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Author Topic: Wait for sex, marriage? Evangelicals conflicted.  (Read 7391 times)
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« Topic Start: August 10, 2009, 09:03:08 am »

Wait for sex, marriage? Evangelicals conflicted
Church urges them to marry young while others say hold off on wedding

"It's unreasonable to say, 'Don't do anything ... and wait until you have degrees and you're in your 30s to get married,'" said Margie Zumbrun, who did wait for sex, and married Stephen fresh out of Purdue University. "I think that's just inviting people to have sex and feel like they're bad people for doing it."

Against that backdrop, a number of evangelicals are promoting marrying earlier, nudging young adults toward the altar even as many of their peers and parents are holding them back.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32350044/ns/us_news-faith/
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« Reply #1: August 10, 2009, 11:02:09 am »

Wait for sex, marriage? Evangelicals conflicted
Church urges them to marry young while others say hold off on wedding

"It's unreasonable to say, 'Don't do anything ... and wait until you have degrees and you're in your 30s to get married,'" said Margie Zumbrun, who did wait for sex, and married Stephen fresh out of Purdue University. "I think that's just inviting people to have sex and feel like they're bad people for doing it."

Against that backdrop, a number of evangelicals are promoting marrying earlier, nudging young adults toward the altar even as many of their peers and parents are holding them back.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32350044/ns/us_news-faith/

It's definitely an interesting article. I don't think marriage should be rushed, because you can do a lot of changing and growing in your late teens, early 20's, and you don't want to get pinned with someone who isnt' going to grow with your. Not to mention, sex is definitely not a reason to get married. But that's my two cents.
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« Reply #2: August 10, 2009, 09:48:18 pm »

I don't think marriage should be rushed, because you can do a lot of changing and growing in your late teens, early 20's

Although, sometimes a lot of that changing and growing can come about from having a partner, or sex. It'd be totally ironic if marrying someone made you develop so that you shouldn't stay married!
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« Reply #3: August 10, 2009, 09:58:31 pm »

Although, sometimes a lot of that changing and growing can come about from having a partner, or sex. It'd be totally ironic if marrying someone made you develop so that you shouldn't stay married!
Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if that happens off and on Tongue All I know is my mom married young, and said it was one of the stupidest things she'd ever done.
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« Reply #4: August 11, 2009, 12:05:03 am »


I think it depends on the people involved, like anything. Some people are better suited to marriage and being married at a young age, while it's better for some people to put it off until they've experienced what they want to experience when they are unattached. I'd say for the average person, getting married in their teens is a bad idea no matter what the situation is. The ideal age to get married is probably in one's mid-twenties, on average.
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« Reply #5: August 11, 2009, 03:32:51 pm »

I think this is a good example of at least evangelical churches being stuck in an older model of marriage where the majority of people got maybe a high school diploma and went right to work at 18 to now where more and more people are going to college or a trade school, getting their career established, and wanting to enjoy a bit of independence following college graduation and moving out before they settle down and get married.  This idea was also formulated when in many states birth control was illegal outright not to mention much less reliable than it is now so sex would have nearly always meant children.

People are also living longer than they used to with 40 being the new 30.  Give it another generation of the newer pattern setting in of marrying for love once your life is all put together and this will probably be viewed as a backward idea about marriage and sex.
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« Reply #6: August 11, 2009, 03:45:50 pm »


Ryan, please leave the quote code IN when replying to a thread.  Thank you.

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« Reply #7: August 11, 2009, 07:42:45 pm »

Wait for sex, marriage? Evangelicals conflicted
Church urges them to marry young while others say hold off on wedding

"It's unreasonable to say, 'Don't do anything ... and wait until you have degrees and you're in your 30s to get married,'" said Margie Zumbrun, who did wait for sex, and married Stephen fresh out of Purdue University. "I think that's just inviting people to have sex and feel like they're bad people for doing it."

Against that backdrop, a number of evangelicals are promoting marrying earlier, nudging young adults toward the altar even as many of their peers and parents are holding them back.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32350044/ns/us_news-faith/

While I can't say much for evangelicals (I don't even know any), I'm definitely against the "no sex before marriage".  I'm more of an "early and often" and "try before you buy" person.  I can't think of a single reason to wait.

Now waiting for marriage, that I can see.  Waiting until you are established and stable makes some sense.
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« Reply #8: August 11, 2009, 07:44:34 pm »

Wait for sex, marriage? Evangelicals conflicted
Church urges them to marry young while others say hold off on wedding

"It's unreasonable to say, 'Don't do anything ... and wait until you have degrees and you're in your 30s to get married,'" said Margie Zumbrun, who did wait for sex, and married Stephen fresh out of Purdue University. "I think that's just inviting people to have sex and feel like they're bad people for doing it."

Against that backdrop, a number of evangelicals are promoting marrying earlier, nudging young adults toward the altar even as many of their peers and parents are holding them back.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32350044/ns/us_news-faith/

Ugh...so sick of religion trying to get into people's sex lives.  It's another reason why I dislike organized religions.  Everything is about control and telling people when it's "proper" to do things and in what order by their own standards rather than taking into account what's best for individuals on an individual basis.

Me, I've forbidden any of my daughters (and I have four of them) to marry anyone they haven't even had sex with.  And that's what's best for them individually, knowing my hormone saturated daughters.  Shoot me if you thing that's immoral.  Sex is important.  Too often women get the short end of the ...er...stick.  Women need to be just as free to go about finding out what they like in the bedroom as much as men do before they settle down to one mate.  Honestly.  And women have the right to find what makes them happy and enjoy their sex lives and it's highly unlikely that's gonna happen with the first person they have sex with, even if it's the one person they want to commit to "happily ever after" to.  
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« Reply #9: August 11, 2009, 08:32:05 pm »

While I can't say much for evangelicals (I don't even know any), I'm definitely against the "no sex before marriage".  I'm more of an "early and often" and "try before you buy" person.  I can't think of a single reason to wait.

Now waiting for marriage, that I can see.  Waiting until you are established and stable makes some sense.

I totally agree. I think it's silly that people forgo sex in the name of religion, and after getting married, find that their sex life sucks. I'm all for sexual exploration- it's part of being healthy.
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« Reply #10: August 11, 2009, 10:43:53 pm »

Ugh...so sick of religion trying to get into people's sex lives.  It's another reason why I dislike organized religions.  Everything is about control and telling people when it's "proper" to do things and in what order by their own standards rather than taking into account what's best for individuals on an individual basis.

Me, I've forbidden any of my daughters (and I have four of them) to marry anyone they haven't even had sex with.  And that's what's best for them individually, knowing my hormone saturated daughters.  Shoot me if you thing that's immoral.  Sex is important.  Too often women get the short end of the ...er...stick.  Women need to be just as free to go about finding out what they like in the bedroom as much as men do before they settle down to one mate.  Honestly.  And women have the right to find what makes them happy and enjoy their sex lives and it's highly unlikely that's gonna happen with the first person they have sex with, even if it's the one person they want to commit to "happily ever after" to.  

I have, however, requested of the one that I have had this discussion with, that she wait until she is out of high school.  Why? Because not everyone uses birth control successfully, and the results still weigh most heavily on the girl.  She's talking military academy as a possibility, and having been pregnant or having gotten someone pregnant, even if the chid is given up for adoption or aborted, does not help with admittance there.
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« Reply #11: August 11, 2009, 10:50:53 pm »

I have, however, requested of the one that I have had this discussion with, that she wait until she is out of high school.  Why? Because not everyone uses birth control successfully, and the results still weigh most heavily on the girl.  She's talking military academy as a possibility, and having been pregnant or having gotten someone pregnant, even if the chid is given up for adoption or aborted, does not help with admittance there.

Agreed.  And considering that I got pregnant on the pill (damn you amoxicillin) my girls have been habitual users of 'double up"  using pill/patch AND condoms to protect from pregnancy and STD's.  Enjoy being female, but be responsible. It's your body, protect it well.
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« Reply #12: August 12, 2009, 05:20:15 am »

I think it depends on the people involved, like anything.

I have to agree.  I'm feeling a bit in the minority here--I was twenty when I got married, and had consciously made the decision to wait to have sex until that event happened, as had my 21-year-old husband.  (I should add, here, that waiting to have full-on penetrative sex does not mean you haven't done anything remotely sexual and have no idea of your sexual compatibility--which is as far into my sex life as I'm going to get in this discussion.)  Nine and a half years later, we're still going strong with no end in sight.  Is it the right option for everyone?  No, probably not, but I'm a little bothered by the way things are being phrased in this thread like there's no way that getting married young and waiting for sex until marriage occurs could possibly be a healthy, viable choice.
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« Reply #13: August 12, 2009, 11:35:32 am »

I have to agree.  I'm feeling a bit in the minority here--I was twenty when I got married, and had consciously made the decision to wait to have sex until that event happened, as had my 21-year-old husband.  (I should add, here, that waiting to have full-on penetrative sex does not mean you haven't done anything remotely sexual and have no idea of your sexual compatibility--which is as far into my sex life as I'm going to get in this discussion.)  Nine and a half years later, we're still going strong with no end in sight.  Is it the right option for everyone?  No, probably not, but I'm a little bothered by the way things are being phrased in this thread like there's no way that getting married young and waiting for sex until marriage occurs could possibly be a healthy, viable choice.

Everyone should be able to make the choice for themselves, without outside pressure either way.
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« Reply #14: August 12, 2009, 12:47:49 pm »

Everyone should be able to make the choice for themselves, without outside pressure either way.
Totally agree.
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