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Author Topic: Finding the Right Path  (Read 3445 times)
Scarlet
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Last Login:March 20, 2009, 05:23:31 pm
United States United States

Religion: Trad / Wicca
Posts: 18

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« Topic Start: March 12, 2009, 01:54:33 am »

I started reading books about witchcraft at a very young age. Most influences were wicca studies. I found a teacher around 15 learned some very important things about Hermetics and then I lost touch with him. Other than that, a few open circles at a local store and I really haven't had much of a group or anyone to really discuss. So, I'm going to be pretty honest here about me, my feelings and what I went through. I'm thinking maybe it will help you understand my thoughts. I hope you'll read and help, but not mock or ridicule me. I not stupid but I think due to my lack of interaction I am not knowledgable about some things.

About 10 years into my practice something traumatic occurred in my life. I had left an abusive relationship. I was also with a child. I did everything legally possible to keep him away. But I wanted to do something more to keep myself and my son safe. Everyone told me no no no, no the Rede states, you can only protect no defense. Then I met someone who followed the Strega path. She said you can defend yourself and your child. Make him leave, keep him away. But, in my head, what I thought meant to keep him away was to 'control' him, which was a no no. Cause to do a spell on another I have to ask permission. It really tore me apart. What I thought I understood, what I thought I knew and I was pretty confused. I took a step away from my beliefs my practices because the notion of harm none caused a lot of inner conflict. I didn't know what it meant exactly. I think a lot of this came from not having a community to learn from or even others to speak to that I trusted. But, I had enough. He was an abuser, drug addict, theif and you name it he probably did it. It came to a point where it felt like me in a boxing ring always putting up my hands to block from being punched, but never ever fighting back. It felt ridiculous. I did a spell to keep us safe and accepted the responsibility for whatever karmic return I'd get x3.

I found this place recently and even though I've only been here a couple of days I'm feeling pretty comfortable. And this is why I decided to be honest and reach out. I'm in a position where I'm questioning if the wiccan path is really for me or maybe I need to confirm that it is the right path. I finally started really looking on the web and at bookstores and I see there's so much more information out there than before. I really feel like I just stepped into the world. The thing is there's a lot of good things out there and a lot of crap. Also I have no idea where to start.  The Green, Hedge, Cottage and Kitchen paths sounds good. I've gotten some good suggestions on books, thank you. But, there's so much out there.

With all the different paths, where do you begin this reevaluation? I'm very much comfortable working with energies, healing, herbs, candles, earth, nature. But, there's something about the formal rituals I enjoy. I have this strong interest in the Qabalah and I want to learn more. I would also like to get more information on Hermetics. So, with my strengths are the paths I'm currently looking at heading me in the direction of my interests? If not can you offer me some suggestions? Or give me more questions to how to narrow down my focus of study?

About with what happened with me in my past. Maybe others don't go through a similar inner conflict. I know I was young. But, I'm curious with your beliefs how would you have dealt with the issue.  If you feel strongly that I did something wrong, I kindly ask that you refrain from scolding me. I'm looking to move forward and grow.

Thank you.
Scarlet
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