Did you seek your gods or did your gods seek you?

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[letty]

For those of you that are theists, I'm wondering about your experiences with gods/goddesses.

Did you have a sudden, unexpected experience with a certain god or goddess, or did you have to intentionally work to make connection with your deity? If you had to work to make connection, was meditation your primary method?

Thanks!

[Collinsky]

For those of you that are theists, I'm wondering about your experiences with gods/goddesses.

Did you have a sudden, unexpected experience with a certain god or goddess, or did you have to intentionally work to make connection with your deity? If you had to work to make connection, was meditation your primary method?

Thanks!

I'm just now beginning to seek deities... and it's me doing the seeking; it's an intentional choice on my part to make a connection. I am mostly using meditation, as well as lighting a devotional candle each day. I'm interested to hear other responses. I do not yet feel a connection, but I suspected it might take me a while to have a sense of that. I'm not in a rush!

[Aisling]

Did you have a sudden, unexpected experience with a certain god or goddess, or did you have to intentionally work to make connection with your deity?

Yes, no, and other.    The deity which serves as my patron was a presence in my life long before I knew or understood who she was.  There was nothing sudden or unexpected as she just seems to have always been there.  Other deities have made contact unexpectedly.  There have also been one or two that I've intentially sought out to make a connection.   

If you had to work to make connection, was meditation your primary method?

No, not at all.  I don't use meditation as a means of contacting deity.  For me, meditation serves as a means of relaxing and stilling my thoughts in a way that doesn't happen when I'm actively engaged in communicating with deity. 

[rose]

For those of you that are theists, I'm wondering about your experiences with gods/goddesses.

Did you have a sudden, unexpected experience with a certain god or goddess, or did you have to intentionally work to make connection with your deity? If you had to work to make connection, was meditation your primary method?

Thanks!

My experience is similar to Aisling's. Some of the Ladies I work with came to me when I was very little. I only just realized that Isis has been with me since I was a little girl-I've been serving her all this time, and I didn't know. I'm not a Kemetic, nor am I particularly interested in Egypt, but she doesn't seem to care much. She's nice like that, though. Kali called me in a very different way, I had no idea who she was for a long long time, but She is the deity I mainly work with for transformational work, and the magickal system I use most and am studying now is shakta tantra. I also recently found out that the Goddess I was dreaming about all last summer and who still turns up from time to time is Ix Chel, a Mayan moon, magic and fertility goddess, she is another manifestation of Isis energy. I also have worked with Kuan Yin since I was very young, as She was one of my mom's patronesses. think some of the reason for this extremely eclectic group of goddeses is related to previous incarnations, and work that I was doing for those specific deities at the time that is unfinished. Trying to tie up my loose ends, this time around, I guess.

I also used to work with Yahweh, and kinda still do, as I teach in a Jewish temple pre-K. I am on friendly enough terms with Him, although I don't really work with Him directly anymore. The Gods I work with now are Ganesh, Agni, Shiva and Osiris. And I went to them, unlike any of the goddesses I work with, who all came to me.

[dragonfly_high]

For those of you that are theists, I'm wondering about your experiences with gods/goddesses.

Did you have a sudden, unexpected experience with a certain god or goddess, or did you have to intentionally work to make connection with your deity? If you had to work to make connection, was meditation your primary method?

Thanks!

He was there since I was young.  At the time I thought he was my guardian angel, but lately I've been looking back at the stuff that happened and releazed (sp) that it was him, not an angel.  Though, when you get right down to it, I never really felt right calling him an angel, cause it didn't 'feel' correct, but I had no other words for him.  Plus everyone kept telling me I must have a guardian angel watching over me. (I am such a klutz! And choitic things are ALWAYS happening around me, they used to say, if you are around and there is the SLIGHEST possibility something crazy could happen, it will.)

The goddess came when I was having alot of problems with some people.  I haven't felt her prescence lately.

[Nyktipolos]

For those of you that are theists, I'm wondering about your experiences with gods/goddesses.

Did you have a sudden, unexpected experience with a certain god or goddess, or did you have to intentionally work to make connection with your deity? If you had to work to make connection, was meditation your primary method?

Thanks!

I think Dionysos and Bast have always been here. But I'll focus more on Dionysos here, since I have more knowledge on it (or at least I'd like to think so ).

I have always been pushing boundaries, or have never understood some of the boundaries my society has set up in place. "Uh oh" and "why?" were a staple of my young life's vocabulary. I wanted to know everything, and why not? Unfortunately I seemed to be a beacon for teasing and abuse by classmates, causing me to go into some serious introspection and introversion for a number of years (by my count it started at roughly age 7-10 and eased up around age 16, not fully ending even now. people do not like me for some reason. i like to romanticize it that I force them to challenge their thoughts on things. but I don't fully believe it is the whole "children go through stages in life, kids get picked on a lot". I had a four-hour long discussion about some of my worst memories as a kid and teenager, and even this friend, who went through a lot of crap, wondered why I hadn't done some drastic crap or completely given up on humanity). This I think caused me to mature much faster than most people my age. But I never gave up on trying to reach -some- connection with people, and eventually I did manage to have friends, and meaningful relationships with partners. (If you want some weird allusion, Dionysos was struck with madness at an early age (well, for a god that is) and wandered the earth for many years really, really crazed until he was healed by Kybele-Rheia. However, he still chose to willingly help Hera get out of her enchanted throne that Hephastios had trapped her on, and I believe they do end up "making up" as it were, despite all of the horrible things Hera had inflicted upon him. Getting ripped apart, his aunt murdered, madness.. etc. Of course yes these are myths, but they've also helped me try and understand in trying to forgive and humility. Anger doesn't do the heart good.)

I did expand on the issue of being a loner for the simple fact that while it is not universal amongst Dionysians, I have talked with several of them who have alluded to the fact that they were loners, or alienated, or just felt plain "different" from "normal" people. Not all of them experienced the level of alienation I went through, but there was that thread there that they just felt.. different.

Dionysos popped up a number of times in my search for spirituality, or when I wasn't (often involving a startling amount of RPG games). Why was it when in the long list of Cunningham's stone connections, Dionysos's paltry listing of "amethyst" was something I hung onto tightly? This little bit of flame, of truth, that for some reason I still can't now explain, said "yes, pick me!".

He's just there. He always has been. He always will be. And since I've come to terms with that, a lot of my earlier strong convictions have faded. I developed them based on what other people said. I wanted to be like other people. I donned their chains and tried to be like a wolf in sheep's clothing, when I clearly wasn't. I think he showed me these things when I saw the hypocrisy of adults who I was supposed to respect, when they showed little to have respect for (not that this happened instantly, but over a long period of time and a realization that they were products of the exact same thing, and I realized I wanted to break that cycle. To give people something to have respect for, rather than demand it due to age or status and go behind their backs and do the things they preach against).

I have learned a lot about what some people view as dangerous, but thats generally because the word "moderation" often gets so left out. (When I discuss entheogens or alcohol, I always have to stress with moderation, because people think you should approach these things like trying to get over a wall: run into it as hard as you can.) I also don't debate theological things anymore. The gods exist. Its probably beneficial to give them honour. If you don't, well. *shrug* Just don't tell me what to do, and I'm cool with whatever you believe (as long as it doesn't involve some serious harm to specific people over specific things. f'ex, racism).

I'm sorry if I went a little off-topic here. I guess its hard for me to explain his presence has always been there, but not always in big ways or ways I don't recognize. I'm still discovering those footprints. I think he helped me through a lot of bad times, always the light at the end of a very dark, scary, hurting tunnel. Those dark times transform us, turn us into something strong. The prairie grass needs to burn to grow back stronger, or else it will stagnate and die. As a metaphor, I think it kind of applies. He helps us through the burning and re-growing, and we grow back stronger if we stop fighting it. Yes, its scary. I would NOT want to go through what I went through the past almost 10 years over again. But I would not be the same person I am today if I hadn't. But I did it, and he's still there.

I'm going to apologize too if this sounds really flaky. What makes sense in my head never seems to come out properly.  All I can do is assure you that I am not crazy. Really. I guess I find it harder to describe something that has always felt apart of me, always inside, rather than Out.

[Star]

Did you have a sudden, unexpected experience with a certain god or goddess, or did you have to intentionally work to make connection with your deity?

Bit of column A, bit of column B?  The realization of Who exactly I had been talking to was the whole big sudden thwap thing, to the extent that it almost felt like a physical blow to the gut.  That was, however, by far not the first contact I had with my patron.

When I first came to paganism, it was to a solitary eclectic form of...  well, something I called Wicca, although in retrospect it was semi-Wiccish at best.  One of the things I missed in Christianity, one of the reasons I'd left, was that I didn't feel I had a personal connection to God and I really felt like I needed that.  So when my religious outlook began to change, yes, I was definitely looking for that sort of connection.  (I thought I'd find it with the Goddess.  I wound up with Apollo.  Not everything goes as planned, yes?)

I meditated a little, I guess, but I was never very clear about what I was doing with it.  My main methods of reaching out were through ritual (which I'll admit felt funny at first, but got more comfortable as I got more practice with it) and through direct conversation.  I'd just walk outside and start...  well, not talking so much as thinking I guess, although I had a tendency to sort of subvocalize what I was "saying"--I still do this--but I'd just start up a conversation.  I had the sense of someone walking along beside me, having a conversation as we walked, but I think that was more me "visualizing" (not the right word because sight was not involved, but you get the idea, I hope) to make it easier to interact than it was reality.  It feels funny to just talk to the air; less so to talk to someone taking a walk with you.

The relationship in its early stages developed very organically, much as a human-human relationship of any description might.  Then at some point I think He decided it was about time I wake up and realize who I was talking to, and then came the "sudden, unexpected experience" you mention.

[Matrinka]

Bit of column A, bit of column B? 

With six you get eggrolls.

My earliest encounters were deemed by those around me to be "imaginary friend" stuff.  Which doesn't bother me, since that's how it was.  She came to me as a friend, and when I needed the greatest protection, she was there.  When years later I realized who she was, it wasn't a thwap so much as a moment of "Oh...  well, that makes sense."

Over the course of my life I've been blessed with contact with a number of deity, though only one would I call my patron.  Know how most people, as they grow up, tend to shut out their non-mundane experiences?  I never did.  Before I was old enough for that to happen, other things happened that served to prop that open, permanently.  It makes it rather easy for the gods to communicate to and through me when they wish to.

[Nyktipolos]

(I thought I'd find it with the Goddess.  I wound up with Apollo.  Not everything goes as planned, yes?)

Haha yes! I was almost the exact same way. What I knew of Wicca at the time and the community seemed to be very Goddess-centric, and I kind of felt left out because here was me going... "Well you see, there's this Dude here, and I want to know more about Him..." .

[herbalgoddess13]

With six you get eggrolls.

My earliest encounters were deemed by those around me to be "imaginary friend" stuff.  Which doesn't bother me, since that's how it was.  She came to me as a friend, and when I needed the greatest protection, she was there.  When years later I realized who she was, it wasn't a thwap so much as a moment of "Oh...  well, that makes sense."

This is very much what I'm working with.  When I was 7 or 8 I was in a very horrible place in my life.  I remember a night that I snuck into the basement to sleep and there was a gentle and loving presence around me that made me feel calm.  I thought it was God  then later thought it was Mary because it was definitely a maternal and nurturing presence and I didn't know any better.  I would have daydreams about certain things in my life and they usually panned out the way I had dreamed them.  When I was a teen, I was put in some amazingly dangerous situations and somehow, there was always a presence there and I look back now and wonder how I'm still walking this earth.

For several years I didn't feel the presence and my life became chaotic.  But last year when my mom died and my divorce was almost final, I felt the presence again.  I have no idea who it is and I'm not sure I'm ready to find out yet.  But I do know it's a maternal and nurturing presence that encourages me to be nurturing to others.  Once I feel more comfortable with the path I'm on, I may try to find out, but for now, I'm happy knowing she's there.

 

[Selegna]

Did you have a sudden, unexpected experience with a certain god or goddess, or did you have to intentionally work to make connection with your deity? If you had to work to make connection, was meditation your primary method?

Odin came to me when I was 13. I had been Christian until then, and when I saw this god on tv I thought: "It's Him. He is my god". I started praying to Him, since He kept on showing everywhere. But sometime later I forgot.

Then, when I was 18, I became pagan. I wanted to be wiccan, but I felt this incredible attraction to the Norse gods, so I started throwing them inside my sort-of-wiccan practice. I seeked Thor, Freyja and Baldr, Odin was already here. I didn't use meditation, just some offerings and prayers. I don't think Baldr ever answered me, and I don't remember ever feeling His presence. I did feel Thor and Freyja though.

Some time later I started my search for my religion. I started researching Ásatrú, which I decided was not for me. I'm eclectic right now. A couple of years ago, Loki came to me. I was just walking on a deserted street when I got suddenly scared (panic?) and I heard this voice inside my head telling me that Loki was protecting me. I thought "WTF?!" and He got mad at me for questioning everything, lol. I think I was a task Odin gave Him for some days, but Loki decided to stay around. My life became chaotic, so I waved him bye bye, but these days He is back and I think I'm already prepared for what He has in store for me (even if He laughs at my face while I'm struggling with chaos).

I always liked the Greek goddess Hera, but I was never very close to the Greek culture and religion. Last year I decided to try to get close to Her, so I started researching Her, and I made a small ritual to introduce myself to Her, and gave Her some offerings. It seems She liked it, because She has given me some signs to show me She is here. Again, no meditation involved.

I have used meditation to speak with the gods sometimes, but never to make the connection.

[madame.kiera]

So far I haven't had any 'unexpected' experiences per se, but I think I am definitely being pulled in the direction of a specific set of deities. I have always been fascinated by the Egyptian pantheon from a very early age and feel very connected with Them as well. It's as if someone is gently tugging me along like I'm a tiny pup on a leash and guiding me in the correct direction (finally!) I have tried to study other sets of deities but each time I am pulled back to Them specifically..

[letty]

I'm going to apologize too if this sounds really flaky. What makes sense in my head never seems to come out properly.  All I can do is assure you that I am not crazy. Really. I guess I find it harder to describe something that has always felt apart of me, always inside, rather than Out.

Rin, you don't sound crazy or flaky at all I think that there are so many ways of experiencing the spiritual, so I'm interested in hearing from anyone and everyone. Plus, I'm a bit flaky myself, so it takes a lot of flakiness to alert my flaky-o-meter, ha.

Everyone, thanks so much for our discussions here! I do really appreciate it and it clarifies some things for me.

[Waldfrau]

I'm not sure. Maybe it's just like people get to know each other and feel drawn to each other.

I don't know what attracted her interest in me. I just opened a door and she was behind it. I haven't suspected her there and was overwhelmed by it, but some stuff made sense in retrospect.

[Ayn]

For those of you that are theists, I'm wondering about your experiences with gods/goddesses.

Did you have a sudden, unexpected experience with a certain god or goddess, or did you have to intentionally work to make connection with your deity? If you had to work to make connection, was meditation your primary method?

Thanks!

(First post. Go easy on me.  )

I think it was a little bit of both. I was actively trying to find and build a connection within certain pantheons, but the experiences that I did wind up having were unexpected and from Deities/Beings that I had never really pursued.  I'm currently still (passively) trying to become familiar with a specific tradition without any expectations of a deep relationship with the pantheon, because while being close with the Deity would be nice, it's not THE most important thing to me. I'm comfortable with the idea that I may never really 'know' the Gods.

How did the experiences that I did have actually occur? One was through my first (and pretty much last) attempt at pathworking...but I think alot of groundwork was laid before that... and that any experience is sort of culmination of a bunch of different things that you're doing, whether or not you're aware that you're actually doing them or that they will even lead to that. Definitely try to develop a connection, just dont have the expectations that x+y will always = z. The other (I've only had two Real, without a doubt, experiences), sort of just hit me during a moment of contemplation. (The first experience was one of meeting a Being for the first time and finding, after the fact, evidence that supported the validity of the experience. The second encounter was one in which self is almost lost, and becomes absorbed in the reality of the Being, if only for a moment.) There are certainly moments when I'm aware of Deity around me, but those moments don't necessarily mean I have an automatic connection/relationship with it.

I, too, have also had a relationship with divinity throughout my life, and had understood it as God in my childhood, but I think I've decided that it's not an external divinity at all. I'm no longer looking to put a name or face to it, or to "come home", so to speak, because I'm beginning to believe that it is home, and that it's name and face is me. I think it's just my natural understanding of what the Divine is, not an actual outside source of it, but that it definitely measures a Truth when I find it. And that exploring this personal divinity is what's meant by know thyself. *Shrug* This is a new philosophy for me though, so there's definitely the possibiilty of discovering the 'real' divinity attached to it at a later point. 

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