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Author Topic: What if Your Kids...  (Read 22182 times)
Dalaigh Eoghan
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« Reply #15: November 17, 2008, 08:14:07 am »

I'd be more likely to be upset if one announced they were converting to some fundie religion or believed in Special Creation.

Yea that would quite make your day wouldn't it, Randall?
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RandallS
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« Reply #16: November 17, 2008, 08:19:17 am »

Yea that would quite make your day wouldn't it, Randall?

Yes, I'd really think I had totally failed at being a parent if my child truly wanted to join some fundie religion (even a fundie Pagan one) or decided that some nonsense like Special Creation were true.
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« Reply #17: November 17, 2008, 09:41:20 am »


I think I would be happy that they were happy, but still apprehensive just because of the way the world is and how others view people with unconventional sexual orientation.  We all want our kids to have an easy happy life...easier and happier than we have it.  And I think I'd worry for how others were going to or were treating them. 

I agree with this, but I also think this is changing very rapidly for kids now. My daughter just turned 12, and her attitudes knowledge about sex and sexuality are very different from mine, when I was 12. Of course, I think some of this is b/c of her own life circumstances and where she lives; she was born and raised, until we moved two years ago, in the Castro district of San Francisco. And a few weeks ago she sang at the wedding of hubby's cousin and her partner. These are women she has known and been close to her whole life.

Still, sometimes when I realize how different her world is at 12 than mine was at her age it startles me. The other day I found her watching "the top 20 kisses from torchwood and dr. who" on youtube. There were quite a lot of boy/boy scenes, and I expressed surprise at that. She said "do you have a problem with it?" which i don't, but I was just amazed at how different her experience of the world is from mine.

So all that to say, I think we don't have to worry so much about how the world responds to our gay kids, b/c they are changing it very rapidly. They just need our love and support. And if they don't get it from us, they will I hope have little difficulty finding alternative families that do.
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« Reply #18: November 17, 2008, 10:03:02 am »

Of course, I think some of this is b/c of her own life circumstances and where she lives; she was born and raised, until we moved two years ago, in the Castro district of San Francisco. And a few weeks ago she sang at the wedding of hubby's cousin and her partner. These are women she has known and been close to her whole life.

I think that probably influences things very much.  Out here in the Bible belt (and surrounding regions; I guess technically I'm slightly north of it), things are probably better than they used to be, but we've got a long way to go yet.  Hubby has a friend, for instance, who still seems to think that homosexuality is some sort of disease you can catch.  There was the suggestion (although quickly shot down) that our civic theatre group should avoid doing dinner-theatre performances of A Christmas Carol in a cafe owned and operated by a transwoman because parents might not want their kids there.  Etc.  My city in particular is generally better than others in the area--there's a greater acceptance of diversity in all forms in Bloomington than in surrounding counties--but mostly, southern Indiana is the sort of place where I would feel quite justified in being a little concerned about the community's reaction and how my daughter would handle that.
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« Reply #19: November 17, 2008, 10:17:18 am »

I think that probably influences things very much.  Out here in the Bible belt (and surrounding regions; I guess technically I'm slightly north of it), things are probably better than they used to be, but we've got a long way to go yet.  Hubby has a friend, for instance, who still seems to think that homosexuality is some sort of disease you can catch.  There was the suggestion (although quickly shot down) that our civic theatre group should avoid doing dinner-theatre performances of A Christmas Carol in a cafe owned and operated by a transwoman because parents might not want their kids there.  Etc.  My city in particular is generally better than others in the area--there's a greater acceptance of diversity in all forms in Bloomington than in surrounding counties--but mostly, southern Indiana is the sort of place where I would feel quite justified in being a little concerned about the community's reaction and how my daughter would handle that.

And living in Southern Ohio, this is more of a concern for me than it would for someone in the PacNW.  I sometimes wish I lived in a more progressive area, but there is something to be said for actually witnessing the shift, and being an instrument for that change, too.  We're in the trenches right now, and it's empowering to think how our actions today will affect people generations from now. 
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« Reply #20: November 17, 2008, 10:50:02 am »

And living in Southern Ohio, this is more of a concern for me than it would for someone in the PacNW.  I sometimes wish I lived in a more progressive area, but there is something to be said for actually witnessing the shift, and being an instrument for that change, too.  We're in the trenches right now, and it's empowering to think how our actions today will affect people generations from now. 

I hate to say it, but once you get away from the "big cities" in Oregon, it's really not much different than back there. Not to say that things aren't better than they were, but Oregon did pass Measure 36 one or two years ago. This is all my own experience from living in small towns here, and hearing about the issues friends of my girls have gone through. My oldest is the Gender and Sexual Diversity Advocate at her college, and even though her school is pretty diverse, she still has to fight for some things.

To answer the OP, I'm pretty open minded about these things. I love both my girls unconditionally, so if they came to me with this, I'm fairly sure my response would be the same as Sunflower's.  Smiley Finding someone to love, and who loves you is something that everyone searches for and has a hard time finding. What right do I have to tell anyone that who they love is wrong??
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« Reply #21: November 17, 2008, 11:31:17 am »

Tell me... what would you do if your children were GLBT?

Well, no kids of my own, but I was the first one in the family that my niece came out to.  She knew it would be a surprise because she took a while realising it herself.  She was in her early twenties and had spent several happy years dating men, even getting engaged at one point.  Technically I think she was/is bi, but has been with women exclusively for about ten years now.

My family usually considers religion, politics, and sexuality to be private matters; the first two because we have a wide variety of positions that don't and don't need to mesh, and the last because we tend to be more interested in our own sex lives than each others.  When S decided that it was time to share (just before she embarked on her first long-term relationship with a woman) she came to me for a card reading.  I had read love life for her before, but this one was clearly different.  She had been specifically concentrating on the news she wanted me to pick up and I did, and the reading moved into the area she had actually been aiming at - how the family would react.

The prediction was for surprise then acceptance.  She was uncomfortable with just bringing it up herself, though.  Any kind of 'formal declaration' would make it a bigger deal than she wanted it to be.  Her sexuality wasn't and isn't the central fact of her existence and she didn't really want to move it to centre stage.  I am known for not keeping secrets well (my hard-won ability to forget readings as soon as I'm finished doesn't tend to work with family members), so she asked me to slide it into general knowledge for her.  I did, some were surprised and some weren't, and by the time she got around to bringing it up with her mom it was no big deal.

My family handles things a bit more obliquely than many, though.  There was shock and worry in her father's family, but still no hostility or aggressiveness.  It was just something else about who S is.  The whole package is a big deal, because we love her, but the individual aspects of the package are just who she is.  No fuss, no trauma.

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« Reply #22: November 17, 2008, 12:46:49 pm »



Tell me... what would you do if your children were GLBT?

I, personally, would be thrilled.  And I agree with Randall, I'd more likely be upset (and VERY upset at that) if she were to convert to bigoted/fundamentalist/etc religion.  But that's just me!
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« Reply #23: November 17, 2008, 02:29:46 pm »


As a bisexual gender-confused birth-female my response would probably be about the same as my dad's was when I came out a year or so ago: "Just give me grandkids Wink (adopted or otherwise)"

I also second Randall's comment, I'd be much more upset if they went fundie on me.
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« Reply #24: November 17, 2008, 02:45:32 pm »

I also second Randall's comment, I'd be much more upset if they went fundie on me.

Jumping off of your post, but really just putting in my two cents on the idea in general...

I think I'd be hurt, and confused, and very discouraged.  I'm sure I wouldn't understand the decision.  I don't know that I could say I'd be upset.  To me, that says I'd have some sort of anger over it, and...  Again, it's really hard to predict this sort of thing, but I don't think I would.  Not beyond the generalized irritation I have for fundies in general, at least.  I think I would still try to make things right between us, though it's possible that she wouldn't have any of that from her pagan mother if she'd gone fundie.
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« Reply #25: November 17, 2008, 02:48:43 pm »

Jumping off of your post, but really just putting in my two cents on the idea in general...

I think I'd be hurt, and confused, and very discouraged.  I'm sure I wouldn't understand the decision.  I don't know that I could say I'd be upset.  To me, that says I'd have some sort of anger over it, and...  Again, it's really hard to predict this sort of thing, but I don't think I would.  Not beyond the generalized irritation I have for fundies in general, at least.  I think I would still try to make things right between us, though it's possible that she wouldn't have any of that from her pagan mother if she'd gone fundie.

I think I'd mostly be upset at myself in a sort of "what did I do wrong?" kind of way. As far as my relationship with my kid goes I really don't know how it would go. I'd try my best to maintain a good relationship with them, and I have plenty of practice with keeping up good relations with fundie family members, but I would certainly be confused. So yeah, maybe upset is the wrong word, but I would have more issues with them turning out fundie.
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Dalaigh Eoghan
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« Reply #26: November 17, 2008, 03:07:07 pm »

I think I'd mostly be upset at myself in a sort of "what did I do wrong?" kind of way. As far as my relationship with my kid goes I really don't know how it would go. I'd try my best to maintain a good relationship with them, and I have plenty of practice with keeping up good relations with fundie family members, but I would certainly be confused. So yeah, maybe upset is the wrong word, but I would have more issues with them turning out fundie.

I could definitely see myself feeling that way regarding the "fundie" issue... Disheartened, would probably be the right word. However, I would have no problem if they were GLBT. That would be the pot calling the kettle black in the biggest sense of that phrase.
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« Reply #27: November 17, 2008, 03:09:30 pm »

I think I'd mostly be upset at myself in a sort of "what did I do wrong?" kind of way. As far as my relationship with my kid goes I really don't know how it would go. I'd try my best to maintain a good relationship with them, and I have plenty of practice with keeping up good relations with fundie family members, but I would certainly be confused. So yeah, maybe upset is the wrong word, but I would have more issues with them turning out fundie.

(just jumping off this post to the idea being discussed)

Isn't it funny that fundies would have the same reaction if one of their kids were gay or pagan Cheesy

Again, I don't want kids but I might be more confused that a child raised by a gay pagan became a fundie of any religion.
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« Reply #28: November 17, 2008, 03:17:03 pm »


My father always told my brother that if he were to announce that he was gay he'd be disowned. And I would be disowned if I was to ever marry a black man. I often wondered what would have happened if my brother had married a black woman and I announced that I was a lesbian.  Wink I grew up in a family where sex was not discussed and where it was assumed that I was to remain a virgin until I was married (I caught hell after my father found out that I didn't go along with that edict).

I am child-free by choice, so the question would actually be a moot point for me. That being said, if I did have children I would raise them a lot different than I was raised. I wouldn't turn away a child who was gay or lesbian or transgendered. I would support him or her in any way that I could. I certainly don't turn away my friends who are members of the GLBT community, so I wouldn't do it to my own child.
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« Reply #29: November 17, 2008, 03:24:03 pm »

(just jumping off this post to the idea being discussed)

Isn't it funny that fundies would have the same reaction if one of their kids were gay or pagan Cheesy

Again, I don't want kids but I might be more confused that a child raised by a gay pagan became a fundie of any religion.

LOL! Grin That's so true, though!

I totally want to adopt because I want to be able to give children who don't have a home the best opportunity to be with a family that will love and take care of them.
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