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[Oxana]

Hey there, all. I'm new here, and... well, as the title says, also a tad conflicted.

The name I go by is Oxana. It is not my real name, rather something I discovered when I went on a half-hearted search for Russian female names (I have a love offair with the Russian language; don't know a word, by any time anyone speaks it, I'm instantly put in a trance--it's beautiful), and it is what I generally prefer to go by. I am eighteen years old and living in the Northwestern parts of the United States.

Currently, I consider myself an Atheist, and not a particularly spiritual person. My father's side of the family was Christian but my father was, more or less, a 'bad' Christian--although I don't think I need to provide the details on that. He had a bit of a hand in my choosing to disregard the religion later and life and choose not to indulge in it more than I had (which was little; I'd only gone to church maybe twice in my life time). Ultimately I'd decided that it just wasn't for me. My mother and her side of the family were not spiritual in the least, and because I respected and conversed with my mother often, we occasionally engaged in conversations about religion. Neither of us cared much for it.

When I was twelve, I dabbled a bit in Wicca; although it was less about spirituality, and more about personal control. I was in a bad place at the time and thought that finding deities and practicing rituals would make me feel like I had more power over the situations I was in. This ultimately collapsed in on itself over the course of several months, and I fell back into Atheism.

About a week ago I came across an article about the Pagan religion, and found myself becoming increasingly drawn to it and its concepts. I am technically still an Atheist, but... the idea of finding deities that one best relates to and forming a connection with them is... strangely attractive, when I've spent so much time thinking that someone else had to tell me who my gods were. I don't know. I'd like to be able to learn more about what it means to be Pagan, how other Pagans feel about their spiritual choices, and if, in the end, it makes sense to adopt it as a religion. Because I am so critical at times, it's very difficult for me to make these decisions all on my own without the right information from the right people.

So I would really, really love to speak with you all here, and get some advice in the future.

I hope this came out right. If there's anything you'd like to know, please feel free to ask.

Thank you for reading.

[Lusiphelia]

Welcome to the forum, Oxana!  I hope you learn a bit while you're here to help you on your path.

Also, just to clarify, there is no single "Pagan religion," but rather Paganism is an umbrella term for a group of a wide-range of religious beliefs and practices.

[Dem]

So I would really, really love to speak with you all here, and get some advice in the future.

Welcome, Oxana. You've come to the right place - lots of knowledgeable & friendly folks here to help you out.

I was atheistic for the longest time, until I began to wonder if it wasn't that I didn't believe in god, but that I didn't believe in my culture's traditional concept of god. Once I figured out for myself what god was, it all suddenly clicked. Researching the ideas of others definitely helped in this regard; it enabled me to say "No, that's not me" and "Yes! That's exactly what I was thinking!" until I had my head straight.

After that, connecting with god was a lot easier. 

[HeartShadow - Cutethulhu]

Welcome to the Cauldron!

[Sperran]

Hey there, all. I'm new here, and... well, as the title says, also a tad conflicted.

Welcome to TC.  Since you seem to be looking for basic information, I would recommend our primer:

http://www.ecauldron.net/newpagan.php

Sperran

[Star]

Hey there, all.

Welcome to the Cauldron.

[RandallS]

Hey there, all. I'm new here, and...

Welcome to The Cauldron.

[Midnightrider]

Welcome to the Cauldron.

Welcome to the Cauldron, Oxana!

[Star]

Welcome to the Cauldron, Oxana!

Er...  I think you meant to reply to the original poster, not to me? 

[Oxana]

Welcome to the forum, Oxana!  I hope you learn a bit while you're here to help you on your path.

Also, just to clarify, there is no single "Pagan religion," but rather Paganism is an umbrella term for a group of a wide-range of religious beliefs and practices.

Thank you very much. And I apologize for my choice of wording; I do know that Pagan is an 'umbrella term', but wasn't quite sure how else to phrase it. I meant no disprespect.

Welcome, Oxana. You've come to the right place - lots of knowledgeable & friendly folks here to help you out.

I was atheistic for the longest time, until I began to wonder if it wasn't that I didn't believe in god, but that I didn't believe in my culture's traditional concept of god. Once I figured out for myself what god was, it all suddenly clicked. Researching the ideas of others definitely helped in this regard; it enabled me to say "No, that's not me" and "Yes! That's exactly what I was thinking!" until I had my head straight.

After that, connecting with god was a lot easier. 

Thank you for sharing your personal experience with me. I'd really love to be able to connect with ex- or current Atheists and be able to discuss with them the matter of spirituality. Your story is helpful, and gave me something to consider. Thank you very much.

Welcome to the Cauldron!

Welcome to the Cauldron.

Welcome to The Cauldron.

Welcome to the Cauldron, Oxana!

Thank you, all. I sincerely appreciate it.

Welcome to TC.  Since you seem to be looking for basic information, I would recommend our primer:

http://www.ecauldron.net/newpagan.php

Sperran

Thank you for your help. I have been to that page a few times this week, and have gotten multiple little printables all tucked away from the links it offered. It was a big help. Thank you!


Thanks again, everyone. You're wonderful. <3

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