live parts of who I am and my world around me and just a part of being.

Transitioning is not easy at all for some of us and I would think that these spiritual panic attacks are normal and that they can be worked through. it just takes work and research and finding a way to relate to the things you're learning about, even if it does mean using your former religion as the thing you're using it make comparisons with.

[abedinmd]

SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

[Lunamoth42]

SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

Do we still get recipes?? 

[LyricFox]

Do we still get recipes?? 

Yep. Since Randall told me about this one, you sure do.

Baked Apples with SPAM™ Strusel

http://www.spam.com/eatspam/contest_recipe.aspx?recipeid=317

[RandallS]

Baked Apples with SPAM™ Strusel

That sounds even more horrible that usual.

[LyricFox]

That sounds even more horrible that usual.

 

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