Reply #3

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[wisdomsbane]

Hi all! I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. My daughter is almost 4, and her father and I have been apart since her birth. We don't live close together, and so visitation can be sporadic. About two years ago he started seeing a new girl. She immediately started trying to be "mom" to my daughter. She has made it clear that she wants to get pregnant, and apparently thinks if she proves to the Ex that she is a good mom to his exisiting kid then he'll consent to getting her preggers.
I am not sure how to address this without really offending her (she is very easily offended, as is the Ex). What I would love to do is sit her down, explain that my girl has a mom, doesn't need another, and that being a mom to her in a clinging fashion will not convince the ex to have another kid. Maybe ask her to back it off a bit and let things go more naturally. But whenever I start to have that conversation with her the ex gets his nose in it and gets all huffy.
Has anyone dealt with anything like this situation? I have no experience with step-parents and bio parents co-existing, and have no idea how to go about making that happen without feeling being hurt somewhere.
Any advice? 

I really don't see a problem.  My stepson started calling me mom, even while he was living with his birth mom.  Kids tend to be pretty capable of understanding who is who, and especially if you are a good mother, and they only have visits with her, honestly I think you and your daughter will be fine.  My best advice, unless your child seems to be having problems because of it, I wouldn't say anything, really.  If there do seem to be problems your daughter is having, then explain this to her and to your ex.  Keep him in the conversations, too.

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