Is September 11th an inappropriate wedding date?

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[FierFlye]

Nick and I will be booking our wedding venue soon.  We want to have the wedding next fall, as spring and summer is not quite enough planning (money saving) time, and winters in Michigan are too unpredictable to plan an event where guests will be traveling.

August is pretty much out because we both work for the University and that is back to school preparation time.  Both our jobs are crazy busy so taking time off work plus the added stress of busy days are factors.  That leaves September.  Of the 4 available Saturdays, the first is during Labor Day weekend, which is a bad idea because people will have other plans, plus it will be mad around town because it's the first weekend when students are back.  The last two Saturdays there are home football games.  It may seem kind of silly to plan a wedding around football, but being a college town, football Saturdays are insanely busy, hotels will be hard to find, and everyone wants to go to the game and party, rather than attend a wedding.  Plus one of those Saturdays is against Notre Dame which is one of the biggest games of the year.  The first weekend of October is doubly bad because it is opening day for deer season (practically a state holiday) and we play football against Michigan which is the biggest game of the year.

Sorry, that's probably more detail than you really cared to know.

So really, September 11th is the best choice.  There's no home football game, work has calmed down, the city will be as normal as it gets during the school year.  I just don't know if it's inappropriate to schedule a wedding on the anniversary of such a tragedy.  Is it rude or disgraceful to do so?  I'm not of the superstitious mind that the day carries any particular bad luck, but whenever you say that date, a horrible tragedy is the first thing that comes to people's mind.  

If we do have the wedding that day, should we mention the tragedy in any way?  Is it rude to ignore it?  We won't be having a religious ceremony, so having a prayer for those affected isn't really appropriate.

[Devo]

So really, September 11th is the best choice.  There's no home football game, work has calmed down, the city will be as normal as it gets during the school year.  I just don't know if it's inappropriate to schedule a wedding on the anniversary of such a tragedy.  Is it rude or disgraceful to do so?  I'm not of the superstitious mind that the day carries any particular bad luck, but whenever you say that date, a horrible tragedy is the first thing that comes to people's mind.  

Perhaps I am a cold cold bastard, but really, I think Sept 11 is more than fine enough. If it's the best date available, then go for it. Really, there are bad things that happen every day of the year. Why should this particular date stick out more than others. As for whether you mention what happened at the Towers I personally don't think it's necessary. This is your big day to be happy celebrate your union. While it's sad what happened, it has nothing to do with this.

But that's my two cents. It's a tragedy, it happened, but bad things happen to good people every day.

-Devo

[FierFlye]

But that's my two cents. It's a tragedy, it happened, but bad things happen to good people every day.

-Devo

This is a good point.  We might forgo the 11th of September only to pick another anniversary of something bad that happened personally to one of our guests.  It would be ridiculous to call each one of them and ask, "Are there any calendar days that you associate with a personal tragedy?"  It would be one thing if we knew a certain day held personal bad memories for someone.  As far as I know, none of our guests knew anyone on the planes, in the towers, or in the Pentagon.

[treekisser]

This is a good point.  We might forgo the 11th of September only to pick another anniversary of something bad that happened personally to one of our guests.  It would be ridiculous to call each one of them and ask, "Are there any calendar days that you associate with a personal tragedy?"  It would be one thing if we knew a certain day held personal bad memories for someone.  As far as I know, none of our guests knew anyone on the planes, in the towers, or in the Pentagon.

Besides, you could always view it as symbol of regeneration. 'Taking back' the day from terrorism, so to speak.

And SQUEE, wedding planning!! Hope all's going well! 

[Morag]

I do not think it's in bad taste. If you give too much thought to the tragedy of the Sept 11 attacks, then you should probably give thought to all the other things that have happened on Sept 11th throughout history. And then it wouldn't be a wedding, it'd be a large memorial/celebratory service. ("Do you take this woman on this day when the Ford Pinto was introduced in 1970 to be your lawfully wedded Chilean coup d'etat 1973?" )

Congratulations on getting married, and choose whatever day you wish, other peoples' (over)sensitivities be darned.

[Star]

If we do have the wedding that day, should we mention the tragedy in any way?  Is it rude to ignore it?  We won't be having a religious ceremony, so having a prayer for those affected isn't really appropriate.

If you or Nick, personally, had some connection to the tragedy--lost someone, maybe, were in the immediate area at the time and thus got caught up in the whole crisis even if you didn't lose anyone, something like that--then it's worth thinking about.  What to do about it probably depends on the exact issue.  If it's a Big Personal Deal for someone in your immediate families (parents or sibs) I might suggest seeing if there's any way you could avoid it, but I might also suggest just talking to the person in question to see what they think.

Beyond that...  In a general "something bad happened this day" way, no, I don't think it's at all inappropriate and I don't think you need to acknowledge it.  It's been years now since the attacks.  We're still dealing with fallout from it in a lot of ways, but I don't think that event planning needs to be one of those ways.

[RandallS]

So really, September 11th is the best choice.  There's no home football game, work has calmed down, the city will be as normal as it gets during the school year.  I just don't know if it's inappropriate to schedule a wedding on the anniversary of such a tragedy.  Is it rude or disgraceful to do so?  I'm not of the superstitious mind that the day carries any particular bad luck, but whenever you say that date, a horrible tragedy is the first thing that comes to people's mind.  

I see no reason not to have a wedding on September 11th unless someone involved in the wedding had someone close killed on that day and has a problem with it. If every day of the year where something bad happened to the US (let alone the rest of the world) were removed from availability, there probably would not be many (if any) days available in the year.

[dragonfaerie]

If we do have the wedding that day, should we mention the tragedy in any way?  Is it rude to ignore it?  We won't be having a religious ceremony, so having a prayer for those affected isn't really appropriate.

I wouldn't, unless you feel so moved. And I don't think the date is a BFD unless it really bothers either of you to have your wedding on that date. It was 8 years ago. While we're never going to forget what happened, life does have to go on. And having something positive to think of on that date is never a bad thing, IMO.

Karen

[FierFlye]

I see no reason not to have a wedding on September 11th unless someone involved in the wedding had someone close killed on that day and has a problem with it. If every day of the year where something bad happened to the US (let alone the rest of the world) were removed from availability, there probably would not be many (if any) days available in the year.

Thanks to all for your input.  I called this morning and booked the date.  Let the wedding prepartions begin!

[Morag]

Thanks to all for your input.  I called this morning and booked the date.  Let the wedding prepartions begin!

Yay wedding prep!

(I'm not big on getting married myself, but I hope one of my girlfriends chooses me to be Maid of Honor so I can help facilitate everything and make sure it goes smoothly -- it's like the best Stage Managing job EVER because you can wear pretty clothing while doing it! )

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