The Secret Behind the Necronomicon

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Ahhh....the dreaded Necronomicon!!

Veiled in mystery and surrounded by scandal and controversy, this tome has always served admirably as a red herring to prevent the uninitiated from discovering the true secrets of the universe which are to be found, not in the Necronomicon, but in the even more mysterious Necrotelecomnicon, the Book of Dead Telephones.

This dark grimoire reveals the hidden methods of establishing contact with powerful extra-terrestrial intelligences through worship and sacrifice at remote, faulty public telephone booths. It is whispered that Aleister Crowley himself established ongoing contact with Aiwass by using the foul incantations to be found in this accursed book.

But I must say no more!! Even now, I can hear the sounds of approaching technicians, coming to put me to a slow and excrutiating death for daring to reveal such things openly. I fear it is too late for me now, so hear my final warning - stick with the Necronomicon! Do not look beyond its obviously fraudulent content, for fear that you may discover the dreadful truth, that hanging around phone booths late at night is far more dangerous than anything in the Necronomicon....

by Gunkee and originally posted to The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum

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