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Author Topic: Did you seek your gods or did your gods seek you?  (Read 4999 times)
Nyktipolos
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« Reply #5: March 30, 2009, 02:51:15 am »

For those of you that are theists, I'm wondering about your experiences with gods/goddesses.

Did you have a sudden, unexpected experience with a certain god or goddess, or did you have to intentionally work to make connection with your deity? If you had to work to make connection, was meditation your primary method?

Thanks!

I think Dionysos and Bast have always been here. But I'll focus more on Dionysos here, since I have more knowledge on it (or at least I'd like to think so Wink ).

I have always been pushing boundaries, or have never understood some of the boundaries my society has set up in place. "Uh oh" and "why?" were a staple of my young life's vocabulary. I wanted to know everything, and why not? Unfortunately I seemed to be a beacon for teasing and abuse by classmates, causing me to go into some serious introspection and introversion for a number of years (by my count it started at roughly age 7-10 and eased up around age 16, not fully ending even now. people do not like me for some reason. i like to romanticize it that I force them to challenge their thoughts on things. but I don't fully believe it is the whole "children go through stages in life, kids get picked on a lot". I had a four-hour long discussion about some of my worst memories as a kid and teenager, and even this friend, who went through a lot of crap, wondered why I hadn't done some drastic crap or completely given up on humanity). This I think caused me to mature much faster than most people my age. But I never gave up on trying to reach -some- connection with people, and eventually I did manage to have friends, and meaningful relationships with partners. (If you want some weird allusion, Dionysos was struck with madness at an early age (well, for a god that is) and wandered the earth for many years really, really crazed until he was healed by Kybele-Rheia. However, he still chose to willingly help Hera get out of her enchanted throne that Hephastios had trapped her on, and I believe they do end up "making up" as it were, despite all of the horrible things Hera had inflicted upon him. Getting ripped apart, his aunt murdered, madness.. etc. Of course yes these are myths, but they've also helped me try and understand in trying to forgive and humility. Anger doesn't do the heart good.)

I did expand on the issue of being a loner for the simple fact that while it is not universal amongst Dionysians, I have talked with several of them who have alluded to the fact that they were loners, or alienated, or just felt plain "different" from "normal" people. Not all of them experienced the level of alienation I went through, but there was that thread there that they just felt.. different.

Dionysos popped up a number of times in my search for spirituality, or when I wasn't (often involving a startling amount of RPG games). Why was it when in the long list of Cunningham's stone connections, Dionysos's paltry listing of "amethyst" was something I hung onto tightly? This little bit of flame, of truth, that for some reason I still can't now explain, said "yes, pick me!".

He's just there. He always has been. He always will be. And since I've come to terms with that, a lot of my earlier strong convictions have faded. I developed them based on what other people said. I wanted to be like other people. I donned their chains and tried to be like a wolf in sheep's clothing, when I clearly wasn't. I think he showed me these things when I saw the hypocrisy of adults who I was supposed to respect, when they showed little to have respect for (not that this happened instantly, but over a long period of time and a realization that they were products of the exact same thing, and I realized I wanted to break that cycle. To give people something to have respect for, rather than demand it due to age or status and go behind their backs and do the things they preach against).

I have learned a lot about what some people view as dangerous, but thats generally because the word "moderation" often gets so left out. (When I discuss entheogens or alcohol, I always have to stress with moderation, because people think you should approach these things like trying to get over a wall: run into it as hard as you can.) I also don't debate theological things anymore. The gods exist. Its probably beneficial to give them honour. If you don't, well. *shrug* Just don't tell me what to do, and I'm cool with whatever you believe (as long as it doesn't involve some serious harm to specific people over specific things. f'ex, racism).

I'm sorry if I went a little off-topic here. I guess its hard for me to explain his presence has always been there, but not always in big ways or ways I don't recognize. I'm still discovering those footprints. I think he helped me through a lot of bad times, always the light at the end of a very dark, scary, hurting tunnel. Those dark times transform us, turn us into something strong. The prairie grass needs to burn to grow back stronger, or else it will stagnate and die. As a metaphor, I think it kind of applies. He helps us through the burning and re-growing, and we grow back stronger if we stop fighting it. Yes, its scary. I would NOT want to go through what I went through the past almost 10 years over again. But I would not be the same person I am today if I hadn't. But I did it, and he's still there.

I'm going to apologize too if this sounds really flaky. What makes sense in my head never seems to come out properly.  Cheesy All I can do is assure you that I am not crazy. Really. I guess I find it harder to describe something that has always felt apart of me, always inside, rather than Out.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2009, 02:53:45 am by Rin » Logged

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