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Author Topic: Request for healing prayers and energy  (Read 16793 times)
HeartShadow - Cutethulhu
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« Reply #15: May 03, 2007, 03:30:41 pm »

Well, I've had something of a revelation about my recent and continuing depression saga and I thought I'd share it with you all, since you've been so kind with the outpouring support.

Debilitating migraines:  They're better than suicide.

oh GODS.

At least you figured it out and there's an end in sight.  I'm so glad you found it out!

{{{{{Moon Ivy}}}}}}
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« Reply #16: May 03, 2007, 03:33:35 pm »

oh GODS.

At least you figured it out and there's an end in sight.  I'm so glad you found it out!

{{{{{Moon Ivy}}}}}}

Thanks!

At least, jeez, I HOPE this is the problem!!!   Wink
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« Reply #17: May 03, 2007, 03:39:57 pm »

Thanks!

At least, jeez, I HOPE this is the problem!!!   Wink

Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

Here's something that will hopefully make you smile .. at least it didn't make you psychotic! Cheesy  (yes, I did have that problem.  and yes, it was medication, stop looking at me that way!)
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« Reply #18: May 03, 2007, 03:41:26 pm »

Here's something that will hopefully make you smile .. at least it didn't make you psychotic! Cheesy  (yes, I did have that problem.  and yes, it was medication, stop looking at me that way!)

Ummmm.  OK.  But, assuming you're off that medication, what's causing the psychosis now?   Wink
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« Reply #19: May 03, 2007, 03:51:26 pm »

Well, I've had something of a revelation about my recent and continuing depression saga and I thought I'd share it with you all, since you've been so kind with the outpouring of support.

<snip>

Please keep it coming a little while longer.  It's going to take me about a month to get off of this evil drug.  I figure the last two weeks were the worst, so the next two weeks are likely to be pretty bad, as well, since I'll have nearly as much of the drug in me.  After that the levels will be going down faster.

And my motto for the next month will be:

Debilitating migraines:  They're better than suicide.

Man. I knew that some meds have warnings about suicidal tendancies/thoughts on them but I'd thought they were mainly for adolescents! I learned something new today.  Undecided

Hang in there, Moon Ivy, and, when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on tighter!

{{{{Moon Ivy}}}} You're in my prayers and thoughts.  Smiley
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« Reply #20: May 03, 2007, 03:55:51 pm »

Ummmm.  OK.  But, assuming you're off that medication, what's causing the psychosis now?   Wink

um ... motherhood? Cheesy
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« Reply #21: May 03, 2007, 05:56:11 pm »

And my motto for the next month will be:

Debilitating migraines:  They're better than suicide.

Absolutely.  I'm so glad you figured out what was going on!  The next couple of weeks probably won't be pretty, but we're all here for support when you need it.  Hang in there!

Lifewish
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« Reply #22: May 03, 2007, 06:03:52 pm »

um ... motherhood? Cheesy

Oh!  Then maybe it's not the Topamax after all.  Maybe it's the teenagers!   Grin
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« Reply #23: May 03, 2007, 06:06:46 pm »

At least, jeez, I HOPE this is the problem!!!   Wink

It looks like it probably is to me. I don't believe in coincidence in cases like these.
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« Reply #24: May 03, 2007, 08:17:19 pm »

Debilitating migraines:  They're better than suicide.

Speaking as one who experiences severe debilitating headaches, yes I'll agree with you.  The gods know I certainly don't want to come back and do all this again.  I *really* don't want to go through puberty again Wink

Take care of yourself, Moon Ivy.  I've come to value your thoughts and comments here.
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« Reply #25: May 04, 2007, 08:07:14 am »

Please keep it coming a little while longer.  It's going to take me about a month to get off of this evil drug.  I figure the last two weeks were the worst, so the next two weeks are likely to be pretty bad, as well, since I'll have nearly as much of the drug in me.  After that the levels will be going down faster.

And my motto for the next month will be:

Debilitating migraines:  They're better than suicide.

Good grief.  Of course we'll keep throwing the hugs and candles at you!  I'm glad you've figured something out.  Are you going to be starting a different drug regime once you're off the Topamax?

And on the question of depression as a side effect--this is one reason I'm rather hesitant to start taking this nuclear drug Accutane for my (rather bad) acne.  I mean, I hate my acne (at 20 years old, I'd thought I'd grow out of it, not experience even WORSE symptoms), but this drug not only can cause major birth defects (!!), but has a risk of depression.  I'm already kind of prone to feelings like that--I don't want more of them just because of meds.
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« Reply #26: May 04, 2007, 05:46:58 pm »

Good grief.  Of course we'll keep throwing the hugs and candles at you!  I'm glad you've figured something out.  Are you going to be starting a different drug regime once you're off the Topamax?

Thanks!

I'm not sure yet.  I've already tried every migraine drug known to mankind -- nothing works except Topamax.  Acupuncture used to work, but then stopped for no apparent reason.  Maybe the massage therapy will help...  Fingers crossed on that.

And on the question of depression as a side effect--this is one reason I'm rather hesitant to start taking this nuclear drug Accutane for my (rather bad) acne.  I mean, I hate my acne (at 20 years old, I'd thought I'd grow out of it, not experience even WORSE symptoms), but this drug not only can cause major birth defects (!!), but has a risk of depression.  I'm already kind of prone to feelings like that--I don't want more of them just because of meds.

Yeah, this was a huge surprise, especially since I've been on Topamax before without this problem.  I knew to watch for suicidal thoughts with certain antidepressants when my daughters started taking them, but just didn't expect it in myself with this drug.  I guess you never know how meds can muck around with your brain chemistry.

It's all such a nasty cost-benefit analysis.  Undecided
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« Reply #27: May 05, 2007, 07:53:55 pm »

Well, I've had something of a revelation about my recent and continuing depression saga and I thought I'd share it with you all, since you've been so kind with the outpouring of support.

I've been on this forum long enough that you probably know that this is unusual behavior for me.  I've never had more than a passing problem with depression -- the kind of "down in the dumps" everyone gets.  To be literally suicidal several times in a two week period is so far out of my normal zone that, in my lucid periods, I figured there's just GOTTA be something causing it.

So I took a really hard look at what's happening it my life.  Yes, I just had a hysterectomy.  Yes, I lost my job and haven't found another yet.  And, yes, both of those things are big.  But until two weeks ago I was coping with them OK.  What changed?

Answer:  Medicine.  My doctor put me on Topamax to treat migraines.  I'd been on it for a few weeks, but it requires a slow increase to get to the appropriate levels, and I'd just about reached that level a couple of weeks ago.  I was on this drug several years ago with no similar problem, so it didn't occur to me to think about depression as a side effect.  But I went online last night, and sure enough, depression is listed.  And I found several websites and blogs of people who had very similar experiences as mine:  sudden and severe onset of depression and suicidal thoughts -- and in people who, like me, had no history of clinical depression.

Unfortunately, I can't just stop Topamax cold turkey, as doing so causes a risk of seizures.  I have to taper off just as gradually as I tapered on.  But at least I know what's going on now, and when those horrible, cold feelings hit, maybe I can fight them a little better now.  Plus, there's an end in sight.

So, thank you all for the healing and prayers you've been sending.  I credit you with giving me the inspiration and strength to figure this out.  I think I might have just given up if you all hadn't been throwing all those hugs and candles and energies at me.

Please keep it coming a little while longer.  It's going to take me about a month to get off of this evil drug.  I figure the last two weeks were the worst, so the next two weeks are likely to be pretty bad, as well, since I'll have nearly as much of the drug in me.  After that the levels will be going down faster.

And my motto for the next month will be:

Debilitating migraines:  They're better than suicide.

Awww. (((Moon Ivy)))

I'm still lighting a candle for you every night.

No matter how bad it gets, remember that we are here for you. And if you need someone to talk to, just PM or email me. I sort of know what you're going through (though I didn't have depression with propranolol, I had just about every OTHER side effect listed on the damn thing. Including vision problems. *headdesk*).

Good motto... wish I'd thought of something similar while I was undergoing the propranolol trial...

Shadowcat

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« Reply #28: May 05, 2007, 08:10:17 pm »

Awww. (((Moon Ivy)))

I'm still lighting a candle for you every night.

No matter how bad it gets, remember that we are here for you. And if you need someone to talk to, just PM or email me. I sort of know what you're going through (though I didn't have depression with propranolol, I had just about every OTHER side effect listed on the damn thing. Including vision problems. *headdesk*).

Good motto... wish I'd thought of something similar while I was undergoing the propranolol trial...

Shadowcat



Thanks, Cat.

I had another little meltdown last night, and am fighting one right now, as I type.  Last night, I got through it by dragging my poor kids out for falafel.   Wink  Maybe tonight will be movie night or something.

Drugs.  Arrrrgh.

But it WILL get better, damn it.
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« Reply #29: May 05, 2007, 08:20:59 pm »

Thanks, Cat.

I had another little meltdown last night, and am fighting one right now, as I type.  Last night, I got through it by dragging my poor kids out for falafel.   Wink  Maybe tonight will be movie night or something.

Drugs.  Arrrrgh.

But it WILL get better, damn it.

Wink Make 'em FUNNY movies, then. When I had the flu, I watched Ice Age and Ice Age 2... twice. Almost forgot I was sick in the first place. Wink

And, yes, it will get better. Tomorrow will be better, the day after that will be better yet, and so on. It won't be very much better yet for a while, but it will be better. Just take it one day at a time. That's how I got through the stupid withdrawal phase.

That and a lot of chocolate.

Shadowcat
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