The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum (Archive Board)
October 01, 2022, 05:18:24 am *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: This is our Read Only Archive Board (closed to posting July 2011). Join our new vBulletin board!
 
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 01, 2022, 05:18:24 am

Login with username, password and session length
Donate!
The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.
TC Staff
Important Information about this Archive Board
This message board is The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum's SMF Archive Board. It is closed to new memberships and to posting, but there are over 250,000 messages here that you can still search and read -- many full of interesting and useful information. (This board was open from February 2007 through June 2011).

Our new vBulletin discussion board is located at http://www.ecauldron.com/forum/ -- if you would like to participate in discussions like those you see here, please visit our new vBulletin message board, register an account and join in our discussions. We hope you will find the information in this message archive useful and will consider joining us on our new board.
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
Author Topic: Advice regarding a woman who wants to be a step-mother  (Read 3728 times)
leigh137
Journeyman
***
Last Login:February 05, 2009, 03:07:55 pm
United States United States

Religion: Asatru
Posts: 206


Blog entries (0)

WWW

Ignore
« Topic Start: August 21, 2008, 09:09:17 am »

Hi all! I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. My daughter is almost 4, and her father and I have been apart since her birth. We don't live close together, and so visitation can be sporadic. About two years ago he started seeing a new girl. She immediately started trying to be "mom" to my daughter. She has made it clear that she wants to get pregnant, and apparently thinks if she proves to the Ex that she is a good mom to his exisiting kid then he'll consent to getting her preggers.
I am not sure how to address this without really offending her (she is very easily offended, as is the Ex). What I would love to do is sit her down, explain that my girl has a mom, doesn't need another, and that being a mom to her in a clinging fashion will not convince the ex to have another kid. Maybe ask her to back it off a bit and let things go more naturally. But whenever I start to have that conversation with her the ex gets his nose in it and gets all huffy.
Has anyone dealt with anything like this situation? I have no experience with step-parents and bio parents co-existing, and have no idea how to go about making that happen without feeling being hurt somewhere.
Any advice?  Huh
Logged

"You must have faith... That the universe will unfold as it should."

Welcome, Guest!
You will need to register and/or login to participate in our discussions.

Read our Rules and Policies and the Quoting Guidelines.

Help Fund Our Server? Donate to Lyricfox's Cancer Fund?

Starglade
Adept Member
*****
Last Login:April 02, 2012, 03:07:59 pm
United States United States

Religion: Tibetan Buddhist
TCN ID: Starglade
Posts: 1614


Life is a work in progress.

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #1: August 21, 2008, 04:51:25 pm »


Do you mind if I PM you? I have some insights, but for reasons I'd rather not publicize, I prefer to PM or email them.
Logged

The source of all misery in the world lies in thinking of oneself. The source of all happiness lies in thinking of others. -- Shantideva

My public transcript is available for viewing.
http://www.brainbench.com/transcript.jsp?pid=7189853
leigh137
Journeyman
***
Last Login:February 05, 2009, 03:07:55 pm
United States United States

Religion: Asatru
Posts: 206


Blog entries (0)

WWW

Ignore
« Reply #2: August 21, 2008, 05:00:34 pm »

Do you mind if I PM you? I have some insights, but for reasons I'd rather not publicize, I prefer to PM or email them.


Please do!
Logged

"You must have faith... That the universe will unfold as it should."
wisdomsbane
Adept Member
*****
Last Login:November 23, 2008, 08:14:43 pm
United States United States

Religion: "generic" pagan/pathfinder
Posts: 856


"Meh, humans, blech!"

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #3: August 22, 2008, 01:30:15 am »

Hi all! I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. My daughter is almost 4, and her father and I have been apart since her birth. We don't live close together, and so visitation can be sporadic. About two years ago he started seeing a new girl. She immediately started trying to be "mom" to my daughter. She has made it clear that she wants to get pregnant, and apparently thinks if she proves to the Ex that she is a good mom to his exisiting kid then he'll consent to getting her preggers.
I am not sure how to address this without really offending her (she is very easily offended, as is the Ex). What I would love to do is sit her down, explain that my girl has a mom, doesn't need another, and that being a mom to her in a clinging fashion will not convince the ex to have another kid. Maybe ask her to back it off a bit and let things go more naturally. But whenever I start to have that conversation with her the ex gets his nose in it and gets all huffy.
Has anyone dealt with anything like this situation? I have no experience with step-parents and bio parents co-existing, and have no idea how to go about making that happen without feeling being hurt somewhere.
Any advice?  Huh

I really don't see a problem.  My stepson started calling me mom, even while he was living with his birth mom.  Kids tend to be pretty capable of understanding who is who, and especially if you are a good mother, and they only have visits with her, honestly I think you and your daughter will be fine.  My best advice, unless your child seems to be having problems because of it, I wouldn't say anything, really.  If there do seem to be problems your daughter is having, then explain this to her and to your ex.  Keep him in the conversations, too.
Logged

What you think is possible.  Anything that is possible can become real.  Therefore, reality is a state of mind.
My Writings So Far
leigh137
Journeyman
***
Last Login:February 05, 2009, 03:07:55 pm
United States United States

Religion: Asatru
Posts: 206


Blog entries (0)

WWW

Ignore
« Reply #4: August 22, 2008, 10:08:24 am »

I really don't see a problem.  My stepson started calling me mom, even while he was living with his birth mom.  Kids tend to be pretty capable of understanding who is who, and especially if you are a good mother, and they only have visits with her, honestly I think you and your daughter will be fine.  My best advice, unless your child seems to be having problems because of it, I wouldn't say anything, really.  If there do seem to be problems your daughter is having, then explain this to her and to your ex.  Keep him in the conversations, too.

I have tried, he is kind of hard to talk to, and we don't see them very often. I am going to try to open the door to a discussion this weekend with her though. Hopefully we can talk things through, and possibly bring him into the discussion when things are settled. Adding him in before then usually just leads to a lot of fighting, he takes everything as a personal insult. I am hoping that she and I can work something out, and clear the air. Having no hard feelings between us will probably help the situation greatly, and make it easier on everyone.
Logged

"You must have faith... That the universe will unfold as it should."
Hufflee
Master Member
****
Last Login:September 17, 2011, 03:46:48 pm
United States United States

Religion: Spiritual Witch with an Hermetic bent
Posts: 371

Blog entries (0)

hufflee Jennifer Lee Huffman who has time?


Ignore
« Reply #5: October 24, 2008, 02:39:05 am »


I'm going to take Starglade's idea and PM you.
Logged

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change-Unknown

"This [the Irish] is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever."
Sigmund Freud (My Irish blood is laughing)

folksymama
Master Member
****
Last Login:January 15, 2011, 01:56:10 pm
United States United States

Religion: Kitchen Witch
Posts: 526

Blog entries (0)



Ignore
« Reply #6: October 24, 2008, 11:22:32 am »

Hi all! I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. My daughter is almost 4, and her father and I have been apart since her birth. We don't live close together, and so visitation can be sporadic. About two years ago he started seeing a new girl. She immediately started trying to be "mom" to my daughter. She has made it clear that she wants to get pregnant, and apparently thinks if she proves to the Ex that she is a good mom to his exisiting kid then he'll consent to getting her preggers.
I am not sure how to address this without really offending her (she is very easily offended, as is the Ex). What I would love to do is sit her down, explain that my girl has a mom, doesn't need another, and that being a mom to her in a clinging fashion will not convince the ex to have another kid. Maybe ask her to back it off a bit and let things go more naturally. But whenever I start to have that conversation with her the ex gets his nose in it and gets all huffy.
Has anyone dealt with anything like this situation? I have no experience with step-parents and bio parents co-existing, and have no idea how to go about making that happen without feeling being hurt somewhere.
Any advice?  Huh

My oldest daughter's biodad and I were separated basically from the time she was born as well.  She's 10 now and has been adopted by my husband and has not seen her biodad in...probably five years.  There was a time, though, when he was still living nearby and getting her semi-regularly.  He had a girlfriend at one point and SHE was insistent that he get my daughter when scheduled.  I actually was thankful, because his GF was a lot more responsible than he was and it made me feel better to know that dd was in at least ONE set of good hands.  Plus, that was really the only time he actually fullfilled his visitation requirements, so it was, in all, a good thing.

However, this girl really had some mom complex thing going on.  She was blond, as is my daughter, and never hesitated to tell me how when they were out, everyone thought she was my dd's mom. 

ACK...I'll come back and add more later...children screaming....basically, I kind of just let it go, and it worked itself out.
Logged
leigh137
Journeyman
***
Last Login:February 05, 2009, 03:07:55 pm
United States United States

Religion: Asatru
Posts: 206


Blog entries (0)

WWW

Ignore
« Reply #7: October 27, 2008, 04:20:05 pm »

.basically, I kind of just let it go, and it worked itself out.

You know, it's funny, but biodad and I had a major blowup over him deciding with no notice that he was going to start taking dd overnight. Despite the fact that he had no bed for her and would have her sleeping on the floor, amoung other things. And since the blowup he hasn't been in contact. So I guess the whole step-mom thing is resolved, since he apparently has no desire to see his kid anymore.  Undecided
Logged

"You must have faith... That the universe will unfold as it should."

Donor Ad: Become a Silver or Gold Donor to get your ad here.

Tags:
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Add bookmark  |  Print  
 
Jump to:  
  Portal   Forum   Help Rules Search Chat (Mux) Articles Login Register   *

* Share this topic...
In a forum
(BBCode)
In a site/blog
(HTML)


EU Cookie Notice: This site uses cookies. By using this site you consent to their use.


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2008, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.176 seconds with 45 queries.