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Author Topic: What if Your Kids...  (Read 16969 times)
Dalaigh Eoghan
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« Topic Start: November 16, 2008, 09:38:19 pm »

Were gay, lesbian, bi, asexual, transgendered, transexual, etc...?

I know this is probably a silly question to ask... but thinking about how my mom reacted in the past just made me wonder how you all would cope with it. My family has to still know I'm gay, they are more than likely still in denial and are wanting me to find a girlfriend and get married and have a family. She also said that she just didn't want me to mess up my life by being that way.

My family are extreme Christians and even the ones who claim not to be stand by that teaching that all gays, lesbians, etc. are going to hell and that their sins aren't half as bad.

Anyways, gotta love my family.

So how would you react? How would you cope? What would you tell them? Would you be embarrassed at first? Would you cry? Would you hope that it was just a phase?

Tell me... what would you do if your children were GLBT?
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« Reply #1: November 16, 2008, 09:48:38 pm »


Seeing as I'm gay myself, it's pretty much a given how I would react if a (hypothetical cause I hate children and don't want any) child of mine turned out to be gay/lesbian/bi/trans/any other segment of the alphabet soup you can think of.

As for your family, I would just ignore it.  Then again, family doesn't mean much to me so ymmv.
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« Reply #2: November 16, 2008, 09:52:22 pm »

Were gay, lesbian, bi, asexual, transgendered, transexual, etc...?

I know this is probably a silly question to ask... but thinking about how my mom reacted in the past just made me wonder how you all would cope with it. My family has to still know I'm gay, they are more than likely still in denial and are wanting me to find a girlfriend and get married and have a family. She also said that she just didn't want me to mess up my life by being that way.

My family are extreme Christians and even the ones who claim not to be stand by that teaching that all gays, lesbians, etc. are going to hell and that their sins aren't half as bad.

Anyways, gotta love my family.

So how would you react? How would you cope? What would you tell them? Would you be embarrassed at first? Would you cry? Would you hope that it was just a phase?

Tell me... what would you do if your children were GLBT?

Well first off, I have no kids so I could only say how I would react if I did...

I would say, "Meh, whatever.  Have fun."  It would not have any effect on me.  The only time such is of issue to me is if it was a woman I was interested in.  Then it would effect me.  Otherwise it is really none of my concern.
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« Reply #3: November 16, 2008, 09:56:59 pm »

Were gay, lesbian, bi, asexual, transgendered, transexual, etc...?

So how would you react? How would you cope? What would you tell them? Would you be embarrassed at first? Would you cry? Would you hope that it was just a phase?

Tell me... what would you do if your children were GLBT?

I don't think there's any way for me to really say exactly what my reaction would be until it happens (if it does).  It's hard to predict reactions to situations you've never been in.  All I can do is say the way I'd like to think I'll react, I guess, but...  It's just really difficult to know.

My daughter is currently all of 16 months old, so this isn't an issue yet.  Hubby and I were talking about it the other day, though, on a theoretical basis.  We generally agreed that we'd support her choices no matter what.  That doesn't necessarily mean that we won't need some time to adjust to the change, of course.  It may take some time for us to get used to it and be entirely comfortable with the idea--not because we think these things are bad, but just because it's a change from how we have seen her, and change can be uncomfortable and require some adjustment even if it's not bad change.  If that makes sense.  (I think for both of us that would be more true of gender identity things than of sexual orientation things, just because the former are more difficult for us to wrap our heads around.)  But, I mean, we'll love her no matter what, and do our best to be supportive of her.

Hubby did seem to have some issues with the idea of her being transgendered, which sort of bothers me a little, but I'm unclear about what they were.  I think it's just something he so thoroughly doesn't understand that his mind actually has a difficult time dealing with it.  I don't know exactly what that would translate into if he had to deal with it in fact rather than in theory.  I think that in the end he'd still be as supportive as he found possible, and he would feel awful if he did anything that hurt her, but since it's a situation that hasn't happened yet...  Like I said, hard to tell.
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« Reply #4: November 16, 2008, 10:28:13 pm »


I have a feeling I'll do whatever I need to do to support her/them (I have my bio-daughter, and two "bonus daughters" who are my fiance's).

I'm bi. He's straight. I've had lesbian relationships, straight relationships, and TG relationships (I have at least one former partner who's TG, perhaps two--jury's out on one of them for various reasons, mental illness included). My daughters know TG folks (my former partner and other friends/acquaintances of ours), straight folks, bi folks...

People are who and what they are. Same with our children. It's our job as parents to support that, IMO.
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Dalaigh Eoghan
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« Reply #5: November 16, 2008, 10:40:29 pm »

As for your family, I would just ignore it.  Then again, family doesn't mean much to me so ymmv.

What does "ymmv" mean?

Anyways, when I find a partner and we are together for a while, if and when we both want kids, I want to adopt and give a child that is already born a home like they never had before. Smiley
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« Reply #6: November 16, 2008, 10:49:41 pm »

What does "ymmv" mean?

This might help: http://www.ecauldron.net/forum/index.php?topic=93.0

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Dalaigh Eoghan
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« Reply #7: November 16, 2008, 10:54:19 pm »


Oh, wow, thanks! Embarrassed *Feels quite stupid now...*
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« Reply #8: November 16, 2008, 11:01:00 pm »

Oh, wow, thanks! Embarrassed *Feels quite stupid now...*

lol, don't feel stupid.  It takes a while to get used to every little thing.
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« Reply #9: November 16, 2008, 11:40:15 pm »

Were gay, lesbian, bi, asexual, transgendered, transexual, etc...?

I know this is probably a silly question to ask... but thinking about how my mom reacted in the past just made me wonder how you all would cope with it. My family has to still know I'm gay, they are more than likely still in denial and are wanting me to find a girlfriend and get married and have a family. She also said that she just didn't want me to mess up my life by being that way.

My family are extreme Christians and even the ones who claim not to be stand by that teaching that all gays, lesbians, etc. are going to hell and that their sins aren't half as bad.

Anyways, gotta love my family.

So how would you react? How would you cope? What would you tell them? Would you be embarrassed at first? Would you cry? Would you hope that it was just a phase?

Tell me... what would you do if your children were GLBT?

As my son is 2, we don't have to worry about that at the moment and he has already shown that he likes woman... not girls, he is particular, anyways. I wouldn't have a problem with any choice he made in that area. I have many friends who are gay and a few family members as well, we all get along fine. There are members of my family who probably would not be too happy with it, but they would just have to deal with in, I will support my son whatever his choice.

I really don't know what my husband would do. He is open and accepting of the  GLBT community, but I am not sure how he would react if it was his one and only son who was gay. His family is fairly religious (Catholic) and I am not sure how they would react either.

Over all though I think my son would get more support than not, myself and a few others have change the way our family deals with things. We have opened their eyes to other ways of life, so they are not so closed minded now.
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« Reply #10: November 17, 2008, 04:11:35 am »

Tell me... what would you do if your children were GLBT?

Well, being a bisexual trans woman in a lesbian relationship, it's going to be pretty difficult for me to have kids, however much I love them! Smiley

However, naturally, with the gender and sexuality paths I've gone through in my life, I would do absolutely everything I could to help. Whilst my parents are now very accepting, they (and I honestly think this is no fault of theirs) made an environment where coming out was simply terrifying and before I could come out to them, I had to get myself into the mind-set that I would be able to walk out of the door and never see them again. That's just not healthy.

That's the first thing I would ensure I would do differently: Give them an environment where they can come out without fear of recrimination or lack of understanding. Then, I'd do my absolute best to be as open, understanding and supportive as possible.
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« Reply #11: November 17, 2008, 07:38:21 am »

Were gay, lesbian, bi, asexual, transgendered, transexual, etc...?

So how would you react? How would you cope? What would you tell them? Would you be embarrassed at first? Would you cry? Would you hope that it was just a phase?

Tell me... what would you do if your children were GLBT?

I have four children and agree with Star that it's just impossible to say how I would react to...anything, really....until it happens.  I'd like to think that I'd be warm and accepting, and I think that is probably exactly what would eventually happen.  But, I'm not going to sit here and say that it would be the first reaction.  There would be no hating, of course, but it would be an adjustment. 

I think I would be happy that they were happy, but still apprehensive just because of the way the world is and how others view people with unconventional sexual orientation.  We all want our kids to have an easy happy life...easier and happier than we have it.  And I think I'd worry for how others were going to or were treating them. 
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« Reply #12: November 17, 2008, 07:42:59 am »

Tell me... what would you do if your children were GLBT?

I would be supportive - they can always adopt grandkids for me. Wink  (kidding!)

I would feel bad that they'd been hardwired for a life that's harder than what's "normal" - but I feel the same way about excessive nerdiness, which was my issue, so it's not like I'm picky about that.  It's just that I hope that his life is smooth enough that he can pick his battles and not have them chosen for him.

Of course, he's three - it's all hypothetical at this point.  But I sincerely hope that if he comes home with a massive "coming out" project for me, my response will be "duh - what's your point?" Cheesy
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Dalaigh Eoghan
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« Reply #13: November 17, 2008, 07:59:11 am »

But I sincerely hope that if he comes home with a massive "coming out" project for me, my response will be "duh - what's your point?" Cheesy

Yea that will be a great response to prove you're not in denial about his sexuality...

Isn't it weird when family is in the closet on a certain matter because of their denial, when you're out?
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« Reply #14: November 17, 2008, 08:07:24 am »

Tell me... what would you do if your children were GLBT?

I'm extremely unlikely to have any children (at least of the non 4-legged variety).  However, if I did and one or all turned out to be GBLT, I wouldn't chance anything. I'd be more likely to be upset if one announced they were converting to some fundie religion or believed in Special Creation.
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