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Author Topic: Need a spell  (Read 3790 times)
telula68
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« Topic Start: May 30, 2008, 05:56:46 pm »

Does anyone have ideas for a spell to help with this?

I have a friend who has a VERY bad drinking problem. I have studied AA and and alanon to help ME with my questions and how to deal etc. This person was someone very cose to me and slowly went downhill.

I have no contact with him and he has surrounded himself with people who are happy to help him put the nails in his coffin. I know there is nothing I can do and I really am not interested in heavy manipulation. I just need to know if there is a spell i can do to maybe allow him to seek the help that he has expressed needing but is too afraid to seek out.


 Obviously addiction is a horrible thing and I dont expect to have any power over him or his actions but I really feel that he may die. Being an empath I still feel his pain even though I am not involved with him anymore. I am making great strides in my own "recovery" but I really feel I would like a safe and compassionate way to give him a boost if possible.

 He has aged so much in the past three years. I saw pictures of him and the sadness in his eyes was awful.

Just ideas would be great

Thanks
Telula
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RandallS
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« Reply #1: May 30, 2008, 06:00:51 pm »

Does anyone have ideas for a spell to help with this?

There are various "wake up and realize that what you are smelling isn't roses" spells, but I doubt they would do much for addiction -- it's going to color the smells the spell is trying to bring out. Barring some spell to actually take control of the person and force him into treatment, I doubt you will have much success with magic (although it can't hurt to try).
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telula68
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« Reply #2: May 30, 2008, 06:30:05 pm »

Barring some spell to actually take control of the person and force him into treatment, I doubt you will have much success with magic (although it can't hurt to try).

I know...Its really just one of those things. I don't want to take control. I can't and he would not be receptive anyway. I hate how when someone is addicted we can't do anything to help. Maybe just sending positive energy his way is the best I can do.
Thanks
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« Reply #3: May 30, 2008, 09:56:43 pm »

Maybe just sending positive energy his way is the best I can do.

That might be best.
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« Reply #4: May 31, 2008, 12:09:34 pm »

I have a friend who has a VERY bad drinking problem. I have studied AA and and alanon to help ME with my questions and how to deal etc. This person was someone very cose to me and slowly went downhill.

I have no contact with him and he has surrounded himself with people who are happy to help him put the nails in his coffin. I know there is nothing I can do and I really am not interested in heavy manipulation. I just need to know if there is a spell i can do to maybe allow him to seek the help that he has expressed needing but is too afraid to seek out.

No one can do it for him.

Every bit of energy you send buoys him a little longer.  Every dollar you give to an addict keeps them from bottoming out a little longer, and much as you'd like to not see that person bottom out, or crash; a severe addiction doesn't end until the person in question chooses to end it.  Without that moment that they choose to save their own lives, you can continue to flip pennies into that bottomless wishing well eternally. 

Even after they choose to TRY to get clean, the road back is punctuated by relapses, screw ups, temptation and frustration. 

Much as it's hard to accept - and you may find yourself going through stages as it happens - simmilar to the stages of grieving,

Denial - they don't really have a problem they're just doing this because **

Anger - how could this person be doing this to everyone around them.  How selfish and terrible they are.

Bargaining - if I do this, then maybe they'll be okay?  On the other side of this one is 'if I did this differently they would have been okay and this wouldn't have happened. (not true btw)

Depression - well, send me an invite to the funeral.  I wash my hands of this.  I have no control.  Oh well, screw it all.

Acceptance - this individual has to walk this road, there are things they need to do to change the current most likely outcome.  I can support the behaviors that I feel are necessary for a person to be around me or my family, but will not enable the behaviors I don't condone or that contribute to the mentality that leads this person to behave self destructively.  I will treat this person as a person, and not just an addiction.

or something like that.
 
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Till he learns to let his hair down far enough to climb outside.
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« Reply #5: May 31, 2008, 05:44:23 pm »

No one can do it for him.

Exactly. I was once a hardcore addict and there was nothing anyone could have done or said that would have changed my mind. When one is in that place there is a million reasons you give yourself for why you need to be there. And they trump any logic that anyone could ever throw your way. For instance I survived on under $1 worth of potatoes a week for almost a year. Yet I took close to a thousand pills chased with whiskey every week. It made perfect sense to me at the time.

The best thing you can do is NOT enable this friend in any way at all. Cause he will drag you down with him. Tragic but true. But when he hits that place where it is his time to recover - then be there and give all the support you can. Then and only then can you do anything to save him.
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telula68
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« Reply #6: June 01, 2008, 12:07:24 am »

Exactly. I was once a hardcore addict and there was nothing anyone could have done or said that would have changed my mind. When one is in that place there is a million reasons you give yourself for why you need to be there. And they trump any logic that anyone could ever throw your way. For instance I survived on under $1 worth of potatoes a week for almost a year. Yet I took close to a thousand pills chased with whiskey every week. It made perfect sense to me at the time.

The best thing you can do is NOT enable this friend in any way at all. Cause he will drag you down with him. Tragic but true. But when he hits that place where it is his time to recover - then be there and give all the support you can. Then and only then can you do anything to save him.


I know...I knew it...I read it....I talked about in therapy...I reasoned...I cried....I dealt with it...I un-dealt with it...Now I just try to work on myself ... through it all I have lost a faith I can't even identify...I don't know what I believe...or what I ever believed...I always come back to thinking the universe is always right and no matter what everythig is the way it should be..and I settle down...I try to trust..trust what I don't know...I look to the vast realm of possibilities...like the person above...a recovering "harcdcore addict"...someone who found a way to deal with that...I figured people sell millions of books about how to get the boyfriend you want..how to find a lost shoe...how to get a parking spot...But none to help a friend and fellow human in the fight for his or her life..

this person has not been in  my life at all for about a year...my decision...but still a someone I care about. Someone who's family I care about No enabling here. It's all done.

Thanks for the relies. They did help.
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« Reply #7: June 01, 2008, 06:18:00 pm »


I know...I knew it...I read it....I talked about in therapy...I reasoned...I cried....I dealt with it...I un-dealt with it...Now I just try to work on myself ... through it all I have lost a faith I can't even identify...I don't know what I believe...or what I ever believed...I always come back to thinking the universe is always right and no matter what everythig is the way it should be..and I settle down...I try to trust..trust what I don't know...I look to the vast realm of possibilities...like the person above...a recovering "harcdcore addict"...someone who found a way to deal with that...I figured people sell millions of books about how to get the boyfriend you want..how to find a lost shoe...how to get a parking spot...But none to help a friend and fellow human in the fight for his or her life..

this person has not been in  my life at all for about a year...my decision...but still a someone I care about. Someone who's family I care about No enabling here. It's all done.

Thanks for the relies. They did help.


{{{{{{{{telula}}}}}
So been there. You'll be ok, I think, you'll get through this. And you never know, your friend might too. The important part for me was to understand that no matter how much I love someone, (or hate someone, for that matter) I cannot make them different than they are. There is no magic worth doing that can change that.
You might try checking in here, for alanon type support with a pagan perspective http://spiralsteps.org/
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  The power of Water,
  to accept with ease & grace what I cannot change.

  The power of Fire,
  for the energy & courage to change the things I can.

  The power of Air,
  for the ability and wisdom to know the difference.

  And the power of Earth,
  for the strength to continue my path.

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« Reply #8: June 01, 2008, 08:42:38 pm »


I know...I knew it...I read it....I talked about in therapy...I reasoned...I cried....I dealt with it...I un-dealt with it...Now I just try to work on myself ... through it all I have lost a faith I can't even identify...I don't know what I believe...or what I ever believed...I always come back to thinking the universe is always right and no matter what everythig is the way it should be..and I settle down...I try to trust..trust what I don't know...I look to the vast realm of possibilities...like the person above...a recovering "harcdcore addict"...someone who found a way to deal with that...I figured people sell millions of books about how to get the boyfriend you want..how to find a lost shoe...how to get a parking spot...But none to help a friend and fellow human in the fight for his or her life..

this person has not been in  my life at all for about a year...my decision...but still a someone I care about. Someone who's family I care about No enabling here. It's all done.

Thanks for the relies. They did help.

I wish I could have told you other - but its one of those things that just is what it is. It maybe that this is just part of his journey - or yours for that matter, and there are lessons that can be learned from it. I know there was for me. I sincerely hope that he finds his way out before its too late for him and can be a stronger person for it.
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telula68
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« Reply #9: June 03, 2008, 08:34:47 pm »

I wish I could have told you other - but its one of those things that just is what it is. It maybe that this is just part of his journey - or yours for that matter, and there are lessons that can be learned from it. I know there was for me. I sincerely hope that he finds his way out before its too late for him and can be a stronger person for it.

Thanks for the replies and also for the link to the spiral steps. That's really cool because one of the problems I have with alanon is the wording. I know I can change it but its good to know there are actually groups that follow a more pagan path.
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